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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DC a second dinner...such a stupid matter

52 replies

melclaire1111 · 21/04/2018 21:35

This is ridiculously trivial but has resulted in an all night argument.

Bit of a back story...last week had a Chinese take away, DD who is nearly 2 ate pretty much a whole portion of rice (I didn't realise she had this much but ideas busy sorting out everyone else's drinks) subsequently she was sick with a sore belly that night.

More family round tonight, they wanted a take away again, I didn't really want to give Dd any but was convinced she would be fine. She had one mouthful of rice, gagged and threw it back up. So i went and put some baked beans & sausages in the microwave for her which she then ate about half of. (Not the healthiest dinner I know but was quick to do)

DH has now spent all evening moaning that I shouldn't have done her an extra dinner, she should just eat what she was given and now it's going to make her spoilt and she'll expect me to do something else for her everytime she doesn't like something. My line of thinking was it was better she ate something rather than nothing and it took literally 2 minutes to do!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 21/04/2018 22:15

I think most of us can develop and aversion to stuff if we’re sick after them. My 11 yr old decorated the passage after too many doretos once. He won’t touch them now.

Don’t get me started on the red rum I won’t drink. My throat closes up at the taste of the stuff Grin

Toddlers are no different, your blokes being an arse.

Is there a food he cant eat? Start there.

NotTakenUsername · 21/04/2018 22:15

I make one meal, but I’m not a dick about it. Eg if it’s a spaghetti sauce Dd doesn’t like I keep her some out plain, etc.

She’s turned herself on rice after last week... where was her father while you were busy and she was gorging herself? Did you pick a night long argument with him last week for allowing her to eat so much she was sick?

I think your solution was perfect. Didn’t start cooking but provided something quick, easy and edible for your daughter.

Is there any power play dynamics here? Your family? His family? Do you get convinced to do things against your better judgment often?

Idontdowindows · 21/04/2018 22:16

He's being a dick.

On another note, ask your Chinese takeaway if they use MSG (VeTsin). I know it makes me throw up and get a migraine if they use it.

NotTakenUsername · 21/04/2018 22:16

I never give my 18 month old takeaway (except for McDonald's kfc etc)

That is so funny! Grin

gamerchick · 21/04/2018 22:17

Really DwangelaForever? McDonald’s is fine in the fat and salt department? Wink

GorgonLondon · 21/04/2018 22:19

DwangelaForever I never give my 18 month old takeaway (except for McDonald's kfc etc) if we are having an Indian or a chinese I always make her an easy dinner just for her. I have no doubt she would love to share our takeaways but for now I'm a bit precious of them and their salt and fat content

What makes you think that McDonald's and KFC are OK for an 18-month-old?!?

trueblueari · 21/04/2018 22:22

Eat what she's given? She tried, and was sick! Your H (I can't bring myself to add the D after reading this!) is being a ridiculous fuckpuffin. Poor kid. You totally did the right thing.

PremierNaps · 21/04/2018 22:23

YANBU - It's better to give her something she will eat than something that will make her sick.

Oly5 · 21/04/2018 22:23

Why is anyone giving their toddler a takeaway?!

HermionesRightHook · 21/04/2018 22:27

Poor lamb, it's miserable when you make an association with a food and then can't have it. I still can't eat from our local pizza takeaway because it was the last thing I ate before Noro struck (and it was definitely noro and not from them, I was the last in the family to get it, hence the quickly snarfed pizza).

endofthelinefinally · 21/04/2018 22:28

I would not be giving a 2 year old a chinese takeaway tbh. And I say that as a person who home cooks rice and noodle dishes most of the time.
Your husband is not being sensible.
IME small children are usually given controlled quantities of rice, often cooked with extra water and small amounts of meat/veg so it is easy to digest and doesn't cause bloating.

gamerwidow · 21/04/2018 22:31

She's not even 2 yet how can it possibly be wrong to make sure she has a dinner she can actually eat. Your DH is being an idiot.

