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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my DH not to come back to bed?

35 replies

SinceWhenDid · 06/02/2018 06:50

Dh and ds1 leave at the same time. First ds1's alarm goes off and wakes me up. Just drifting back to sleep when dh's alarm goes off.

He gets up, turns it off, checks ds1 is awake, goes to the loo. By this time I'm drifting back to sleep, knowing I have another 45 minutes of sleep...

Then he comes back to bed which wakes me up Angry And then he lies there until ds is almost ready. And I lie there fuming as I know that if I start drifting back to sleep I'll be disturbed again as soon as he gets up.

Surely he is the only person in the world who gets up when their alarm goes off and the goes back to bed! Hmm

OP posts:
ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 06/02/2018 06:54

Why shouldn't he go back to bed and get a bit of rest, and why can't you get up with ds1when the alarm goes off, if I was your husband I'd be fuming that you laid there every morning while I was the one that got up, for goodness sake if you want to have a rest be the one that gets up with your ds1 so that it will be you going back to bed not dh (so you won't have him climbing into bed waking you up)

Though I think it's cruel expecting him to get up, but not wanting him to get any rest while you lie there being entitled and complaining about him on hereHmm

LillyBugg · 06/02/2018 06:57

Hold on, surely this depends how old DS1 is? Very harsh reply without knowing why the DH is getting up?

babyccinoo · 06/02/2018 06:59

Elder if DH and DS leave at the same time, it makes sense for DH to get up, not OP.

OP, have you suggested to DH that he relax on the sofa whilst waiting for DS?

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 06/02/2018 07:00

Why doesn’t your OH just get up? How old is your DS? Do you both work?

Rainboho · 06/02/2018 07:02

At what times? 4am - maybe you’re reasonable. 6.30, not so much. 7am, get out of bed!

Lizzie48 · 06/02/2018 07:05

I believe it's his bed, too, isn't it? It's unreasonable to say he can't get back into it, I think. Hmm

WonderLime · 06/02/2018 07:09

Actually, I think you are right. If you are saying you have 45 mins extra in bed, and then him getting up again will wake you, presumably he’s only going back to bed for 10 - 20 mins. I think it’s unfair to keep waking someone up like that.

It is his bed too, but it’s still nice to be considerate of the other person sleeping in it.

WonderLime · 06/02/2018 07:12

Elder - get off your fucking high horse. For whatever reason the DH gets the DS up. It doesn’t make it entitled or cruel because clearly that’s what they do as a family.

Original poster
SinceWhenDid · 06/02/2018 07:19

Ds1 is 18 so really doesn't need anyone to get up with him! And it is only 10 minutes or so. His alarm goes off at 6 am so not ridiculously early.

Maybe I am a bit of a grumpy botch but until recently dh worked away for a few weeks at a time and when he was hone didn't need to get up. I would be up early everyday with all the kids getting them all ready for school and trying to disturb dh as little as possible.

We both work Monday to Friday but his working days are longer . Plus every Sunday I am out of the house by 7.30 with the younger kids for a whole day while he snoozes on.

I do feel like suggesting to him that if he has so much extra time in the morning perhaps he could give me a hand by walking the dogs so I have one less thing to do before I go to work...

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 06/02/2018 07:21

I guess my reaction is because my DH does this too and it doesn't bother me. But that's because DD2 has generally climbed in so I'm awake anyway (and mumsnetting while she watches children's TV. Grin) What time are we talking about, though, OP? That is the key question imo.

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 06/02/2018 07:24

Take turns? One of you gets up with DS and walks the dog, next day the other person does it?

Lizzie48 · 06/02/2018 07:25

Ok cross post. That is a bit early for his alarm to go off in that case, isn't it? He obviously doesn't need to wake up early. Your DS can get himself up without your DH checking that he's awake, surely?? Maybe he could set his alarm for 6:30? That would be my solution.

Original poster
SinceWhenDid · 06/02/2018 07:26

6am so really not that early Blush

I think I'm just grumpy about the whole thing as he then also crashes around the room getting his clothes. Or sometimes he does get his stuff ready the night before but not until I am already in bed and falling asleep and he comes in, turns the light on, rummaged about....

I do need more sleep than he does, a concept which I think he fails to grasp!

OP posts:
babyccinoo · 06/02/2018 07:27

It is selfish to wake you up just for 10 minutes.

And absolutely get him to walk the dog. Payback for the years of school runs you did whike he slept.

Broken11Girl · 06/02/2018 07:31

Your DS is 18?! He can get himself up and out. He won't have daddy to make sure he's up in a year's time when he's at uni or working.
I'd be annoyed with this. Get ip or don't, this getting out and bsck into bed every ten mins would annoy me too.

DancesWithOtters · 06/02/2018 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnoiaUnstickMyDrawers · 06/02/2018 07:36

No one needs to get up with DS - he's 18!!

Surely the answer is for DH to get up once, when he actually needs to?

WTFIsThisVirus · 06/02/2018 07:40

He shouldn't need to get up to check DS is awake, so he should set his alarm earlier.

At 18 I was holding down a full time job and no one helped me get up at 6am (sometimes 5!).

WTFIsThisVirus · 06/02/2018 07:41

*later not earlier!

saladdays66 · 06/02/2018 07:52

Well, if he has time to lie there for ages he should either set his alarm for later or get up and do something useful like take the dogs out.

Fairylea · 06/02/2018 07:59

The 18 year old needs to get himself up, and if he sleeps through his alarm well that’s a good lesson to learn isn’t it? I was a terrible oversleeper as a teen and regularly slept through my alarm (often till 2pm etc etc) I only really stopped doing it when I got in trouble at work because my mum stopped waking me up on work days.

Original poster
SinceWhenDid · 06/02/2018 08:01

Thank you for mostly agreeing with me Grin

Yes ds definitely doesn't need anyone to get him up. This is actually a recent addition to the morning routine as ds has only just started a job with an early start. Previously dh would get up and turn his alarm off and go back to bed.

I just find the whole concept of going back to bed when you've already managed to get up so strange. Getting up is hard enough so why make yourself do it twice?

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 06/02/2018 08:07

This would infuriate me - he's being selfish and thoughtless. Tell him to either set his alarm at the correct time or sleep elsewhere.

Scrumptiousbears · 06/02/2018 08:16

I have a similar thing. When I'm up first I make sure all my stuff is outside of the bedroom so my alarm goes off and I leave the room and get ready elsewhere. When DP does it his alarm goes off he gets a shower and comes back in with his phone light on looking for clothes. Does my nut in.

Idontdowindows · 06/02/2018 08:26

WIth all the info: yes, he's a bit thoughtless there. My man in the house is a very early waker. On those weird days that he feels he can snooze off again, he just snoozes on the sofa. And then comes back to bed 10-15 minutes before I get up to cuddle me awake.

Both of us make sure that our morning stuff is sorted if one or the other has to be up much earlier. Sleep is precious.

Although we did move our clothing out of our bedroom to avoid the "oh shit forgot my underpants" movements in the morning.

So I'd sit him down and agree a morning routine :)

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