constantly unhappy toddler

[goingunder5555]

hi don't really know why im posting guess I just need to vent single mum to a toddler who's nearly 2. I love her to bits but recently life is becoming impossible I know children are demanding but it's constant all day every day she whines & screams if
things are not exactly the way she wants ,but even when things are going her way she still whines nothing works giving in ,saying no ..nothing I don't get 1 min to myself ever she won't play on her own and if she sees me sitting for a coffee she pulls me up and crys till I stand up and go and play . she wants constant attention even if she's at soft play with her friends I have to sit with her basically lift her around the play center she won't go down slides or climb herself . she's got no developmental delay without sounding braggy quite advanced can have a full conversation with her excellent cordination . she seems so unhappy all the time I just don't know what to do and I am really struggling to cope I basically live every day doing exactly as my toddler says I am not in control she is. so what do I do ? .

Sounds like a normal 2 to I'm afraid.

Lifting her round the play centre etc isn't doing her physical development any favours! Maybe I've been lucky but my three have all been quite independent from the beginning; I never help them on climbing apparatus etc because they won't learn themselves how to climb up/down safely etc. They know that if they can't do it themselves, they can't do it at all.

That said, two year olds can be whingy. I can't bear it! I think maybe you could try being a bit firmer with her; "go and play nicely or we'll go home!"

Oh and "mummy is having a sit down and a cup of coffee. Please go and play for five minutes". Don't let her rule the roost!

Tell her it's time to go home if she can't play unsupervised then.

I just re read your op and I think you should ignore her pulling you up and crying when you're sitting down for a few minutes. Children do need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.

This sounds exactly like my 2 year old. Bloody hard work!

Sounds like my DD was at that age, I was always the ----

yea i find it hard to be firm she's not been told off properly ever I don't raise my voice or shout . but it's got to the point she will not listen to anything I say e.g. when we are out wants to get out the buggy but will not hold hands has had various accidents tripping over . if she wants chocolate for breakfast she gets it she chooses what she eats generally quite healthy diet loves fruit and veg so i am lucky . she gets a new toy nearly every day & at soft play she is the only one of the group who gets a toy from the toy machine thingy I am trying to be a good mum , but I can't even sit down for one second it's getting me down :( I wouldn't mind if it made her happy but the more she gets the worse she's getting

Lifting her round the play centre etc isn't doing her physical development any favours

Agree with this^.

Is she getting enough sleep?

Is she getting enough fresh air?

They are demanding as toddlers - I remember it being hard work!

Does she go to nursery at all?

Give her short blasts of attention maybe, where she has undivided attention if possible, but explain that you have jobs to do afterwards, then "If you play nicely for (however long), we'll read a story/play duplo, whatever."

Only you know whether or not she's getting enough attention for her age, but she might be getting frustrated by feeling as though she's constantly being brushed off, just as you're getting frustrated at being clung to and bossed around. It's a vicious circle sometimes.

I empathise though, I remember being desperate for them to just give me 10 minutes to enjoy a cup of tea. I remember sitting on the loo once and sobbing because I couldn't even have a minute to have a wee without someone hanging off me .

It does pass though, even though it feels like it never will when you're in the think of it.

The biscuit is to dunk in the tea, obviously, not the usual mn meh, no comment type of biscuit!

Oh bless you. Please stop letting her call all the shots! It sounds like you're doing your best by her and giving her everything she wants etc, but this really, really won't help her in the long run. She'll get a shock when she starts school or preschool and realised that she can't always have everything she wants. Do you have a nice health visitor? Mine helped me when I asked and she was lovely and not judgemental at all.

You need to say no or this behaviour will carry on when she's older and it'll be even worse then. If she throws a tantrum, put her in her bed. If she falls over cause she won't hold your hand. Then she'll learn an important lesson.

At the soft play I go ahead of my dd and make her come to me. She's good at doing it by herself now.

house is a mess as I am not allowed to do any housework even the washing up turns into a throwing herself at my feet running into walls and seriously hurting herself tantrum so I just leave it . idk maybe I am being harsh maybe it's normal but I know I personally am struggling to cope and have on more than one occasion used alcohol to help me through the day so something needs to change .

Little children need the security of boundaries and knowing their parent is in charge. They like to know what is coming next.
Giving too many choices and too much decision making to a 2 year old makes them anxious.
Maybe this is the issue here?

One who pressed the send button too soon total mug who would accompany DD round soft play to prevent her (and her friends), getting squashed by older tots, flattened in the ball pool or falling down the inexplicable hole on one of the soft play levels. I was the parent who had to hover or be involved in everything while my smug fucker friends sat chilling with their meals and lovely gift cuuuujps of tea. DD was mega clingy until she hit 3 (nursery 2 mornings a week helped detach her to an extent) when she just started merrily playing on her own. She is now the only one of her friends who will clear off at soft play without returning to whine and plays with her toys independently for hours at a time which is bliss (and a tiny bit smug making). Your time will come OP until then for tolerance of whinging which is also much worse than crying. It is beyond knackering parenting a well attached clingy as fuck child.

I've been known to physically wrestle a screaming toddler into the pushchair if they've refused to hold hands. It's "pushchair or hold hands" and no negotiation. It's for her safety and she needs to start to learn that you're keeping her safe by insisting she hold hands.

Doesn't sound like your really parenting tbh. Sounds like you just let her do whAt she wants.

You are doing her no favours by letting her have chocolate for breakfast and a new toy every day I am quite lenient with my DS (same age) at weekends because I work full time and he goes to nursery all week so I like to treat him a bit at the weekend.

During the week when we have to get to work and nursery he plays up sometimes like a normal toddler but I take no crap from him because I can’t, we’d be late otherwise. Fussy eating is ignored and he doesn’t get anything else instead. You have to be firm - children need boundaries.

no nursery as yet .we don't spend even a day apart probably part of the problem ! we used to go out lots she did lots of classes and fun stuff but I like I said I can't even pack a bag without an accident happening so getting ready To go anywhere is a huge struggle .

Can you turn laundry etc into a game? Mine loves 'helping' fill the washing machine, sweep up etc. Or buy chap is and let DD draw on the kitchen floor while you get on with things? Break down meal prep into stages and do a little at a time? Put on some music she likes and encourage her to sing/dance around while you work? If all else fails invest in a Gorilla Gym got my eye on one for Mothersday

Little children need the security of boundaries and knowing their parent is in charge. They like to know what is coming next.
Giving too many choices and too much decision making to a 2 year old makes them anxious.
Maybe this is the issue here?

This is a good point.

have to go play now if I don't come back to thread for a while ...lol .thanks for the responses so far !

Are you entitled to any 2 year funding for nursery, as you're a single mum?

Depending on where your washer and dryer is, give her some white board markers and let her draw on the fridge whilst you clean up, or get her to help, works a treat with DS even if it's just a damp cloth

Sorry but you are completly spoiling her! Get firm, have boundaries and stop letting a 2 yr old rule. Raising your voice and firmly saying no is not child abuse. She needs to learn consequences so when she starts whinging at soft play you go home, no ifs no buts no way! You could offer incentives for when you want to sit down for a drink, go play for 5, 10 mins while I have my drink then I'll come and play. It's all out war at this stage, but if you give in every single time you'll have a spoiled brat!

Let her draw on the fridge?!