HippityHoppityWho · 21/04/2018 22:49

Poor girl, she was probably sick due to the association. He is being a dick definitely

RainbowGlitterFairy · 21/04/2018 22:50

She tried a mouthful and it made her physically sick. It's not like she refused to try. I was very sick on cornflakes as a child (first bad V&D bug) and it was years before I could eat them again, I was really upset about it because I love cornflakes but I couldn't even look at them without remembering how ill I had been and the thought made me feel sick.

Bambamber · 21/04/2018 23:00

In my opinion there's a very big difference between not even trying anything on their plate, and trying something and having a physical response. I would have made something else as well

Original poster
melclaire1111 · 22/04/2018 07:15

Thank you again everyone. Dh is still in a strop about it, still says I shouldn't have done her anything else and also moaned that she got up and down from her little table all the time (we are waiting for our proper dining table to be delivered!)

Just for the record if it was a proper cooked dinner that we are all having I am more of the if you don't eat it you don't get anything else This was just an exception.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 22/04/2018 08:19

Is he controlling in other areas? There is something very cruel about wanting a two year old to either eat something that makes her gag or go hungry. It says something about him that would worry me a lot. In the right context this could be seen as child abuse.

The table thing is also quite controlling when in this context, although if all else fine it is also fine. How has he bonded with her? He doesn't sound like a man who loves his child. He sounds like a cruel and controlling person. So is he like this in other areas of your lives?

Sarkyharky · 22/04/2018 08:24

This thread is making me feel a bit sick, I can only imagine how it made your dd feel!

Takeaways are not a good meal for a 2 year old.

And yes I am being judgy. I can't really grasp why you'd even attempt to feed your dd something that made her sick the first time.

And 18 month old toddlers getting KFC?! Christ.

RitaMills · 22/04/2018 08:26

YANBU, my DS is 8 and still gets a different dinner when we have take out. He doesn’t like Chinese or Indian food so I have absolutely no problem with making him some pasta or fish fingers, which I know he’ll eat, before we order our take out.

ferrier · 22/04/2018 08:28

I wouldn't offer a second dinner if dc chose not to eat the first. But your dd didn't choose, it actually made her sick so it would have been totally inappropriate to keep feeding her it and you did absolutely the right thing by making her something different.

DanceDisaster · 22/04/2018 08:30

Re her eating a whole portion of rice; if there’s MSG in it, then that might be why she overate and then felt poorly. I think MSG encourages us to keep eating and eating. It’s why some junk food is so moreish.

Original poster
melclaire1111 · 22/04/2018 08:34

Last week was the first time Dd had a Chinese and I had voiced my concerns about her having it again as I'd offered to cook everyone dinner instead but everyone insisted that Chinese would be fine. Will listen to my instincts next time!

DH can be controlling in other ways I guess. He is very much a person who likes to be right and wants people to do what he says and really doesn't like it when I make a decision that isn't what he has decided

OP posts:
trueblueari · 22/04/2018 08:36

Do you have other kids? Is he like this with them?
As a PP said it's actually quite worrying.

FASH84 · 22/04/2018 09:44

Takeaways aren't exactly a healthy option, it would be different if she was refusing to eat all veg for example. He's definitely BU. Fwiw I'm not of the mindset that children should only have very plain food , I've been eating spicy food from a young age . SIL was horrified to learn DN nearly 3 had eaten a home cooked red Thai curry with loads of veg at our house, it was a healthy recipe and she loved it, but I had back up options if she didn't, as it was something she'd not tried before.

gamerwidow · 22/04/2018 10:24

melclaire111 your posts are getting more worrying every time you give more information.
Are you ok? Your partner sounds very controlling and it must be horrible to not be able to make a decision of your own in case he kicks off about it. Refusing to feed a toddler food she can eat and then complaining because she is behaving like a toddler by getting up and down rather than sitting down for a long meal is bullying cruel behaviour.
Can you really live the rest of your life having to pander to his moods and bullying? You don't have to stay with him. Imagine the weight that would be lifted not to have to second guess yourself all the time.