Leaving 4yo alone in pool changing room

[despondentatwork]

My husband left our 4yo alone in the changing rooms of a hotel swimming pool today. Albeit briefly: my son’s swimming g trunks were in the bag I had. So he came into the pool area, asked me where they were. Got them & went back. He says 15seconds. I think a bit longer & I told him after we left that I thought it had been an inappropriate thing to do. He disagrees-says I’m over-reacting. AIBU?

YABU. What do you really think would happen in that short space of time? Normally more than one adult around so unlikely both are perverts (if that’s what you’re worried about). IME other adult will keep an eye out of a child is left for a shorter period of time and would alert someone’s should anything happen.

I've put DS, age then 3 into the shower in the changing rooms while I then went with the baby to get our bags and clothes out of lockers- in a different room/ area.

He was cold. I risk assessed and decided he'd be better off in a shower than shivering and possibly stressing me out and slowing us down so I take even longer to get our stuff.

Maybe your DH made a similar call.

I personally wouldn't - I would have brought your son with me (without shoes on).

But then, I am one of those people who takes their child in with them to pay for fuel

Yanbu. It doesn't take long for something to happen if someone wants to take advantage of an opportunity. Or for child to wander back to the pool looking for parents and slip into the pool unnoticed.

YANBU. I wouldn’t leave my child alone. It takes seconds.

15 seconds? Yeah no problem. DD is 4 and if i absolutely had to leave her in this situation I'd ask her to count up to 20 or sing a nurse rhyme, loudly, knowing her, and if be back before she finished. Any more than that, then no, absolutely not.

YABVU

Would you leave your purse or your handbag alone in the changing room - even for 15 seconds?

I wouldn't simply because here in Ireland a 3 yr old boy drowned in a hotel Jacuzzi after being left briefly unsupervised.

Wise for obvious practical and psychological reasons those are two very different things.

2 of my DCS at age 4 could have left, but 1 would come with me, he’d have got his head stuck in a chair or got lost or started chatting with someone, he can fall over just standing still

It would depend on the lay out if I could see the door from where I was nipping to or not.

Not my nearly 4you. He's a horror show at the moment. He would definitely follow me to the pool, running, slip over. Or decide to fiddle with the shower/ hairdryer whatever.

I would do that yes.

And I would also leave luggage the size of a child unattended for the same amount of time, given I’m outside the door and the other door leads to wet side.

It’s OK to disagree but I can’t see the problem.

No, I'd have walked the 4 yo out with me to ask the question. It's an environment you don't know and therefore you don't know what the inbuilt hazards are, even before you get to people who are there.

15 seconds likely more is enough time to take a child, so no YADNBU

I really don’t see the issue here. What exactly do you think will happen? Yabu.

I've read a couple of reports where parents have taken their kids to the changing room and they've turned their back for the briefest of moments and the child has drowned. YANBU.

He couldn’t see him. Was two areas/rooms away. Same child heedlessly, blatantly disobeys basic instructions frequently. It was definitely more than 15 seconds.

For me it depends on the child. When my DS was 4 I did leave him briefly (30-60 secs) in changing rooms to go get things from lockers/from DH as he was a very sensible child and did what he was told. He just sat waiting for me. My best friend's children not a chance I would leave them on their own as they could not be trusted.

With your child being quite wilful I would be very cross with your DH for leaving him and not being within sight at all times.

Would you leave your purse or your handbag alone in the changing room - even for 15 seconds?

I once left my hand bag in a changing cubicle in the gym. I only realised when it wasnt in my locker over an hour later. It was handed in.

Wallet credit cards mobile phone present. Nothing taken.

YANBU. To the people saying ''it's only 15 seconds'' - actually sit and count 15 seconds. It's plenty of time. James Bulger was taken in less than 15 seconds. As for the person who said that most adults at a swimming pool will be with another adult and therefore there are likely to be less strange single people - there are plenty of single parents/carers who go to swimming baths and as for the case I just mentioned - he wasn't even taken by adults.

I would be angry and I'd make sure it never happened again.

A small child you can lift and take with you so I’d have taken him in case he wandered off more than anything my youngest liked to open doors/locks etc so I was extra careful not to leave him alone somewhere he could escape. He could get the stair gates open before his big brother. So no I wouldn’t have left him but I’d also not be upset with dh just say next time you’d rather he didn’t leave him and leave it at that.

No i wouldn't.

YANBU. To the people saying ''it's only 15 seconds'' - actually sit and count 15 seconds. It's plenty of time. James Bulger was taken in less than 15 seconds.

Precisely what I was thinking @Halie.

With his story being all over the tv and newspapers the last few days, I'm fucking astounded at the number of people telling OP she is BU.

YANBU. DH could have just picked him up and brought him with him.