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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset / angry about new Client at work

50 replies

snash12 · 13/02/2018 15:47

I work in a small company, 12 people in total. We all work in the same industry (construction) but do different elements each. So we specialise in certain things and if I have a customer who needs help with something I'm not great on, I refer them to a colleague.

A colleague referred a guy to me from a UK wide brand as he needed assistance with something I specialise in.

As soon as he realised I am female (my first name could be both female and male and we had only had email correspondence up until speaking on the phone) he started grilling me on my qualifications, experience, how much have I done of this this type of work and that type of work. I know for a fact I have over 5 years more experience is some areas than my male colleagues. He was really off and cold on the phone and almost disbelief that a woman could be doing my role.

Anyway, at the of the call he said "well, sorry but I'd much rather have Dave (name changed here!). I had to explain that Dave doesn't do this type of work and perhaps we could work together with Dave as second contact. He said he'd think about it.

If it wasn't in a work environment I would have questioned his decision but it was obvious it was because I have a vagina.

I feel really angry and a bit upset because so many of my other customers have always been positive about having a female in my role.

WIBU to tell my bosses? Initially I got so mad I googled the name of the CEO of the company he works for because as I said earlier it is a MASSIVE UK company. I wanted to write them a note to say this guy is a nasty sexist.

I thought this crap was fizzling out.

OP posts:
Worldsworstcook · 13/02/2018 15:48

Not fizzling out, just people who think it know not to say it!

saladdays66 · 13/02/2018 15:49

Yes, I would definitely share this with your boss in case the guy kicks up a fuss later at having to work with you. What a knob! I'm not surprised you're angry.

falsepriest · 13/02/2018 15:51

Bollocks to him, just say he won’t work with you and he can take his business elsewhere.

Deshasafraisy · 13/02/2018 15:52

I would seek advice from your bosses.

teaiseverything · 13/02/2018 15:53

My DH is in construction and sadly, this nonsense is still rife. Report it and ensure your superiors and/or counterparts support you.

Original poster
snash12 · 13/02/2018 15:59

I was just making a drink and boss came in the kitchen - I mentioned it informally and he said "oh yeah, he's a bit like that".

OP posts:
teaiseverything · 13/02/2018 16:03

"oh yeah he's a bit like that"

I wonder if the same would have been said of a racist comment. Bloody hell.

Original poster
snash12 · 13/02/2018 16:04

Makes me sad

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 13/02/2018 16:22

I work in construction too. It is totally a bastion of casual sexism

OnTheRise · 13/02/2018 16:22

It would make me bloody livid.

Can you speak to Dave and tell him what this client said, and ask that he keep referring him to you? Or contact the client's company and say that you were concerned that Client didn't want to deal with you, and you'd like to understand why that is?

MichaelBendfaster · 13/02/2018 16:23

"oh yeah he's a bit like that"
I wonder if the same would have been said of a racist comment.

Yes, exactly. Angry

Is there other management or HR you could talk to, OP? I'd like it logged if I were you; as others say, it might cause trouble further down the line, so I'd rather have it flagged and on record as soon as possible.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/02/2018 16:26

The sad thing is that anything that you do to try and put him right / call him on it / get him into trouble will only reinforce his beliefs about women

Original poster
snash12 · 13/02/2018 16:32

Unfortunately no proper HR, we are only small and the Directors tend to deal with most things themselves

OP posts:
MichaelBendfaster · 13/02/2018 16:36

Can you go to the directors then?

And do ACAS deal with this sort of thing? Worth a call to them?

MoistCantaloupe · 13/02/2018 16:41

fucking fuckwit. Seems like your boss isn't going to be much help!

I used to get this at my old place. I would probably just remind myself that I am fucking awesome, and he is an absolute jangle bag. I am the one who is amazing at her job, he is just an outdated sexist idiot. Feel sorry for him, don't let him make you angry - he's got to live the rest of his life being a jerk!

And when you work with him, rise above him and show him how amazing you are so the bastard feels like an inferior idiot.

KinkyAfro · 13/02/2018 16:43

I hear you, I'm a woman in construction too and it's rife....usually from the guys i actually work with

QuestionableMouse · 13/02/2018 16:43

I'd warn him once that any more sexist comments will mean his contract won't be upheld. You're fully qualified and he can either work with you or take his business elsewhere.

Oh, and I would send that email to the CEO. Nasty little men should be called out on their nasty small minded behaviour.

Bluelady · 13/02/2018 16:46

Definitely make a report in writing to the appropriate director. And then let Dave look after him and fuck it up.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/02/2018 16:46

I'd warn him once that any more sexist comments will mean his contract won't be upheld. You're fully qualified and he can either work with you or take his business elsewhere.

a. it doesn't sound like the OP has the authority to sack off major contracts on a whim

b. he hasn't actually said anything directly sexist has he? I mean the OP suspects and we know he's a sexist little prick, because we've all met them. But it is highly unlikely that he's said anything that would stick. And I doubt the company bosses would thank the OP for making a stand based on one oblique phone call that could cost the company a lot of money. Sadly this kind of idiot aren't stupid enough to actually say "I won't work with you because you're a woman". They always give themselves plenty of wriggle room

000bourneFarm · 13/02/2018 16:48

Get your boss to talk higher up in Bigco plc.

There is a reason you have the job and it is nothing to do with your vagina.

LostInShoebiz · 13/02/2018 16:49

This happens to me every week despite being in a massively female dominated field. If you reported it to someone higher up than him, would anything actually happen? Sad but true, you might be better just forgetting it and moving on.

DGRossetti · 13/02/2018 16:53

Unfortunately no proper HR, we are only small and the Directors tend to deal with most things themselves

If they don't, it's worth googling "constructive dismissal" ....

SaskaTchewan · 13/02/2018 16:56

You are in a small company, so I hope you don't expect too much. There's only so many clients a small company can afford to lose.

I have agreed with requirement from clients because we have bills to pay. I wouldn't go as far as tolerating a pedophile, we all have limits and I sleep at night. I don't agree with everything, but I am not a crusader willing to lose everything - again, within reasons.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 13/02/2018 17:02

So when he rears his ugly head next time and mutters about preferring Dave, just ask him "why?" and make him justify himself.

Original poster
snash12 · 13/02/2018 17:04

@MoistCantalope - good advice! Somedays I do feel like I am fucking awesome!!!

OP posts: