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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is there any way I can do this without being a dick?!

48 replies

FlyLittleFly · 18/03/2018 11:09

I have an online date today but am getting a weird feeling about it. The guy seeems nice enough but I think we are quite different and it’s a trek for both of us (he is coming into London and it’s on the other part of London to where I live). I know this is really bad form but I really don’t want to go and entertain a stranger for three hours!

Is there any way I can politely back out with minimum feelings hurt or do I owe it to him to carry on? Meeting in four hours but he lives far away so I need to say ASAP if not going

OP posts:

littlepill · 18/03/2018 11:44

Yay! Glad you didn’t send that message - it was too opaque. Good luck and remember you can stay in control. Trust your instincts.

HonkyWonkWoman · 18/03/2018 11:47

Go Littlefly!!!! So glad that you are going to meet him. It could be the best thing or not, but if you don't go, you'll never know, will you?
Good Luck!

littleskittle · 18/03/2018 11:47

I called off an online date last minute as wasn't in right mood, nervous etc....he was a bit hurt so I rearranged despite feeling unsure, and it ended up going really well.

That was 5 years ago and we're now married with 2 kids!

You're right to give it a go- I always think what might have been if I hadn't rearranged!! Good luck - keep an open mind and have fun!

VioletCharlotte · 18/03/2018 11:50

Go for it! You've got nothing to lose by meeting him. Just make sure you stay safe and have a plan for getting home. If you've still got a weird feeling when you're with him, trust your instincts.

Hope you have a good time.

summercat · 18/03/2018 11:51

@FlyLittleFly

Why and how did you suddenly change your mind?

Literally within a few minutes!

Ginkypig · 18/03/2018 11:56

If you don't want to go that's fine. Just tell him with as much not notice as possible. You don't need to make up excuses but Don't give him the option of a raincheck though or you'll have to go through it all again.

You've said your going in an update, if you want to then have a great time!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 18/03/2018 11:57

If you are getting a weird feeling about this meeting, then you shouldn't be going.
Tell him the truth, you've made a mistake, it is too soon for you to be contemplating dating again.
Appologise, wish him well, and leave it at that.

demirose87 · 18/03/2018 12:00

I wouldn't have gone. When I was dating I had to be really feeling it to go and make the effort to go and meet a stranger, otherwise it's a waste of both your time.

SavageBeauty73 · 18/03/2018 15:19

Did you go?

BettyBaggins · 18/03/2018 15:35

I wanna know whats happening

LeighaJ · 18/03/2018 15:36

FlyLittleFly

I think it's bad to ignore your gut instincts just in order to avoid being rude.

Bexter801 · 18/03/2018 15:38

Okay,I'm dying to know how it went? I think you were right to go btw :) No harm in meeting him,and saved his feelings

KJE2017 · 18/03/2018 15:41

You never know he could be the man of your dreams!

ErniesGhostlyGoldtops · 18/03/2018 15:53

I nearly bottled out of meeting a date I had only spoken to over the 'phone. I so nearly called him but I didn't. Been married 15 years this summer. It might be worth a punt OP.

Original poster

FlyLittleFly · 18/03/2018 17:15

I went! We are veryyyy different but it was an experience - couple of drinks, couple of hours, onwards and upwards :)

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/03/2018 17:17

Bexter801 · 18/03/2018 17:20

Oh brilliant....do you think you'll meet again?

Original poster

FlyLittleFly · 18/03/2018 17:28

Probably not no! There was no talk of it and spark for me really either - but it was an experience :)

OP posts:

Bexter801 · 18/03/2018 17:30

Aw well,if you never went you'd never have known :)

littleskittle · 19/03/2018 08:06

Still think you did the right thing by going!

HonkyWonkWoman · 19/03/2018 08:53

Never mind LittleFly, you have to "kiss a lot of frogs"! As they say!

littlepill · 19/03/2018 09:08

I think you did the right thing by going, too! Shame no spark - have had some dates like this, but it has been a good leveller. Also keeps one's faith in the dating game: some dates can still be 'normal' without groping, snogging, sex, etc.

I had one like this a few months ago, and felt like you. Forced myself to go. Knew from the start it was a non-goer in terms of romance (for both of us), but he said some lovely things and we have remained friends and supported each other since

Upwards, as you say!

iLoveABiccy · 19/03/2018 11:00

Go!! I met my DP on Tinder. Lol. He made me laugh so so so much over the phone before we met, we got on like a house on fire. But, I was always cautious about meeting up with him the first time, got a bit nervous incase I didn't like him as much as I wanted to! But when we met up we had such fun together and he is the bet person I've ever met in my life. So... you never know!!! Good luck.

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