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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask friends this?

52 replies

mightyducks · 21/02/2018 18:24

I am organising an event and had space to invite 4 other couples- I decided to invite 2 friends first and both accepted- that left 2 places left- I have a chat group with three other friends so messaged to say I had 2 places left. 2 friends accepted and the the third friend messaged to say that I had been very unfair to invite 3 people if only 2 could go and that I'd really upset her and she was leaving the chat group. I messaged to say we could organise extra places but she was having none of it. Was it terrible of me to invite 3 couples for 2 places?

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 21/02/2018 20:09

YABU

Far better to have said "there are only 2 places left but if everyone wants to go then I will organise more, can you let me know ASAP" then there is no worries if all three want to go.

As it is you set up one person to be left out and mentioned the extra space as an afterthought, I would have said no too.

MyKingdomForBrie · 21/02/2018 20:12

pyong I assume that’s a cross post as OP didn’t know she could squeeze extra in.

OP I think your friend is being totally unreasonably childish but apparently we’re in the minority judging by this thread!

BarbarianMum · 21/02/2018 20:14

Leaving one person out is never good imo.

coconutlimesmoosh · 21/02/2018 20:16

The OP only had two places left - what would you have had her do?

Not have given two places away previously and then let her 3 "friends" duke it out for the last 2?

If you'd treat your children like that I feel sorry for them. "Kids, I've got 2 tickets for the cinema, whichever 2 of you get here first can go, the other one can fuck off". Nice.

MyKingdomForBrie · 21/02/2018 20:20

Oh my god. The friend isn’t a child and isn’t ‘left out’ - she could have had a ticket! She wasn’t ‘excluded’ or ‘chosen’ to be left out, it just happened that way! I have a close group of friends, we regularly do things in pairs or threes or fours or fives - just whatever happens. No one feels left out or throws a hissy because we are adults and secure in our friendships.

Louiselouie0890 · 21/02/2018 20:21

If you could organise extra spaces why not do that in the first place?

Louiselouie0890 · 21/02/2018 20:22

I dont think it was very nice at all either

Mischa123 · 21/02/2018 20:26

I would have been upset by this but then I am sensitive and a bit 'the world is out to get me'

MaggieFS · 21/02/2018 20:26

I think it was quite mean. You treat friends with more consideration than that.

WellyBooties · 21/02/2018 20:43

I would be upset, although I would have pretended not to be.

Auspiciouspanda · 21/02/2018 20:52

I think it’s pretty mean to ask three people when you’ve only got two spaces.

Thistlebelle · 21/02/2018 21:04

coconut I’m raising my children that you can’t always be invited to everything, that sometimes people have to limit invitations because of money or space.

They take a sensible pragmatic view about these things.

Why on earth does the same not apply to adults?

After all the OP would have had no way to know if everyone was available that night. If one of the three had had a previous engagement there would have been no issue.

Creating strops/drama/fall out over something so silly seem unbelievably immature to me.

Thedogsmells · 21/02/2018 21:49

I wouldn't have said anything, but equally I wouldn't have done it either.

lynzpynz · 21/02/2018 21:59

If you basically said “trying to be fair have two spaces so first two to reply get first dibs” then not really sure why the person who wasn’t fast enough didn’t go “goddamnit I missed it! If any more spaces pop up I’d love to come too” or similar rather than throwing toys out the pram in a strop.

I’d then have said you’d make sure they got first dibs next time for next event and you’d let her know if you could wangle any more places... but that’s just me...

Bluntness100 · 21/02/2018 22:05

I don't think you handled it well to be honest. I'd have checked if you could have accommodated all of them then said who wants to come, if they all said yes, I'd have booked the extra space. Not you snooze you loose.

So she's being a drama queen but feels left out, meh, I can understand it a bit, but she's gone too far.

doesthislookoddtoyou · 21/02/2018 22:08

coconut I’m raising my children that you can’t always be invited to everything, that sometimes people have to limit invitations because of money or space

aren't we all? This isnt that.

Thistlebelle · 21/02/2018 23:48

does it’s exactly that, limited space.

It’s no different to posting on Fb “I’ve got two tickets to XYZ going for Saturday night - who wants them?”

QueenDramaLlama · 21/02/2018 23:55

I can see both sides.

Also, you have both been honest with each other, that's not a bad thing and doesn't make her a 'drama queen'. People who are honest about hurt feelings are much easier to get along with as there is usually no built up resentment or bitching.

Just tell her you'll sort her the extra seats and you can see why she'd be upset.
No reason to lose a friend over.

TwentySmackeroos · 22/02/2018 00:04

YANBU. Did she expect you to create three tickets out of two?

SD1978 · 22/02/2018 10:30

it’s hard. If I’d also been able to attend and juts not been able to check phone, I think I’d be a bit miffed. Doubt I would have said anything, just been disappointed. Given you were able to then get another couple of tickets, I’d have worded it differently. Have two tickets, but if everyone interested can grab a third too. If we were all good friends I’d feel a bit left out if I knew everyone else was having a lovely night out which I could have gone to, but missed out.

doesthislookoddtoyou · 22/02/2018 11:07

It’s no different to posting on Fb “I’ve got two tickets to XYZ going for Saturday night - who wants them?

It's totally different, and if thats how you treat friends I'm very glad I'm not one of them.

Some people on here seem to have no clue how to behave properly.

UnicornRainbowColours · 22/02/2018 11:09

I think you were unreasonble, if I had two spaces and had three people to choose from I would ask separately.

Original poster
mightyducks · 22/02/2018 23:09

Unicorn - I did think of asking two of the friends separately but felt I'd be leaving out the third friend by doing that so if it would be better to ask all three

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 23/02/2018 02:46

It's totally different, and if thats how you treat friends I'm very glad I'm not one of them

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

FlashTheSloth · 23/02/2018 03:21

I think YABU to offer 2 places to 3 people. It's not the same as offering it to a group of people, it was always going to exclude one person and it's obvious they could end up feeling shitty about it.