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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is there any way I can do this without being a dick?!

48 replies

FlyLittleFly · 18/03/2018 11:09

I have an online date today but am getting a weird feeling about it. The guy seeems nice enough but I think we are quite different and it’s a trek for both of us (he is coming into London and it’s on the other part of London to where I live). I know this is really bad form but I really don’t want to go and entertain a stranger for three hours!

Is there any way I can politely back out with minimum feelings hurt or do I owe it to him to carry on? Meeting in four hours but he lives far away so I need to say ASAP if not going

OP posts:
Thesmallthings · 18/03/2018 11:13

If you don't want to meet then you need to tell him now.

What is it that's putting you iff

inmyshoos · 18/03/2018 11:15

I'd message now and say you've just vomited. Say you've been in contact recently with a sick bug.

LittleRedTerfette · 18/03/2018 11:17

I think you should meet. It’s really hurtful cancelling a date at the last minute if there’s really no reason. You should have done this yesterday!

FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin · 18/03/2018 11:17

First date should always be a coffee. You can extend it if it goes well but you have not committed more than 20 mins and a fiver.

SmileEachDay · 18/03/2018 11:18

If you don’t want to go, to don’t have to go.
“I’m sorry, I’ve decided I don’t want to meet. Hope I caught you before you left- apologies if I didn’t”

inmyshoos · 18/03/2018 11:21

I think if you feel uneasy about it that's a good enough reason to cancel. You owe him nothing. Be polite. Apologise and make an excuse

Original poster
FlyLittleFly · 18/03/2018 11:23

This is what have got

Hey, I am so sorry about this but I have come down with some kind of sickness bug - has all happened in last half an hour so pretty fast and I feel terrible! Don’t want to pass anything onto you but wanted to let you know as soon as I could. Can we rain check this afternoon?

OP posts:
RunMummyRun68 · 18/03/2018 11:23

Go,but have an excuse to leave early?

Original poster
FlyLittleFly · 18/03/2018 11:23

I know it is and I apologise but it has been done to me and these things happen!

OP posts:
Original poster
FlyLittleFly · 18/03/2018 11:24

Also I am just getting over a semi break up and it really hurts, stupid of me to date when I’m not feeling it

OP posts:
MillicentWiseman · 18/03/2018 11:24

If you’re getting a weird feeling, call it off. Agree that first meetings should be short and sweet.

ShirleyPhallus · 18/03/2018 11:26

If you don’t wanna go then don’t go, why waste both of your time? I would just tell the truth though, saying you’re ill is so obviously a lie and you don’t really have an intention to reschedule

But stop dicking about on mumsnet and just tell him so he can stop getting ready to come meet you and get on with other plans

MyNewBearTotoro · 18/03/2018 11:28

Absolutely fine to back out, but be straight with him. Don’t fake a bug, he’ll either see right through it and be hurt (and having someone blatantly lie is far more hurtful than having them tell the truth) or he’ll believe you and then try and arrange another date. Which you’ll then deny and he’ll wonder what went wrong.

Just be honest with him, sorry but on reflection you don’t think it’s likely to go anywhere as although he’s seemed nice you think you’re too different and so you don’t want to make the trek into London and don’t want to waste his time. Tell him you hope he can understand and wish him good luck in finding someone. He might be a little bit annoyed at the last minute cancellation but it’s not a massive deal so long as you’ve given him a few hours notice.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 18/03/2018 11:28

Don't lie to him that you're ill-that would be dickish. Tell him the truth-that way you're not keeping him hanging.

gamerwidow · 18/03/2018 11:31

You don’t have to meet anyone you don’t want to but don’t lie and give them false hope. Just say I’m sorry but I’ve changed my mind yes he’ll probably be a bit put out but at least you’ll all know where you stand.

Original poster
FlyLittleFly · 18/03/2018 11:32

Im going to go!

OP posts:
MintyChops · 18/03/2018 11:36

Maybe he will be really lovely and worth the effort! Good luck....

StealthPolarBear · 18/03/2018 11:36

If you don't want to meet that's as good a reason as any. Just say you've changed your mind and apologise for messing him about. Hell be mildly peeved but it's hardly going to freak his heart.
What's putting you off?

StealthPolarBear · 18/03/2018 11:37

Not an x post. Unless you have a habit of wimping out i think you should listen to your instinct

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/03/2018 11:38

Glad you're going as that message was terrible!

Good luck OP.

inmyshoos · 18/03/2018 11:40

What changed your mind op?

Allthebestnamesareused · 18/03/2018 11:41

He/she may end up.being "the one!

Serialweightwatcher · 18/03/2018 11:41

Have you sent him the message about bug ... I'm a bit confused because then you said you're going to go. If you don't want to go and have no intention of ever seeing him just say it's too soon after break up and you're sorry but thought it would be okay, but you can't do it. If you think you may want to see him one day, then do the don't feel well one and see how you feel next time maybe

TenThousandSpoons · 18/03/2018 11:42

Hope it goes well OP. Smile

strawberrysparkle · 18/03/2018 11:42

Good luck!