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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Upset / angry about new Client at work

50 replies

snash12 · 13/02/2018 15:47

I work in a small company, 12 people in total. We all work in the same industry (construction) but do different elements each. So we specialise in certain things and if I have a customer who needs help with something I'm not great on, I refer them to a colleague.

A colleague referred a guy to me from a UK wide brand as he needed assistance with something I specialise in.

As soon as he realised I am female (my first name could be both female and male and we had only had email correspondence up until speaking on the phone) he started grilling me on my qualifications, experience, how much have I done of this this type of work and that type of work. I know for a fact I have over 5 years more experience is some areas than my male colleagues. He was really off and cold on the phone and almost disbelief that a woman could be doing my role.

Anyway, at the of the call he said "well, sorry but I'd much rather have Dave (name changed here!). I had to explain that Dave doesn't do this type of work and perhaps we could work together with Dave as second contact. He said he'd think about it.

If it wasn't in a work environment I would have questioned his decision but it was obvious it was because I have a vagina.

I feel really angry and a bit upset because so many of my other customers have always been positive about having a female in my role.

WIBU to tell my bosses? Initially I got so mad I googled the name of the CEO of the company he works for because as I said earlier it is a MASSIVE UK company. I wanted to write them a note to say this guy is a nasty sexist.

I thought this crap was fizzling out.

OP posts:

BrownEyedGirlv2point0 · 13/02/2018 17:05

I've had this happen to me many times. I am a female engineer. When I get calls from clients they ask me if they can speak to an engineer. I tell them I am an engineer and they just seem so shocked. I feel so tempted to just say "look, if you want to speak to a man, you can but none of them here are engineers so your choice". I too also have a name that many people think is a man's name.

I don't have any advice for you. I usually just try to let it go and get on with my day. It isn't my problem they are sexist and if their sexism leads them to get advice from non qualified people then that's their problem.

Snowonsnow · 13/02/2018 17:08

My dsis works in this area and it is something she comes up against from time to time, usually doing a good job is enough for them to calm down but it sucks.

Fairenuff · 13/02/2018 17:12

"oh yeah, he's a bit like that"

That's not good enough. If the man was racist instead of sexist and treated someone badly because of it would your boss still say 'oh yeah, he's a bit like that'?

It's not acceptable. You need to go back to your boss and tell him that it's not acceptable. In fact, you should email it to your boss so that it's in writing and his response will be in writing too.

therealposieparker · 13/02/2018 17:16

Next time he says something sexist remind him that your brain is doing the work and your vagina doesn't get in the way.

MichaelBendfaster · 13/02/2018 17:17

So when he rears his ugly head next time and mutters about preferring Dave, just ask him "why?" and make him justify himself.

Good suggestion.

ScienceIsTruth · 13/02/2018 17:19

That's awful. I would try saying something official to one of the bosses, so that they know you're not happy. FWIW, not everyone will ignore it, my oh works in a male dominated field where they deal with lots of construction workers, etc, and he has a female in his team who experiences such issues now and then. If he's been with her he has called ppl out on their sexist behaviour and has always backed her up. He was telling me the other day how much harder she feels she has to work to prove herself to these idiots.

Viviennemary · 13/02/2018 17:20

Surely a client has the right to choose to deal with whoever they judge to be the best person. And if there judgment is wrong then they'll suffer. Why make a song and dance about it. Just say fine and pass him on to the person he wants to deal with. I really can't see a big problem here at all.

Snowonsnow · 13/02/2018 17:23

Surely not if it is on the basis of a protected characteristic vivien? Would you okay with them not working with someone because they were black or disabled? Nothing to do with their work quality just the way they present.

rwalker · 13/02/2018 17:24

Shit situation but request a meeting with him be blunt ask him if it's because your a women. Your company can certainly complain about it to his higher up's .Depends if they want to loose major customer over it chances are he will deny it and take business else where.

Viviennemary · 13/02/2018 17:37

But the point is that the client hasn't said I don't want to work with x because she's female. It's only what OP thinks. I think the best solution is to say well I'm actually the person more qualified and experienced in that field that Dave. But you're the customer. That's what I'd do.

