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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for a male DR

57 replies

Singlebutmarried · 21/02/2018 21:48

So the story is my GP of 20+ years retired about a year ago, he recommended I then went with imhis replacement (lovely lady Has been really good). But. I have a chronic disease (need seeing every 3 months or so for meds reviews) and the new DR has now gone one maternity leave.

That is fine (she’s lovely so I’m sure she’ll have beautiful baby and a lovely time)

I just need some consistency. Have I been spoilt by 20 yrs of same GP?

Or am I ok to totally swap to one of the other partners?

OP posts:

IveGotStupidHair · 21/02/2018 21:49

You can ask for whoever you like. It may be a bit more difficult to get appointments though, especially at short notice if you’re only happy to see one particular doctor.

LanguidLobster · 21/02/2018 21:50

It's perfectly fine to doctor shop, your body, your health.

Hope you find one who suits you.

Yes you were probably lucky to have a good one for 20 years!

Original poster

Singlebutmarried · 21/02/2018 21:52

With my illness I’ve aleays seen one for that and whoever for other stuff. So I find one for the main stuff and whoever is there for the ‘I’ve chopped the tip of my toe off stuff’ has worked.

I just need some consistency I think.

I know all DRs can read the records. But they don’t know me (I’m not quite typical)

OP posts:

Original poster

Singlebutmarried · 21/02/2018 21:53

Languid totally bloody blessed. He diagnosed the disease before the consultants did. So I’ve been really spoilt.

OP posts:

VladmirsPoutine · 21/02/2018 22:04

Or. Or. Or. Are you being a goady fucker?

CantChoose · 21/02/2018 22:06

You can swap to a male partner but that doesn't mean they won't ever have paternity or sick leave

CannotEvenThink · 21/02/2018 22:08

I do understand. I cried when the wonderful gp who coaxed me back from mental breakdown left. But you never know what will happen. Drs move on, quite a lot as it happens, male Drs can take parental leave or get ill just as female ones can. Not all female Drs of childbearing age will choose to or be able to have children. You just don't know. You could eschew a female Dr for a man but have him be run over by a bus or take an extended holiday to Thailand for all you know.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 21/02/2018 22:12

OP don't ever assume that because they are male, they won't take time off!! That is so misogynistic! My male GP has a charity, raising funds for Africa, and he disappears for months on end! I choose a wonderful female GO at the Practice now...much more reliable!'

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 21/02/2018 22:12

GP....not GO!!!!

Original poster

Singlebutmarried · 21/02/2018 22:13

Vlad. No goady ness. The guy saved my life.

I like consistency, I prefer someone me who knows my history.

I’m just a bit oh my after being with the same dr for years.

The new dr was getting to know the ins and outs.

I did have the option of good nag with one of the existing partners, but was told they were taking the brunt.

Hence choosing the other DR

OP posts:

LanguidLobster · 21/02/2018 22:13

Think OP just wants some continuity and misses her previous doctor so wants to emulate that relationship

ZenNudist · 21/02/2018 22:17

My male doctor had several months off stressed out (unsurprisingly).

Meanwhile women come back from mat leave to permenant roles all the time.

I think you are being misogynistic.

HicDraconis · 21/02/2018 22:17

YABVU to prefer a male doctor over a female doctor because she may take maternity leave. The male doctor may also take shared parental leave, or be like my colleague who takes 2 months leave without pay every year to work with medical providers in third world countries, or be like one of my other colleagues who is an avid mountain biker and has had vast amounts of time off due to injuries.

YANBU to prefer a male doctor because they are more empathic, or clinically have an interest in your particular condition, or because you’ve had a traumatic experience with females and prefer not to see them (using all the reasons why people have requested female doctors recently and turning them around).

Original poster

Singlebutmarried · 21/02/2018 22:18

There’s no misogyny here.

The new lady DR was excellent. However, she’s probably not best placed to deal with me.

I need consistency. I only found out today she wouldn’t be there for the next year (is that a drip feed of so I m sorry)

OP posts:

Seniorcitizen1 · 21/02/2018 22:23

It is in your long term best interrst to see the same Dr for an ongoing condition - most GPs recognise this and my surgery recommend it. You should try to find a GP who you are comfortable with over the long term - short term issues any will do. I had frozen shoulders for over 2 years and saw same GP every time.

Yellowshadeofgreen · 21/02/2018 22:24

What a bizarre post. Get whatever GP you’d prefer. You are not interviewing for a job. There are no laws insisting on gender equality on this. Do as you please. You are being sexist though assuming no male doctor ever will take leave.

PerfectlyDone · 21/02/2018 22:26

Of course you can see whichever dr you prefer, male, female or otherwise

I too prefer consistency as seeing the same HCP and I understand your preference there.
Just bear in mind that male drs can also go off on extended periods of leave for various reasons, so don't become too dependent on one particular person.

Livruns · 21/02/2018 22:28

What has the Dr’s gender got or do with the price of Fish? Of course you can request another doctor for the reason you want more consistency (or for any other reason for that matter), but I totally fail to see the relevance of their gender.

Verbena37 · 21/02/2018 22:29

Everybody registered with a practice is formerly registered with a named GP.
Obviously nowadays, you can book to see any doctor but why not just stick with your registered doctor and then you’re guaranteed one GP. If they’re off sick or take leave, that’s just something you’ll have to get used to.

At the end of the day, although I realise you’ve got a chronic illness, but everybody has a 10 minute slot (or 5 minute emergency regency slot) and the GP’s target is to meet, treat and send you on your way. Yes, it’s great when they know you’re history but sadly, it’s not always possible.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 21/02/2018 22:36

But you ARE being misogynistic, no matter how much you praise your female GP! The title to the thread states your desire to request a male GP and when we delve further, it is because you believe men are likely to hang around longer and not take as much time off as female GPs!!

You are completely ignoring all the female GPs in their fifties, all the men like MY surgery who swan off to Africa achieving nothing much, and all the female GPs who don't have nor want children!!

You are assuming men are more reliable!! How is that NOT misogynistic??

Maryann1975 · 21/02/2018 22:47

I agree with the majority. Ask for a male doctor if you want, but don’t assume you will always be able to get an appointment with him. I’m not a doctor, but if I were, my patients would have been able to get an appointment with me for the last 6 years and forever more, I’d done having children by the time I was 30 so could give another 35 solid service. Lots of reasons a doctor won’t be at work and being on maternity leave is only one of them.

Quorafun · 21/02/2018 22:49

yabu.
Wanting consistency in your care is understandable. Thats absolutely fine and well, but to assume that a man can give you that whilst a woman can't, because she will likely go off and have a baby, is sexism in a very very bad way. Please have a talk with yourself.

VladmirsPoutine · 21/02/2018 23:39

Even if you are not being goady, you are being obtuse as hell.

No patient doesn't want consistency. Why can this only be done by a male doctor? Shame on the woman for taking mat leave!

Your issue is lack of appropriate notes and communication in your medical notes. Not the genitals of the doctor you're seeing.

VladmirsPoutine · 21/02/2018 23:39

Shame on you.

LanguidLobster · 21/02/2018 23:50

Vlad I think she just misses her old GP who was there for her throughout her illness and it was a longstanding professional relationship, but expressed it clumsily.

I miss the old days where you had a family GP! These 10 minute slots are awful

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