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AIBU?

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Original poster

In laws going through drawers

26 replies

DucksOnThePond · 10/02/2018 20:52

So we have been in a new house for a few days. Surprised the in laws - not just parents - gave us this much time to settle in given they arrived within an hour of returning home with DS - but they came over today en mass. Two hours and every drawer was opened in every room and a few comments were made all round about how they will use certain rooms when they are next over. They know I like my space so just announcing ‘I will do this’ seems to me a bit crass. However, i know I am pretty sensitive. Is it with cause or do I need to just get a grip?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 10/02/2018 20:53

They're rude.

Suggest they only come over when invited.

Jdabbers · 10/02/2018 21:00

How rude.

I really don't understand this behaviour in some people.

I caught my MIL doing the same, she didn't see watching her. I waited until dinner and told her when she pays the mortgage here she can look through what've she likes but until then have manners and respect.

My DP said nothing (he's scared of her!) however his step dad agreed with me and promptly told her she was rude and should remember where she is and who she is dealing with!! My DP ex was a walk over and she took advantage of that!

gamerchick · 10/02/2018 21:04

It’s really weird that some parents see their adult offsprings home as an extension of theirs. Tell them to knock it off.

Fluffyears · 10/02/2018 21:13

Ha mil cane round and was telling dp ‘oh I wouldn’t do x’ well you don’t live hereanzi an doubg exactly x.

Tistheseason17 · 10/02/2018 21:29

Don't give them spare keys.

TheQueenOfWands · 10/02/2018 21:31

Mouse traps.

You need mouse traps.

Invite them over, pop out for milk and then return to some very amusing carnage.

kaytee87 · 10/02/2018 21:33

Both my mum & mil move stuff about in my house, drives me up the wall. At least I can tell my mum off even if she ignores me

Original poster
DucksOnThePond · 10/02/2018 22:16

Thanks. Thought I was maybe being a bit sensitive as all behaviour of this kind is shrugged off with ‘we are family’. BIL lives close by but only hosts if absolutely pushed and this is an upgrade on all that sides properties and I have never seen such excitement

OP posts:
wolfsaregreat · 10/02/2018 23:08

YANBU, it's so rude! When we moved in MIL jumped onto our brand new sofa and just laughed it off, she's not a petite lady either and we winced when we heard a crunch Hmm then proceeded to tell me that we should separate the sofa into two because it doesn't look right... umm it's a corner sofa dick head.
After many incidents, invitations are minimal these days Grin

HateTheDF · 10/02/2018 23:24

Very rude. I had it once when I had my uncle over. I asked him not to go through all my drawers, he said he needed to go to the toilet and I caught him going through my bedroom drawers!

YANBU

fuzzywuzzy · 10/02/2018 23:29

‘How they will use certain rooms’ did I read that right?

I’d not issue any invites and pretend to be out whenever they come by.

Bloody hell.

I expect family to be excited and wanting a tour of the new house, but you do not go thro people’s cupboards and drawers and you most certainly do not make plans together how you’re going to use someone else’s property!

How does your dp react to this?

Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2018 23:32

I would lose my fucking mind if ANYONE went through my drawers. It is totally unacceptable and the height of rudeness. You need to stand up for yourself and demand your privacy. And whatever you do, DO NOT give these people keys to your home.

NotAnotherEmma · 10/02/2018 23:34

You should have moved further away. Grin

GloriousGoosebumps · 11/02/2018 08:13

What exactly did they mean when they talked about how they would use certain rooms when they are next over? How many ways can you use a room?

You need to toughen up and make it clear where the boundaries are! Grin Grin Grin

whoareyoukidding · 11/02/2018 08:18

YANBU at all. I cannot bear my personal privacy being invaded. Whyever did they think it was ok? You have every right to be absolutely furious.

JustHappy3 · 11/02/2018 08:22

I'd hate it too - but were they just being excited for you and praising your rooms/house for their space and versatility? Was it more "ooh look you could move that and do a big xmas dinner in here" or "when i come i will move your sofas"

SporadicSpartacus · 11/02/2018 08:27

Nope nope nope!

Seconding the mouse traps in drawers.

52FestiveRoad · 11/02/2018 08:29

Did you say anything when they mentioned how they were going to use certain rooms? I would not have been able to stay quiet. I now have a vision of them saying something like 'I want to use your dining room as a dance studio so can you move the table out of the way and install a sprung floor' Personally I would not encourage them to visit at all given their behaviour!

parrotonmyshoulder · 11/02/2018 08:29

Mine came over two days after we’d moced in, made a video tour of the whole house and put it on Facebook! That was despite knowing my general aversions to Facebook, to showing off and to being a twat.
I hadn’t expected such depths of rudeness, but can’t say it was out of character. I haven’t actually forgiven them and our relationship since has been merely dutiful.

WunWegWunDarWun · 11/02/2018 08:31

What kind of thing are the planning to do in your rooms?!

Fairylea · 11/02/2018 08:32

How rude! I wouldn’t be inviting them over again to be honest.

sandgrown · 11/02/2018 08:34

My MIL has form for nosying through drawers. My SIL put notes in her drawers saying "f##k off mother" . It soon stopped Grin

Original poster
DucksOnThePond · 11/02/2018 10:33

Hoping not to be a twat by saying this but there are a few reception rooms so a comment like ‘ah well in here I will ....’ and then ‘I can do that anyway’ to something else. I am sure it sounds petty but given the vigilance i feel with them it’s just annoying. DP generally accepts it’s rude. I have said they are not getting access and he has agreed.

OP posts:
rothbury · 11/02/2018 10:41

I don't understand what is going on here really, sorry.

If anyone came into my home and started opening drawers I would say "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" If they persisted I would tell them to leave.

YANBU at all in feeling this way, it's like they don't feel you are entitled to have any boundaries. I can't imagine why you aren't living far far away from them.

Don't answer the door if they come around uninvited, and never invite them. If DH invites them, either stand up to them, or if you really can't do that then go out so at least you don't have to see and hear it!

Takeoutyourhen · 11/02/2018 10:42

It is rude and disrespectful. Perhaps they are overexcited though?
My family have a "family colour palette". Should you find yourself choosing a different colour then prepare yourself for the morning!
"Oh I can't stay in this room for long!" And if there isn't any moaning, the variety of disapproving facial expressions/contortions!

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