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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask friends this?

52 replies

mightyducks · 21/02/2018 18:24

I am organising an event and had space to invite 4 other couples- I decided to invite 2 friends first and both accepted- that left 2 places left- I have a chat group with three other friends so messaged to say I had 2 places left. 2 friends accepted and the the third friend messaged to say that I had been very unfair to invite 3 people if only 2 could go and that I'd really upset her and she was leaving the chat group. I messaged to say we could organise extra places but she was having none of it. Was it terrible of me to invite 3 couples for 2 places?

OP posts:
Calvinlookingforhobbs · 21/02/2018 18:33

OP, This is not worth giving head space to. Friend 3 is being a drama queen. Tell her, “you snooze, you lose” and don’t give it any further thought

Snowysky20009 · 21/02/2018 18:39

Tell her to grow up

Deshasafraisy · 21/02/2018 18:49

Your friend sounds incredibly immature and hard work. Lucky escape.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 21/02/2018 18:58

Did you tell them at the outset that only two could go? If so she is being totally U.

Original poster
mightyducks · 21/02/2018 19:05

Yes told them there were only 2 places, other friends replied first to say they like to go- thought it was a fair way to give the places to those who replied first. Am now being made terrible about the whole thing

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/02/2018 19:05

I'd give a cheery "Good riddance!" to that drama queen. Who has time for people like that?

TheAntiBoop · 21/02/2018 19:08

To play devils advocate, if you regularly spend time as a 4, asking so that one person will be left out does seem a bit mean. It would be different if you had asked 4 or more maybe

Depends on the dynamic of your friendship group maybe

Thistlebelle · 21/02/2018 19:23

So basically you were honest and open that you only had two spaces and said to three friends “who can make it/would like to come?”

Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Disappointing for the one left out but surely you’d just say “what a shame I wasn’t faster, sounds fantastic. Have a wonderful time (and let me know if anyone drops out and I’ll fill in!)”

littlemissrain · 21/02/2018 19:31

I wouldn't have posted it in a group of 3 to be honest.

And to all the poster's saying 'you snooze, you lose', not everybody is on their phone every second of every day. She might have been really upset to come back to her phone and see that her three friends (you + other 2) would now al be spending the evening together without her.

Yes, she WBU to message you, but I think YWBU to post in that group in the first place

coconutlimesmoosh · 21/02/2018 19:33

ywbu. Who treats friends like that? Are you 12?

Thedogsmells · 21/02/2018 19:36

I think it was pretty thoughtless of you tbh.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 21/02/2018 19:37

YABU. Shocking way to do it if one person is going to be left out. So they have to be on their phone all the time to stand a chance of attending a social event with you? I’m not surprised the person feels upset. I would too

Thistlebelle · 21/02/2018 19:40

The thing is, if the OP had quietly contacted only two of them she’d be accessed of being dishonest, sneaky and playing favourites.

This way she gave them all the same opportunity.

Yes someone misses out on something nice but presumably she’s an adult with at least a modicum of common sense and resilience?

Bobbybobbins · 21/02/2018 19:40

I'm afraid I would feel pretty cheesed off about this and left out.

DillyDilly · 21/02/2018 19:43

I think it was a little thoughtless of you, given it’s such a small group.

Thistlebelle · 21/02/2018 19:43

I’m really surprised how many posters would have such a problem with this.

I’d expect my kids to suck this up without fuss in a similar situation.

The OP only had two places left - what would you have had her do?

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 21/02/2018 19:45

Your friend is being a bit melodramatic leaving the whatsapp group but you were being a bit thoughtless if it was something that all 3 would obviously want to attend

AlwaysPondering · 21/02/2018 19:46

I would be a bit upset too actually but might not have said anything. It's good that she's been honest. Maybe together you can add another place?

MyKingdomForBrie · 21/02/2018 19:46

Absolutely amazed how many have a problem with this! Especially as OP then offered to sort out extra places. She would have had a space if she’d happened to look at her phone quicker, she’s not left out, it’s just luck.

Thistlebelle · 21/02/2018 19:48

Kingdom thank goodness I was beginning to think it was just me!

Giraffelant · 21/02/2018 19:49

Ive been the third person in this kind of scenario before, and it didn't bother me in the slightest! Different if she had specifically said she'd love to go, and you knew the others weren't that interested, but it sounds like that wasn't the case.

Even if she was annoyed, flouncing out of the chat is just childish!

CotswoldStrife · 21/02/2018 20:01

So you could have invited everyone because there was space? First you say there was a set number of places left, then you say you could have organised more! If you could have invited everyone then yes, YABU.

GnotherGnu · 21/02/2018 20:05

Given that you could get extra places, it may have been better just to ask who was interested and work on the basis that if all three were, you'd sort out the extra.

DavidBowiesNumber1 · 21/02/2018 20:06

So if you hadn't asked at all then 2 places would have been wasted. Friend no.3 would prefer that? How immature!

Original poster
mightyducks · 21/02/2018 20:08

Cotswoldstrife- there were ten advertised spaces per table- on checking with organisers after the fall out messages - 12 seats could be achieved but would be squashed so I then offered the extra seats

OP posts: