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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be worried about a 7 year gap between siblings?

45 replies

twinklz · 10/02/2018 11:52

Hi all,

I’m really struggling to decide whether to have another child. My only is nearly 6 and I’ve always wanted 2 children. I feel so guilty that I have left it so long. I’m worried 7 years is too big a gap now as i always wanted them to be playmates and feel as though they might BOTH then feel like an ‘only child’ due to the age gap. Also I am 38, Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Mabelface · 10/02/2018 11:55

6 years between my eldest and my triplets. It's a great age gap. My son was at school and old enough to understand when my hands were full. He loved helping, especially having a go of feeding babies.

Worldsworstcook · 10/02/2018 11:56

Not at all. There's 10 yrs between my two boys and they adore each other. And there's 7 yrs between Dd and youngest DS and she will quite literally maim or kill anyone who who's nasty to him - ASD

MajesticWhine · 10/02/2018 11:56

I have an 8 year age gap between DD2 and DD3. DD3 is a bit more like an only to be honest. She doesn’t share that many interests with her older sisters, although she loves having big sisters. And older ones are quite helpful with youngest, on occasion. It is hard to find family outings or holidays that suit everyone. However you never would regret having another child, I’m sure.

hidinginthenightgarden · 10/02/2018 11:58

I have a sister 2 years older and one 6 years younger. Much closer to the youngest!

Lennythelion14 · 10/02/2018 12:01

No. Its a good age gap. Eldest one old enough to amuse themselves while you feed etc, but also old enough to help look after baby. Should be less jealousy too, as older one you can talk to and should understand that baby can't take care of themselves etc.Also a plus is the fact eldest one will be at school most days, leaving time for baby during the day and time for them in an evening.

running3 · 10/02/2018 12:03

My brothers are 7 and 9 years older than me. We've always been close and got along. It felt a little lonely when they'd both left home and I was still fairly young, but I really don't think that's a reason not to do it! I love them to pieces! The two of them are possibly closer but that may be due to both being male and having a strong shared interest more than the age difference.

Queuejumper · 10/02/2018 12:04

We have 3, and there is 7.5 yrs between oldest and youngest. They adore each other. Obviously this will change as they get older and their needs change.

Lalalaleah · 10/02/2018 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

twinklz · 10/02/2018 12:07

Thank you so much for your replies everyone. Also wanted to say that I also worry about our age, as I would be 39 and OH 42 if we decide to have one.

OP posts:

Rumblemumble · 10/02/2018 12:08

I think it depends completely on personalities. There’s 6.5 years between me and my sibling and we are very close, speak every day and see each other at least once a fortnight. Same age gap between my DH and his sibling and they see each other once a year at xmas at their parents and that’s about it.

EfficiencyDeficiency · 10/02/2018 12:11

I have an 8 year gap between my dc.

Dd is 7 next week and ds is 15 in a couple of weeks.

The only negative that we've experienced really is finding things to do that suit them both but it's actually getting easier as dd is getting older.

Me and my brother have 18 months between us, 8 years later my mum had my other brother.
As adults now aged 31/38/40 it's barely noticeable.

Go for it :)

MaryShelley1818 · 10/02/2018 12:16

My DP’s sister is 19yrs younger than him and they’re really close (I’m nc with my sister with only a 3yr gap)
Also DP is 41 and I’m 39 and sat feeding our 9wk old pfb x

Pandsbear · 10/02/2018 12:17

I have 7 years between me and my youngest brother, I left home to go to university when he started secondary school. I think it is a big gap to the children but it won’t matter to you as parents!
I do get on with him but we don’t live near each other and would say as adults we aren’t close at all. Depends on the personality.

Original poster

twinklz · 10/02/2018 17:51

Thanks again everyone

OP posts:

Whisky2014 · 10/02/2018 17:53

My fiance and his sister have a 7 year gap between them. They dont keep in touch. Only speak at Xmas. I find it so sad. Me and my bro are close in age and talk every week and see each other all the time.

HateTheDF · 10/02/2018 17:55

My DB and I have 6 1/2 years between us and two siblings in between. My youngest brother and I were a lot closer than either of us were with the other two, I turned into a kind of second Mum figure to him.

happymummy12345 · 10/02/2018 18:03

My mum had 3 children each born 10 years apart. There's 10 years between myself and my brother, 20 years between myself and my sister, and obviously 10 years between my brother and sister.
The big gap meant I was able to get much more involved and help. I loved it.

divadee · 10/02/2018 18:30

I have 19 years between my two.

It's hard work but I wouldn't change it. The youngest was a surprise when I thought it was menopause. The best surprise I have ever had.

Cattenberg · 10/02/2018 18:45

My sister is nearly eight years younger than me. I'd always wanted a sibling, so I was very happy when she arrived. I suppose we did have less in common as kids, but we did still play together. My Dad always thought that the age gap would mean that we'd compete less, and maybe he was right. Also, the gap is far less relevant now that we've grown up.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 10/02/2018 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MessyBun247 · 10/02/2018 19:10

There is exactly 10.5years between my DDs and they a lovely relationship. I’m closer in age to my 3 siblings and none of us are close. It depends on personalities more than anything. Go for it

TheVanguardSix · 10/02/2018 19:15

I had DC2 at 38. DC1 was 8.
DC1 has been the most lovely, incredible, fun-loving big brother. He's awesome.
He's 16 in a couple of weeks and DC2 is coming up on 8 here in April.

It's not the age gap that causes friction or distance. It's the character. DC1 is just a great guy (tooting my horn, I know, but he is). If he were 18 months older or 18 years older, he'd still be great because he's him. He really, really wanted siblings, so that helped!

My brother is 10 years older than me. I absolutely adored him to bits as a kid. I think humor helps. Both my DC1 and my own big brother are really, really funny, silly, hilarious people (not 24/7!). Humour is such an awesome characteristic and it's easy to love being with both of them. I am 45. My big bro is 55 next week. We're thick as thieves.

Neolara · 10/02/2018 19:18

Six years between me and db2. Love him to bits. We've always got on well.

penny4321boom · 10/02/2018 19:18

I have 7 year and 2 months between my 2 and I am glad I waited. Both are boys and my oldest dotes on the baby who is 9 months. I am 37 and found the pregnancies very different but was so much easier with my older one being more independent and understanding when I wasn't feeling great. I am loving it (well not when he is teething lol), I have so much more confidence this time round and love the time I am able to give to both boys and the relationship that is blossoming between them.

SpottyBrolly · 10/02/2018 19:18

I'll have just shy of a 6 year age gap when our surprise lo arrives. I'm 42 turning 43 in the next few months.

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