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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for a male DR

57 replies

Singlebutmarried · 21/02/2018 21:48

So the story is my GP of 20+ years retired about a year ago, he recommended I then went with imhis replacement (lovely lady Has been really good). But. I have a chronic disease (need seeing every 3 months or so for meds reviews) and the new DR has now gone one maternity leave.

That is fine (she’s lovely so I’m sure she’ll have beautiful baby and a lovely time)

I just need some consistency. Have I been spoilt by 20 yrs of same GP?

Or am I ok to totally swap to one of the other partners?

OP posts:

w12newmum · 22/02/2018 00:33

Consistency is great but not always possible and hopefully you should be able to get good care if you sometimes need to see someone else.
Men go on parental leave, women go on parental leave, men get sick, women get sick, men move jobs, women move jobs. Doctors have lives too

videoInstructions · 22/02/2018 00:53

@VladmirsPoutine

There's a noticable pattern to your posts. Every woman is married to a bastard and should leave him.

Men are bad.

People are 'goady' if they mention a man without explaining why he's a bastard in the same breath.

@LastGirlOnTheLeft

Ignoring the fact that men are provably less likely to take leave, why is no poster called a misandrist when they want a female doctor blah, blah, trans men etc?

Is it sexist to have a preference for a Dr (or anyone else) purely because of their sex?

VladmirsPoutine · 22/02/2018 01:00

@videoInstructions Glad you've been following me. Makes me feel so much better that you are head of my fan-club

And actually no I don't hate men or think every woman should LTB. In fact I have been posting a lot about the LTB or go NC obsession on MN.

But thanks for taking the time out. I have a fan!!! Go me!

pallisers · 22/02/2018 01:04

Is it possible for you to meet with the practice manager and explain that consistency is very important to you so a doctor who may be taking large chunks of time off will not suit you. Also tell them how much your last GP meant to you - they may be able to allocate you to the person most like him in the practice - which could be a female.

Because you could request a male dr and he could take 4 months off to mind his dying dad or to climb everest, or to have a breakdown or deal with his own health. Being male isn't a guarantee of being there all the time - and a male doctor won't be the same, necessarily, as your last GP.

videoInstructions · 22/02/2018 01:10

Definitely not a fan, it's just you're very 'noticable'.

"In fact I have been posting a lot about the LTB"

That's ironic. You told a poster to watch out for signs of abuse when her husband was talking to a neighbour in the garden instead of hoovering.

Why do you think the OP's goady?

VladmirsPoutine · 22/02/2018 01:28

Yay! I've been 'noticed'! Do I get some kind of award now from MNHQ?

I can't quite believe my luck!

Stompythedinosaur · 22/02/2018 01:36

YABU and sexist.

Male are not innately more consistent and reliable than women.

UgandanKnuckles · 22/02/2018 01:40

If OP were asking if it was unreasonable to ask for a female doctor, she'd be getting backed to the hilt.

See whatever doctor you feel happiest with, OP.

NKFell · 22/02/2018 01:43

OP I think it is sexist to assume a male doctor will be more reliable than a female doctor so in my opinion YABU.

I think asking for the same sex when discussing something intimate or having exams is quite different. I completely understand a male preferring another male and a female preferring another female.

I'm also sure you just have a need and desire for consistency and I wish you the best!

VladmirsPoutine · 22/02/2018 01:47

That's ironic. You told a poster to watch out for signs of abuse when her husband was talking to a neighbour in the garden instead of hoovering.

Except I didn't. I feel so honoured to have my very first MN fan. Will you recruit others.

nocoolnamesleft · 22/02/2018 02:04

Can we please try to avoid the term "lady doctor" unless also using the term "gentleman doctor"? It makes me teeth hurt.

(Lady doctor has been used for many, many years as a dismissive term to put down women in medicine)

Getting back on topic: if you would prefer a different doctor, then you can of course ask for them. But be aware that men can also take significant chunks of time off.

CobraKai · 22/02/2018 02:15

Shame on you? For wanting a male Dr?

Yeah get the shame bell out, doesn't seem like an over-reaction at all.

