Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be worried about a 7 year gap between siblings?

45 replies

twinklz · 10/02/2018 11:52

Hi all,

I’m really struggling to decide whether to have another child. My only is nearly 6 and I’ve always wanted 2 children. I feel so guilty that I have left it so long. I’m worried 7 years is too big a gap now as i always wanted them to be playmates and feel as though they might BOTH then feel like an ‘only child’ due to the age gap. Also I am 38, Any thoughts?

OP posts:
muffmuff · 10/02/2018 19:18

My ds is 10 years older than his baby brother they adore each other

monkeymamma · 10/02/2018 19:22

Another here with a sister 8 years older (and another 14 years older!). Love them both to absolute bits. Dsis2 and I have had babies at same time which has brought us even closer. We weren’t playmates as children but also not rivals - they’ve always been very caring and loving which had really shaped me I think. Go for it OP!!

Absolutelynothing · 10/02/2018 19:23

I have big age gaps.... ds1 is 28, ds2 is 26, dd is 11 and ds3 is 6.

The gap between the youngest two is 5.5 years and worked really well. Dd was in school, so I'd bung some clothes on to do school run and then I had all day to have a shower (or not) and sit on the sofa bf'ing ds3. She was old enpugh to fetch wipes, bounce him in his chair, things like that. She really is like a mini mum at times! She also adores him and is mega protective of him, god help anyone that upsets him!

I was 41 when I had him, and it was harder than when I was 18..... but I was more confident in myself and what I was doing.

xkatie27x · 10/02/2018 19:24

I’ve got an 11 year gap between my sister and I and we’re best friends! I’m probably a little more maternal than I would be with a smaller gap though!

Klarabing · 10/02/2018 19:29

I have a 7 year gap between my 2. It was great when they were younger as my dd was delighted to get a sibling so no jealousy and she wanted to help lots. Now its great she can entertain him help with homework and prepare snacks for him and the added bonus is they still fight and argue as much as me and my sister did with a 3 year age gap x

MatildaTheCat · 10/02/2018 19:34

My dB was an afterthought baby leaving an almost 8 year gap between me, the youngest until then and he. We had very little to do with one another as dc to be honest but are very close now.

Try not to treat the youngest as a perpetual baby though.

motherstongue · 10/02/2018 19:37

6 years between my DS and DD. As others have stated, the elder child was at school (giving good one on one time for me with the baby) and he never felt he had to compete for attention as he was able to understand the babies needs were different to his.

When the wee one was a toddler it was more problematic trying to find activities that both were interested in. Ditto holidays. But my DH and I just took turns doing activities with both and we tried hard to do a family thing once a month where everyone was involved.

DS now 19 and DD is 13. They adore each other. They have a brilliant relationship. i hope it continues into adulthood. They have very different personalities but they have a lot of shared interests. When my DD has a problem she is just as likely to phone or text her brother as either me or her father. She snapchats him all the time. She thinks all of his friends are her friends and treats them all like extra brothers/mentors/tutors and they ALL indulge her. I am a little envious as I never had that kind of relationship with my DB whilst growing up and wish I had.

I was 36 when I had my DD and my DH was 40. If that is relevant!

I would say go for it, best thing I ever did!

catsarenice · 10/02/2018 19:52

9 years between my two. Had dc1 at 28 and DC2 at 37. It's a great age gap in terms of getting help - can get on with dinner/go to the toilet etc as dc1 can watch DC2. Also dc1 was able to get own food whilst I was permanently attached to cluster feeding DC2!! I do worry that they won't be close when they're older and I'm sure keeping them both amused when they're a bit older will be tricky too. However, I really really don't think I could've coped with a small age gap. Go for it!!!!

LyannaStarktheWolfMaid · 10/02/2018 19:56

There’s almost exactly 7 years between my two. It’s an absolutely brilliant age gap. My son is really caring and nurturing towards his sister and she absolutely adores her big brother. They are really close and make a very self sufficient little unit. I have lots of friends with children close in age and honestly consider myself quite fortunate.

ovenchips · 10/02/2018 20:41

Well you can't go backwards in time to shorten any age gap! So that is what it is and will only get bigger.

Your choices are whether to try for another child or stick with one. The age gap is a red herring I feel!

PurpleRobe · 10/02/2018 20:44

Why do you want another one? What's wrong with the one you've got Confused

headintheproverbial · 10/02/2018 20:49

There's a lot more to being an only than not having a playmate st home. Your children would still have shared memories and backgrounds and have each other in their older years.

EfficiencyDeficiency · 10/02/2018 21:09

Purple- what a stupid bloody comment Confused

Talkingfrog · 10/02/2018 21:10

My nearly 7 Yr old would love a sibling and has asked for one several times . I am sure she would make a lovely older sister too. Hard to explain to that age that you would love her to have a sibling too, but are not able to. If it is what you want, I wouldn't worry about the gap.

Original poster
twinklz · 10/02/2018 21:28

Ovenchips- why do you say red herring?

OP posts:
ovenchips · 10/02/2018 23:04

I just mean that the agonising about a 7+ year age gap and its disadvantages is the wrong thing to be considering IMVHO as you can do nothing about the length of the gap and certainly can't shorten it. There's no time travel! Your situation is as it is.

So it's pointless worrying about a gap being 'too big' (though there are pros and cons to every single age gap). Your only choice is whether you want to have another child or not - the age gap and your ages (as possible parents to a second child) are inalterable facts. They are your starting point but neither fact needs to be your end decision point.

If you want to have another child there is nothing to stop you. If you don't, that's just as valid. Good luck!

Original poster
twinklz · 11/02/2018 07:46

I see. Thankyou

OP posts:
BellsaRinging · 11/02/2018 07:50

Six years between mine and they adore each other!

BookWitch · 11/02/2018 07:51

I have almost exactly 7 years between my oldest and youngest. (With one in the middle)

While they weren't playmates when younger as such, they have the closest bond now they are 16 and 23, dd1 is like a second mother and dd3 can share things with her sister she can't share with me and dd1 can offer advice that dd3 will actually listen to.

crispsahoy · 11/02/2018 08:03

8 years between my boys, they're 10 & 2 now and best mates.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page