To be absolutely furious with my nurse?

[Chocolatesprinkledcrumpet]

Ok, so my DH and I just started IVF after 3 years of TTC with zero success. After the starting blood test I received a phone call from my nurse that the test shows elevated progesterone, asked about my cycle (47 days, heavy, clotted bleeding) and told me that it was most likely an early MC. DH I have just spent an agonizing night, and checked into the hospital for beta test and a scan. The results show a minor cyst on my left ovary that is most likely the culprit for the elevated progesterone and an absolute zilch on beta. Now I don't know if I am relieved not to have had a MC or a sort of heaviness because, well it's back to square one. But I most definitely want to have that nurse's scalp for "most likely an MC" torture... I might be hormonal though...

I went to the GP last year as I'd spent most of the month bleeding, we're ttc too, I think he prescribed me tablets to stop the bleeding but I didn't get & take them as I didn't want to mess with my cycle - but anyway - when I said I don't just want pills, I want some investigation (very irregular, cycle all over the place) he said go home & do a pg test, it's probably a miscarriage and dismissed us. That's it, just like that. Awful treatment IMO.

Omg, Eliza, that's awful!!! So sorry you went through that!

We were fortunate enough to have the consultant check on us immediately. Currently the plan is to have a scan in two weeks and take it from there.

And I promise no more threats to rearrane the personal descriptions of medical personnel of any kind.

When someone goes to the doctor with a lump in their breast, the doctor shouldn’t say “It could be cancer.”

They should say, “it’s probably fine but let’s investigate to be on the safe side.”

You don’t lead with a negative. You lead with a positive and investigate the negative.

It’s bad practice to have suggested you are having a miscarriage when she had no evidence at that point and was simply giving her opinion.

No matter what people’s replies are on here, that isn’t ok

IVF is very emotionally tough. I would have wanted to know the most likely cause myself but people are different. Good luck with the rest of your treatment, be as kind to yourself as you can be over the next few months.

Just Vent, If a patient goes to their GP with a lump and is referred for a fast track appointment, the chances are they will guess what the referral is for.

They can't say it's probably fine unless they know that it is. That would be dishonest and misleading, at a point when trust between a Dr and patient is crucial.

Most professionals will identify what the patient thinks is going on, and then agree to refer for investigation. That way avoids false reassurance.

Big hugs OP xx

I nearly cried there and then, in the GP room.

I think they can be very insensitive sometimes and not see the emotional side that we deal with. Especially in my practice where I've never seen the same Dr twice, they are all locums on rotation ffs

Sorry OP but YABVU. All the best for IVF

Eliza, I think the emotional side is often swept under the carpet, even in the best of circumstances.

In so far, our team seems quite capable, but also rushed off their feet. But I don't think this is a good place to dissect NHS again, I'm just grateful for the IVF.

@wisterialanes Yup, I realized that. Don't worry, rant is over now.

It’s a really common cause of an elevated progesterone.
Not to excuse her because the choice of words was unfortunate A miscarriage implys that a pregnancy has been achieved. In reality it hasn’t because the implantation has failed.
To look at it in a different way, if that was the case you would be narrowing down the causes of failure to conceive.

Good Luck Chocolate. IVF is tough for many reasons, do you get offered counselling? We were whilst we were going through it and it was incredibly helpful. I would highly recommend it if you get the chance.

I don't think you were being unreasonable OP, I think it's just one of those things where every approach is going to upset someone and unfortunately there was a clash here. When I was miscarrying (it went on for weeks, slow growth and essentially waiting for the heartbeat to stop) I hated the midwives who were positive with me and just wanted someone to say "this isn't going to work out" whereas DH only wanted to hear optimism and was so angry when one sonographer suggested we prepare ourselves for the worst. It's just different strokes and all that.

Best of luck with the IVF journey

When someone goes to the doctor with a lump in their breast, the doctor shouldn’t say “It could be cancer.”
Because the chances are it isn't cancer. If the likelihood it is cancer, then they should lead with the negative. Otherwise you're misleading people.

Fingers crossed for you OP. I know how hard it is. Even after it worked I spent the whole pregnancy fretting. But it does and can work miracles.

@Butteredparsn1ps
Not in my case when my lump wasn’t cancer. And not in my mates case where she ended up dying of breast cancer.

Either you have an unkind GP who thinks his patients are thick and can’t guess for themselves that it could be cancer or you yourself is that GP....

A GP should lead with he fact it’s cancer?!

Do me a favour.

Should they lead with someone with a prolonged cough that it could be lung cancer?!

Course they bloody shouldn’t.

They refer, they test, they explore.
You don’t lead with a negative.
How many times have you been diagnosed with cancer?!
Or does your GP suggest it every time you go?

I think we can all identify a situation where we feel like we weren't handled as we would prefer to.

In addition to that NHS staff is being overworked to the point where being empathic is being nipped in the bud by all the pressures and probably not their choice.

But I would encourage any contributors to this thread to please respect each other's input, as we all see things from a different point, and could use that to put oneselves into another's perspective.

Today I had a very good lesson at what could happen if l lost my temper at someone just trying to do their best and it could have costed me a lot down the line, were it not for the posters here telling me to chill but also offering support.

And thank you all very much for that, it is really appreciated.

And would a nurse suggest you’re having a miscarriage every time you’re late/heavy/clotty?

Hell, I’d be miscarrying every other month then.

OP you are not being very unreasonably as some have suggested.

Nurses aren’t supposed to give opinions they are supposed to be diplomatic, informative and much more but not opinionated on your personal situation which was at best - guess work.
And your outcome is exactly why they shouldn’t be.

Best of luck for the future.

Nurses aren’t supposed to give opinions they are supposed to be diplomatic, informative and much more but not opinionated on your personal situation which was at best - guess work.
But it wasn't guess work - the 'opinion' was based on experience and knowledge. Sounds like the nurse was being diplomatic and informative

Informative of what exactly?

A pregnancy test? No.

A blood test? No.

A scan? No.

Bleeding?! There’s a lot of reasons why a woman might bleed and a miscarriage is just one of them.

It wasn’t an informative remark in the slightest.