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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are you still a sahm if...

72 replies

Dancingfairy · 06/02/2018 19:35

Just looking for opinions. Are you a sahm if you are a single mother with young children but on benefits?( so the key point having no partner who is earning the money for you to stay at home) Or are you just a mother thats unemployed?? (To do with a comment my sister made)

OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 06/02/2018 19:39

Crikey this forum is “ going hard” on the whole SAHM debate at the moment. I don’t know the answer, I don’t think anyone knows the answer.

BakerBear · 06/02/2018 19:41

Your both really

JugglingMummyof2 · 06/02/2018 19:41

Are you a mum? Are you staying home to look after your children? If you answer yes to both then you are a SAHM.

TroubledTribble · 06/02/2018 19:41

Good question Op, I'm wondering what the difference is.

egginacup · 06/02/2018 19:41

I would say if you are a parent who stays at home to look after the children then yes you are a SAHP, regardless of whether you are on benefits or married to a millionaire.

zzzzz · 06/02/2018 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wowbutter · 06/02/2018 19:42

Of course you are a stay at home mum. You are a mum who does not work, and raises her children and stays at home in lieu of paid employment.
Hi you support your choice to stay at home is irrelevant in my opinion.

Cookandbook · 06/02/2018 19:42

You are a mum and you are at home looking after your kids so yes.
People end up as sah parents for all sorts of reasons, it's not necessarily their first choice.

BitchQueen90 · 06/02/2018 19:43

You're both. A SAHM with a partner that works is also technically unemployed, so is also both IMO.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 06/02/2018 19:44

Well yes because you’re staying at home! It’s in the name. It’s not called “supported by husband parent” it’s called stay at home parent.

Laiste · 06/02/2018 19:45

SAHM mother to me means someone who isn't working - usually i'd assume by choice.

The phrase is usually used when it's a choice rather than a temporary situation. IMO.

If they were stay at home at the mo because they hadn't a choice i would guess they'd say something to that effect.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/02/2018 19:46

"A SAHM with a partner that works is also technically unemployed"

Not according to the usual definition of unemployed. I think they'd be classed as inactive in an economic sense. Pensioners aren't unemployed either, nor are schoolchildren.

thUnderdog · 06/02/2018 19:48

I would say I was unemployed if I was looking for a job. If I was intentionally at home then SAHM. It has nothing to do with being single or not in my opinion.

Tamularoom · 06/02/2018 19:49

Yes of course thats a stay at home mum, if you are at home with your children as your "job" thats a SAHM. I think it becomes a bit of a grey area when DCs are older, hence why you can't get income support if your youngest is over age 5 because you could be expected to be searching for a job within school hours.

I am a single parent, I stay at home with my youngest as a nursery setting would be detrimental to his health (he has additional needs), I wouldn't ever refer to myself as an "unemployed mum" if someone ever asked me what I do.

JJPP123 · 06/02/2018 19:50

Of course you are. You're a mother who stays at home, I don't think family finances have anything to do with it.

Crunched · 06/02/2018 19:50

If you are claiming benefits, don't you have to be actively seeking work? So you are unemployed...
If you are a SAHP you are not seeking paid employment.
I feel I may have misunderstood this though looking at previous posts? Am I being a bit thick?

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 06/02/2018 19:52

If you are claiming benefits, don't you have to be actively seeking work?

No. The only benefit that requires you to be actively seeking work is job seekers allowance. The clues in the name.

BitchQueen90 · 06/02/2018 19:52

Pensioners are classed as retired and school children in full time education though.

For the record I've been both a SAHM with a working partner and a SAHM on benefits for a time when we split up.

BitchQueen90 · 06/02/2018 19:54

Crunched no. If you are on income support you are not required to actively seek work until your youngest child is 5. This is changing under UC though.

RaininSummer · 06/02/2018 19:56

Surely if you are looking for a job you are unemployed and if you are not and don't work and have children, then you are a SAHM.

WunWegWunDarWun · 06/02/2018 19:57

That depends how old your children are.

SparklyMagpie · 06/02/2018 19:57

You're a SAHP

As far as I'm concerned if you don't work and are at home with the children you are a SAHP

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 06/02/2018 19:58

@Gwenhwyfar
Neither pensioners nor schoolchildren are of working age.

PoorYorick · 06/02/2018 20:05

Does it matter?

Viviennemary · 06/02/2018 20:08

You are a person who doesn't work and relies on state benefits to support yourself and your family.