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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely furious with my nurse?

46 replies

Chocolatesprinkledcrumpet · 23/01/2018 14:05

Ok, so my DH and I just started IVF after 3 years of TTC with zero success. After the starting blood test I received a phone call from my nurse that the test shows elevated progesterone, asked about my cycle (47 days, heavy, clotted bleeding) and told me that it was most likely an early MC. DH I have just spent an agonizing night, and checked into the hospital for beta test and a scan. The results show a minor cyst on my left ovary that is most likely the culprit for the elevated progesterone and an absolute zilch on beta. Now I don't know if I am relieved not to have had a MC or a sort of heaviness because, well it's back to square one. But I most definitely want to have that nurse's scalp for "most likely an MC" torture... I might be hormonal though...

OP posts:
JustVent · 23/01/2018 14:07

That’s a fucking awful thing for her to suggest off the cuff. That’s not Ok whatsoever.

Trinity66 · 23/01/2018 14:07

Well maybe that's what it usually is though :/

Original poster
Chocolatesprinkledcrumpet · 23/01/2018 14:09

I know, but I would really have appreciated a "can you come in tomorrow" followed with test-before-you-speak approach. I can't describe to you the state of both of us last night.

OP posts:
TinaMena · 23/01/2018 14:10

You'd rather she told you nothing and kept her thoughts to herself? If it was me I'd rather know what she was thinking

silvousplaitmerci · 23/01/2018 14:11

I don't think she's said it to upset you.

It's likely that, in her experience, it is an early miscarriage

Good luck with IVF Flowers

TinaMena · 23/01/2018 14:12

Trouble is, if she uses your preferred approach with me, I would be furious. You cannot have a one size fits all approach.

Original poster
Chocolatesprinkledcrumpet · 23/01/2018 14:12

I think I'd rather know or not know for certain. The whole rollercoaster I could have really done without.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 23/01/2018 14:13

Yes it seems rather thoughtless but otoh it's quite possible that it could have been. Maybe she would have been wiser to invite you in for further testing though first to see if it was a possibility.

Original poster
Chocolatesprinkledcrumpet · 23/01/2018 14:14

I could be overly hormonal though, too. My results WERE completely crazy...

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatesprinkledcrumpet · 23/01/2018 14:14

I could be overly hormonal though, too. My results WERE completely crazy...

OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 23/01/2018 14:14

She only told you the truth though?! Literally. She needed to prepare you?!

I wish you all the luck with your IVF and I appreciate this is a very stressful time but I'm sorry, you are being unreasonable about the nurse.

TinaMena · 23/01/2018 14:15

Perhaps she should have said 'it's probably a miscarriage, but we won't know for certain until we've done the relevant tests'?

Trinity66 · 23/01/2018 14:15

Best of luck with the IVF though, hope it works out for you

Anasnake · 23/01/2018 14:16

She was trying to prepare you because it did sound like that. She's just doing her job.

theDailyShow · 23/01/2018 14:17

I don't understand what you think she did wrong.

blueberryporridge · 23/01/2018 14:17

She probably shouldn't have said that and I am sorry you were upset. Maybe you should tell her how it affected you. However, as a "survivor" of 10 years + of ttc and five IVF cycles, I think, for your own sanity, that you should try to put this to one side as soon as you can. IVF is a horrible rollercoaster and during your cycle there are almost definitely going to be more lows for you and your DH to deal with, made even worse by all the hormonal upheaval you will be going through. Having a good relationship with the clinic staff will help you get through your cycle better. Bachs Rescue Remedy also helps ... Good luck!

ittakes2 · 23/01/2018 14:17

I’m sorry but I have had 4 IVFs (1 successful and 3 failed) - your progestérone drops to start your period and your progresterone increases when you are pregnant to stop your body shedding the lining of your womb. So I would have thought the nurse was just giving you a suggestion as to why your blood test was elevated. I’m sorry if you felt upset by it though. One of the hardest things about IVF is that each failed cycle is like a miscarriage. Unfortunately though, I suspect people in the IVF industry are so used to failed IVFs and miscarriages they might not register how they are telling someone what they think happened might upset them. Good luck with your cycle. I really recommend acpuncture on the day of implantation if you can - scientifically proven to increase chance of success.

Kitsharrington · 23/01/2018 14:19

But even if she had just said 'you'd better come in tomorrow for a scan' you'd have been worried and wondering all night. I'd rather know what she was thinking, as above poster said.

I mean this in the kindest way possible: IVF is going to be a bumpy ride even if everything goes to plan. You can't work yourself up into a state over every little comment - you'll wring yourself out emotionally.

Good luck.

Witchend · 23/01/2018 14:21

I know, but I would really have appreciated a "can you come in tomorrow" followed with test-before-you-speak approach. I can't describe to you the state of both of us last night.
I think you'd have a bad night with that too. Or I would have anyway. I'd rather know possible bad news straight away and I can deal with that. it's uncertainty I really find stressful.

juddyrockingcloggs · 23/01/2018 14:22

That's just awful Thanks

Fingers crossed for your IVF, look after and be kind to yourself.

When I was pregnant with my son after IVF I began bleeding at about 8 weeks and so we went to a&e, the doctor examined me and told us 'it's a miscarriage, we need you to come back to the EPU tomorrow to check that the miscarriage is happening properly. So had scan in EPU where our little boys heartbeat was beating merrily away and it was a bleed from my cervix. I could have strung that a&e doctor up from a telegraph pole. I think sometimes people say things in a way with no thought whatsoever and they'll not think anything of it whilst we let it stew in our minds forever.

Original poster
Chocolatesprinkledcrumpet · 23/01/2018 14:22

Ok, I accept I am being unreasonable. Thank you for all the good wishes. I suspect I'll have to be a bit more on top of my reactions in the future. I didn't actually go hunting after the nurse. I was just having an exhausted, emotional and hormonal moment. Thank you for listening.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 23/01/2018 14:24

Go easy on yourself OP. Flowers

Anasnake · 23/01/2018 14:26

And go easy on the staff who are just trying to do their jobs - no more wanting the 'nurse's scalp'.

BritInUS1 · 23/01/2018 14:27

Sorry you are going through this, but I think in this case YABU she is just doing her job. Take care x

Butteredparsn1ps · 23/01/2018 14:27

I am sorry OP IVF is tough, and so you don't have to be reasonable at all, But, can you get your head around the Nurse trying to prepare you, for what might have been ahead?

I'm sorry that the news was devastating.