DameSylvieKrin · 22/02/2018 02:27

If you would be happy for people at your own work to prefer to deal with your male colleagues rather than you, YANBU.
My male GP took months of sick leave with intervalls, which was much less predictable than maternity leave.

videoInstructions · 22/02/2018 02:29

@VladmirsPoutine

You did.

OP: "had done most jobs apart from food shopping and ironing so I was obviously annoyed. Dp stayed outside talking to neighbour not coming in and needed to have shower too. I went outside and said, "don't mind me it's all done anyway". And went back inside."

You: "abuse doesn't just jump out of no-where in these sorts of relationships. It starts and grows, slowly slowly you find yourself in shit. So listen, means be alert, be aware."

I said "you're noticable. Trust me; not a fan. Slightly bemused, perhaps.

You didn't say why the OP was goady. I'm interested.

VladmirsPoutine · 22/02/2018 02:33

Will you come to my book signing @videoInstructions?

Last time someone was this obsessed with me was when I was in Uni. I have a fan finally! Where can I buy some bunting?

videoInstructions · 22/02/2018 02:49

LanguidLobster · 22/02/2018 02:55

Ok I'll be a fan if you really want them. I'll try to get obsessed. I'll work on it.

Where do we sign these books, Waterstones?

VladmirsPoutine · 22/02/2018 03:10

@LanguidLobster who knows. Do Waterstones still even do signings? I thought they were not just the reserve of Youtube 'celebs'.

But I just can't help but find it funny that someone has been chasing me around threads only to take umbrage at my own taking umbrage that a doctor's genitals would have anything to do with their care provision.

I will no longer derail the thread. But I look forward to my award from HQ. Who follows anyone on MN? - I never thought myself 'noticeable' I just post when the moment strikes me and I'm pissing about on the internet.

But there we go.

Bowerbird5 · 22/02/2018 03:14

I understand. I had a wonderful GP for about twenty years. I couldn't fault her. She listened, was thorough, supported me through a difficult pregnancy etc

I was given another female GP. First visit she was rude and second visit patronising. I won't have her again, ever! You can go to any GP in the practice. I tried several before finding my current one who I have now had for several years. He listens, is very thorough, has a bit of banter with me but also is sympathetic and supportive when I need it. He is almost as good as the first one and I feel lucky to have had two such good GPs in the practice. I also need continuity of care. I have another one as back up who is very clever and polite and pleasant. I feel confident to go to him if my GP is away. I suggest you do the same. You need to have a repore and confidence especially if you need continuity of care as you do. I hope you find someone who suits you.

Triliteration · 22/02/2018 03:16

Maybe after her year off, she will be the most consistent doctor in the place for the next nineteen years. You say in your OP, you see someone every three months or so. So there will only be three or four of these appointments with a different doctor. It seems a pity to write off a good doctor who is already beginning to know you and your case and swap to someone else when there is no guarantee they will be more consistent.

And sadly, it is the case in the U.K. that women tend to take more parental leave because the system is sexist. If parental leave was split evenly, the OP wouldn’t be asking this question.

Battleax · 22/02/2018 03:18

Or. Or. Or. Are you being a goady fucker?

You okay there vlad?

VladmirsPoutine · 22/02/2018 03:22

@Battleax I'm alright my love, just hate it when we need to start discussing genitals as some sort of criteria for ones fitness to do the job.

Battleax · 22/02/2018 04:07

Ah ISWYM. I was assuming, probably wrongly, that all the other doctors were male, which made it seem less bad.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 22/02/2018 04:35

I assume you also won’t go for any doctor (male or female) who is older as they may also retire? Perhaps you should also check upcoming career plans in case they intend to move to the other side of the country? Check whether they undertake any dangerous hobbies like skiing which might put them out of action? Ask whether they suffer from stress and might go on sick leave?

You can use whatever criteria you want for choosing your doctor but really using the risk of maternity leave as a factor against is daft considering the wide range of other reasons that you might not be able to access the same doctor for a period of time

RadioGaGoo · 22/02/2018 05:42

Videoinstructions, did you just post something from another thread that was completely irrelevant to this thread in order to prove a point to another poster? How very weird you are.

OP, I have never seen one Dr consistantly at my practice -

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