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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To question how people manage work when their children are sick?

51 replies

Mummy2JamesNmax · 25/02/2018 19:54

I’m lucky that my employer is very understanding when I have to take time off to look after my children if they are ill.

I just don’t get how I would manage if they weren’t and also how other people do it?

I work pt 3 days a week and have school holidays off, I teach so I don’t get a holiday allowance that I could use if they were ill during term time. I use a childminder to look after my children when I work. My parents and Inlaws all work full time and I have no one else who I can ask to look after my children if they are ill so myself/husband are forced to take time off. We usually take turns depending on who has took more time off lately.

Are most people just lucky enough to have parents or inlaws that don’t work? Surely there must be others in a similar situation to me. What do you do? I just wonder what would happen if I changed employment and my boss wasn’t so understanding. I also feel like my youngest gets ill quite often due to him being extremely prem and on oxygen until he was 10 months, he often suffers with chest infections and sometimes gets admitted as he struggles to fight cold viruses.

OP posts:

Married3Children · 25/02/2018 20:39

Our dcs have rarely being ill.
We’ve had a combo of my parents, H working form home, dcs at home alone (obviously when they got older), me working part time so crossing fingers it would fall on one those days (can’t take time off at such short notice either)

fia101 · 25/02/2018 20:42

At work I act like I have no kids and at home I act like I don't work. It's shit.

If kids are ill I take annual leave if mil can't assist.

I work in a small team of 4 and my boss has no idea whether I have boys or girls or what names are no interest whatsoever. Which is fine.

I can take one day annual leave then (even if chicken pox) you get it sorted.

I'd rather say I was snowed in/car won't start than admit I have a child who is ill. I can imagine the eye rolls from the boss.

xyzandabc · 25/02/2018 20:50

When they were little DH and I took turns in having the day off. I've only worked 3 days a week since having kids and 1 of those was always sat or sun, with DH working mon-fri, we only ever needed help on my 2 weekday working days. I also had 3 x 12 month maternity leaves in 6 years so that covered a lot.

Now circs have changed, the youngest is 5, I still work 3 days a week but term time only and DH work from home permanently (with occasional travel) so if they are I'll on one if my 3 days then they just stay home with DH working and checking on them every so often. They are old enough to stay in bed/on the sofa with a book/tablet/TV. If DH is away, it's not a problem for me to take a day off.

So although we have no family help nearby we've always managed to have jobs that are very family friendly. Though we also have 3 x kids that are very rarely ill. At 11,9 and 6 I reckon they've had less than 20 sick days between them ever. Most of those were in preschool or younger. Their average school sick days are less than 1 day per year per child.

Babdoc · 25/02/2018 20:54

I was widowed when my two DDs were babies, and I worked full time, so it was a nightmare. As a hospital doctor, I couldn’t “work from home” either! I had a daytime nanny until they were 7 and 8 years old, and I gave them every possible immunisation to prevent illnesses, but with my relatives 250 miles away I had no back up. If they had a bad cold/cough or vomiting bug I sometimes just had to leave them at home with water and snacks and sort things out when I got back from work. Fortunately they were both very resourceful and rarely ill enough to need to be off school. Several years they got a prize for 100% attendance! I look back now that they’re 27 and 28 years old and wonder how the hell we managed, but they’ve turned out fine.

Arapaima · 25/02/2018 20:54

My parents are retired and happy to step in in an emergency. DH can occasionally work from home. Once I ended up taking a child into work with me and playing on the iPad in my office for an hour and a half

Also my DC are rarely ill (touch wood!).

trilbydoll · 25/02/2018 20:57

PIL have just retired which will be useful going forward. We have fairly flexible jobs so dh used to go in at 5am, we would swap at 10am, then he might go back to work at 6pm. Crazy days!

Teeniemiff · 25/02/2018 20:58

I have A/L I can take but if that’s ran out then it’s unpaid leave. Usually is unpaid as I have 5 weeks holiday a year (quite generous) which is often booked up with needing time off on school Holidays.

WishingOnABar · 25/02/2018 21:01

Also lone parent here, just have to take unpaid leave and hope it doesnt last longer than a couple of days (in October I ended up off for a week with him, certainly made November’s budget very lean).
My employer is supposed to be sympathetic but I find my actual manager far from it, often get quite irritable responses when I do have to call in but fortunately ds is only ill maybe twice a year, and I am a diligent and efficient member of staff so I dont think it will affect my position there.
There are several other staff members who routinely call in due to car breakdown / boiler repair emergencies etc and openly refer to their sickness leave limit as “entitlement” so I wont beat myself up over taking time for my child.
DS is 9 this year so I figure I’m only looking at another 4 / 5 years in which I will have to be home with him during sickness, my parents left us at home with a big bottle of lucozade etc when we were ill at secondary school age so I think that will be reasonable then

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 25/02/2018 21:03

We have to take annual leave although we have changed our careers since having children to make this sort of thing easier (we don’t have any family near) to have sympathetic employers and self employment. It’s still
Tough though. We’re lucky that they don’t seem to get ill often

