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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To question how people manage work when their children are sick?

51 replies

Mummy2JamesNmax · 25/02/2018 19:54

I’m lucky that my employer is very understanding when I have to take time off to look after my children if they are ill.

I just don’t get how I would manage if they weren’t and also how other people do it?

I work pt 3 days a week and have school holidays off, I teach so I don’t get a holiday allowance that I could use if they were ill during term time. I use a childminder to look after my children when I work. My parents and Inlaws all work full time and I have no one else who I can ask to look after my children if they are ill so myself/husband are forced to take time off. We usually take turns depending on who has took more time off lately.

Are most people just lucky enough to have parents or inlaws that don’t work? Surely there must be others in a similar situation to me. What do you do? I just wonder what would happen if I changed employment and my boss wasn’t so understanding. I also feel like my youngest gets ill quite often due to him being extremely prem and on oxygen until he was 10 months, he often suffers with chest infections and sometimes gets admitted as he struggles to fight cold viruses.

OP posts:

NerNerNerNerBATMAN · 25/02/2018 19:58

DH and I sort it between ourselves. No outside help. We try and take it in turns, or see who's working Day can most easily be rearranged. Then we call our respective employer, explain the situation, and take it either as fully paid carers leave (up to 3 days per year, managers discretion), annual leave, or unpaid leave. It's an arse but it's fine.

gamerwidow · 25/02/2018 19:58

You have to hope for a sympathetic employer or rely on friends and family. I’m lucky that my mum is retired and local so if Dd can’t go to school she goes there instead. My employer is also flexible in that I can take annual leave at short notice or swap my days to cover sickness as is my CM so if Dd was ill on a usual workday my CM wouldnt mind swapping her day that week so I could make the time up.

SundaySalon · 25/02/2018 19:59

I work in a similar place, they let you take them time off and you either take it unpaid use annual leave or do overtime. Though I think if it’s a day or two they just let it slide. Also our school are militant with sick days, unless they have an infection that’s contagious they want them there..
I am not sure how we would work around it if we didn’t have flexible employers though..

Roseandmabelshouse · 25/02/2018 20:00

Unpaid leave normally. I would take time off as my oh earns more per day.

Phalarope · 25/02/2018 20:00

Babysitter if the older one is well enough, eg just sitting out the 48 hour rule but not actually sick, or the end of chicken pox. Hideously expensive but I get to go to work. Otherwise we often stagger the day between us, so I go to work early and do a half/three quarter day then swap with DP and he works late. We are both lucky to have relatively flexible jobs apart from certain core hours, and understanding employers. I make it clear at work when DP is off with sick kids, so they know it’s not just me taking days off.

blackeyes72 · 25/02/2018 20:02

It's a nightmare....
Ours are older now so it's possible to work from home whilst they are off sick.. But it still needs one of us to work from home.

We have managed it so far and dcs are junior school/secondary school. I do worry about circumstances changing and not being able to, as I would still not like to leave a sick 10-13 year old at home by themselves!

nomorespaghetti · 25/02/2018 20:02

This isn't really helpful, because i don't have an answer, but my DD had two surgeries and four emergency hospital admissions at the back end of last year, and i had to leave my job. She is disabled, but no one could have foreseen this level of illness. She was supposed to just have one surgery and that was that!

When we were in the middle of it i often wondered how parents who work and can't easily take time off cope in these circumstances (which i do understand were extreme). I would have ended up having between 6 and 8 weeks off if I'd stayed at work, four of those weeks being unforeseeable emergencies. I said to my dh if I'd stayed at work i probably would have been fired! We're very fortunate to be in a position that allowed me to take time away from my career (although i feel like I'm stagnating at bit now), i can't imagine how stressful it must be if that's not possible.

NewBallsPlease00 · 25/02/2018 20:03

It's hideous.
It's me and DH only so wing it between us, hoping that by day 3 they're well enough to take back!!
We work from home where possible but usually just get kids to bed and then laptop on for the night...

PurplePotatoes · 25/02/2018 20:03

We are in a similar situation to you...I work term time only, so no annual leave and DH is in a role where he can't easily drop things and go without leaving people in a very difficult situation.

The only person we have is my dad who can occasionally have DC for a half day/ day but isn't usually free straight away to pick DC up from nursery if we get a call.

I get 5 paid days per year for this - have only been back from mat leave for a few months and have used 2 already! It doesn't help when you have 2 DC in nursery that one gets something so you are off and then a week later it's passed on to the other- I dread my phone ringing at work!