MichaelBendfaster · 13/02/2018 17:41

be blunt ask him if it's because your a women

NO! He can deny that. If/when he says again that he'd prefer Dave, ASK why. Don't put words in his mouth.

ShiftyMcGifty · 13/02/2018 17:43

“So when he rears his ugly head next time and mutters about preferring Dave, just ask him "why?" and make him justify himself.”

He’s a client.

He doesn’t need to justify why he prefers to work with Dave. And if he does, he can simply say “I get on better with Dave.”

Cause you know, he can take his business elsewhere and I very much doubt your directors want him to exercise that option.

Wornoutbear · 13/02/2018 17:49

If Dave doesn't do the sort of work you deal with then let this guy deal with Dave, and Dave can sink or swim with it - clients choice. Either he gets someone he knows is capable, or gets - well - Dave

Viviennemary · 13/02/2018 17:55

But don't let Dave come running to you for advice. Be too busy.

GatoradeMeBitch · 13/02/2018 17:55

It's a small company. If there are too many clients who get squeamish at the thought of working with a woman, it might impact on her career. of course that's a problem. And a big problem. A skilled and experienced woman is not seen as being as good as a penis basically. Unfortunately, she may have to accept that trying to educate idiots is part of her job.

GatoradeMeBitch · 13/02/2018 18:01

The problem with having Dave as second contact if he doesn't have experience in your area of specialty is that Dave could end up taking the credit? He calls Dave, Dave calls you, you help Dave, Dave helps him. Dave is awesome! Dave surely must be considered for next promotion. Is that a risk?

Original poster

snash12 · 13/02/2018 18:45

I spoke to Dave - he said the bloke is a bit of a “dick head” and also very bad at paying invoices. He promises work and gets “free advice” occasionally but it never amounts to anything. He likes to be taken to lunch and to go drinking.

I said he would prefer to work with you, Dave. Dave said leave it, he’s not worth and we won’t lose any sleep if he doesn’t come back to us.

OP posts:

GatoradeMeBitch · 13/02/2018 18:51

Sounds like he's no great loss then!

invisibleoldwoman · 13/02/2018 18:57

I've had this. Watch yourself as if he has to deal with you he will do everything possible to make it look as if you are incompetent. Everything must be confirmed in writing/recorded, copied in to someone else etc.

Definitely make the colleague who referred him aware.

Do not give him any trust or the benefit of the doubt for a second.

Would your boss be supportive if you refused to work with him?

So sad to think things haven't progressed much in the last 40 years.

invisibleoldwoman · 13/02/2018 19:01

Sorry, thread had moved on and I didn't see your latest update before I posted.

Original poster

snash12 · 13/02/2018 19:04

@scienceistruth

I constantly feel I have to work harder to prove myself but I don’t mind that, I’ve learnt more and a lot of my customers appreciate what I do for them.

My DP was just asking how old this guy was, I don’t know exactly but would guess late 50’s from his voice and what colleagues have said. DP said well at least in 10 or so years time a lot of prejudice sexists like him will be retired and out of the workplace. Doesn’t make it right but I guess his views could be seen as “old fashioned” and he will eventually no longer have a voice in industry.

OP posts:

RockNRollNerd · 13/02/2018 19:18

This kind of thing really sucks. I used to manage a team of guys in an IT related field. Clients would ring and whoever was in had to answer the phone - I lost count of the number of times it was assumed I was their PA and had one chap actually refuse to believe Andy worked for me and I could deal with the issue if it was urgent.

I read this when it first went viral, it's very telling about a lot of attitudes that still exist unfortunately.

ShiftyMcGifty · 13/02/2018 20:04

In the construction industry.

Um, ok. I’ve seen assholes in their 20s behave worse so good luck with that.

Original poster

snash12 · 13/02/2018 22:28

@shiftymcgifty

Thanks for your input. Where do you think the 20 year olds learn it from?

OP posts:

ShiftyMcGifty · 14/02/2018 14:40

Snash what’s your point? That adults in their 20s are children and the 40 year olds are responsible to modelling behaviour to them and teaching them?!

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