Cleanermaidcook · 25/02/2018 21:07

Dh1 usually uses holiday days to take time off, if he is working away I take unpaid leave. Not ideal as I work in a nursery and ratios need to be met but it's just one of those things.

oblada · 25/02/2018 21:08

Time off for dependants is a right so shouldn't be denied by employers but it is about emergencies ie child sick 1-2 days. If it happens a lot then other provisions ideally should be made (easier said than done of course).
For us the kids are not frequently sick to start with so that helps... With 3 kids I can't see what we would do if they all took turns being poorly! Thankfully it is a very rare occurrence for any of us to be I'll.
In terms of dealing with it: DH has 5 days 'dependants days' that he can use (paid), otherwise I can ask for last minute holidays, nursery is also generally not too tight on kids being a bit poorly. O
Once we were 'lucky' as kids got chickenpox when my mother in law was here (she's abroad normally) so that was handy... Tho they then got it a second time (a few months later) when she was gone... Thankfully it was much a quicker recovery time then!

PinkyBlunder · 25/02/2018 21:08

Not so much now but with major difficulty in the past when we both worked emergency services with no family to rely on. It was a case of beg, borrowing and stealing annual leave, carers leave and unpaid leave and having a lot of arguments with line managers!

RedSkyAtNight · 25/02/2018 21:09

DH and I split the sick leave as much as we can.We also do things like one of us going in late, and one going in early so that we can both work a full day. Depending on nature of sickness/current day's work it's also sometimes possible to work at home.

I am incredibly jealous of all these folks who have family who can step in whenever needed.

roses2 · 25/02/2018 21:11

I pay a babysitter as it's cheaper than me taking unpaid leave.

In the past one month, ds1 had 1 week of chicken pox. 18 days later ds2 got chicken pox and 2 days after that finished ds1 has come down with a fever. Day 2 so far and no sign of it going away yet...

BakedBeans47 · 25/02/2018 21:13

In my last job I got paid dependants leave. Not had to take time off in this one but my bosses are great so hoping there wouldn’t be a problem. We would try and arrange for either my husband to take some time off or for my parents to watch them.

Appuskidu · 25/02/2018 21:17

I teach and do sympathise-there’s no jiggle room as you can hardly offer to work during the holidays instead.

We are lucky in that DH works from home and my parents are local and fine with having sick kids. People I work with are less fortunate, and despite having a lovely management-taking too much time off is frowned on and also unpaid.

namechangedtoday15 · 25/02/2018 21:24

No family help here.

If we knew in advance that a DC would be unable to go to school the following day, one of us would go into the office say 6am - 2pm, get home for say 2.30pm and the other would do 3pm or 4pm to midnight! Meant we both did our hours at work and didn't have to take too much annual leave (which we tried to save to cover the school holidays between us). HR depts were quite good being accommodating like that.

Fortunately we've been lucky in that they're rarely ill and if they are (have 3 DC) it's usually together!

YellowMakesMeSmile · 25/02/2018 21:27

We share any days needed based on who has the busiest day, rarer that is they needed much time off after year one at school.

Lemongingertea80 · 25/02/2018 21:29

My parents and in laws don't work but would not baby sit and definitely not a sick child ( they stay well away then!) So my dh and I take turns depending on who has work commitments that can't be sorted out.

BitchQueen90 · 25/02/2018 21:47

I'm a single parent and my family all work, my parents both still work full time so I have no childcare help if DS was off sick. My employer is understanding and I can take time off but it would be unpaid and as mine is the only household income I want to avoid that as much as possible.

Luckily we're quite a hardy household. The only time I've ever had to keep DS home was when he had chicken pox at age 3. He started full time school in September and no sick days so far.

LBOCS2 · 25/02/2018 21:47

No family help here - my DM (who did help us in extremis whenever DD1 was sick) died, DDad lives 1.5hrs away, ILs are younger and all still working.

We juggle. We play the 'my day has more important things happening' game. I work three days a week so can often shift them, and if not then I work from home. DH can also work from home occasionally as long as he doesn't have external/legal/strategic meetings happening. Sometimes we split the shifts (one morning/afternoon each). We do have quite understanding employers and are luckily both senior enough that we can sort of get away with telling them how we'll be managing our workload rather than asking.

NoqontroI · 25/02/2018 21:52

Lone parent, so I either see if I can work from home, get a sitter who is willing or take the day unpaid. No other options.

BitchQueen90 · 25/02/2018 21:52

To be fair though I only work in a call centre so don't have any responsibility really. There are plenty of other staff members to keep the place running if one person is off.

VladmirsPoutine · 25/02/2018 21:56

One of my colleagues was 'managed out' because she took a lot of time off when her son was unwell. I felt really angry on her behalf but I wasn't in a position to do anything about it then.

I wondered if she was a unique scenario but having consulted other friends it would appear once you become a mother you're bottom of the pile.

Original poster

Mummy2JamesNmax · 25/02/2018 21:58

Lemongingertea80

I get you with the parents/inlaws not wanting to have them when they are sick.
It amazes me when people say ‘Oh but don’t you have any friends who could mind them for you?’
Erm, no, they are sick and I’m pretty sure my friends wouldn’t appreciate my kids sharing their illness with them and their children on their days off

OP posts:

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