ChilliMum · 25/02/2018 20:06

Same here no family near so we manage it ourselves. I work part time so I can sometimes swap my days. Dh (depending on what he has on) can use his flexi time and / or work from home.

We are also lucky to have understanding employers. In the last term alone both kids have had a virus/ headache/ fever thing that lasted for a week and dd and Dh have had gastro! Neither of us can really afford to have any more time off.

Bobbybobbins · 25/02/2018 20:07

It's so hard - we don't have anyone who can help at short notice. Last summer we had 2 weeks off between us with DS2 viral gingivitis then DS1 got chickenpox then DS2 got it. I thought I was going to be sacked!

frasier · 25/02/2018 20:08

I was just thinking this the other day. DC is ill but I'm not working yet. Will be from September. Will be keeping an eye on this thread!

Phalarope · 25/02/2018 20:08

At one point, we paid a subscription to an emergency nanny service for this kind of situation, but they let us down twice in a row, so sacked that off.

Have also begged relatives for help from hundreds of miles away in proper crises.

It is really hard and I don’t think there’s a definitive solution, other than to box and cox each time.

AtlanticWaves · 25/02/2018 20:08

Previous employer I had 3 paid days a year but only if D.C. Was hospitalized. We relied on grandparents mainly.

Current employer is great. I get 3 paid sick days per child per year (have to have a Drs note) and if I don't use them they can be used the next year...

If they run out then I'll work from home (if possible) or take annual leave. Or DH will.

minipie · 25/02/2018 20:08

Nanny (but that's expensive obviously). Nannies will look after ill children.

I believe some childminders will look after ill kids if it isn't D&V

AtlanticWaves · 25/02/2018 20:10

Oh and we vaccinated against chicken pox partly for this reason !

MereDintofPandiculation · 25/02/2018 20:12

I believe some childminders will look after ill kids if it isn't D&V Yeah, mine used to. In fact both the childminders I've had - one nursed DC1 through chickenpox and the other did the same with DC2

MMcanny · 25/02/2018 20:13

Always worked full time but 4-days of ten hours including weekends and split shifts so fairly easy to work at the end of the week to make up for missed days/hours.

pickledparsnip · 25/02/2018 20:15

I take unpaid leave. I'm a single parent, there's no way ds's Dad would ever take the day off to look after him. Thankfully my Mum is nearby, and helps when she can. I'm very lucky that ds rarely gets ill.

user1487194234 · 25/02/2018 20:17

My mum always does it

Lulabelle14 · 25/02/2018 20:19

A cross between making the call on how ill is ill... and not giving my boss the option!?I had to tell him today I won't be in tomorrow due to my lo D&V. Basically I no longer ask, I tell them this is what's happening but I work from home when lo naps and I'll do some work tonight. I'm a single parent so I'm cut some slack for it but quite frankly after several nights no sleep I'd be a terrifying one to say no to!!

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 25/02/2018 20:22

We're very lucky that our DC have generally been in rude health and now that they are older we can manage better anyway . DH works nights so they are often both in bed while I'm at work if one is ill and vice versa. Our families live 150+ miles away so no handy emergency services, as it were...

Gazelda · 25/02/2018 20:22

We take it in turns to take time off (we save our holiday for this). Now dd is a bit older (10), we can work from home while she sits on the sofa or snuggles in bed. It was much harder when she was younger as she needed our attention and we couldn't realistically claim to be working.

BubblesPip · 25/02/2018 20:27

I’m a single parent and have no choice but to stay off unpaid. I had to leave my last job before I was pushed as I missed a ridiculous amount of shifts when my Dd was poorly. It’s tough, very tough.

Original poster

Mummy2JamesNmax · 25/02/2018 20:27

So it seems like this is just the way it is for a lot of us.
It’s kind of reassuring to know that it’s not just us that struggle. I really feel for those of you who’s employers aren’t as understanding as mine, I know I am lucky in that respect.
Usually my childminder will keep them at home with her instead of sending them to school as long as it’s not D&V and they don’t have a temperature. But then I do feel for them when they still have to do multiple school/playgroup/Nursery runs with her through the day when they are ill.
My childminder is on holiday this week and my son is unwell so it looks like I may have to take some time off this week. He was meant to be in after school club until 5.30pm tomorrow, I will see how he is in the morning and make a decision.

OP posts:

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