AIBU to silently scream every time...

[SparePantsAndLego]

... DH ‘tidies up’ but in actual fact simply makes piles of stuff. His last tidying up session involved spending an inordinately long time emptying a random selection of DS’s things from a perfectly good cupboard and putting said things in bags in the middle of DS’s room. Drives. Me. Potty. Don’t even get me started on the time he ‘tidied’ the coat rack and piled coats and scarves on our bed. Where the fuck were we meant to sleep? On the up side, the coat rack was empty... ARGH!

"Half-job Bob". Twat.

Despite my explaining he can’t see what’s wrong with his ‘method’ and is convinced he’s done a good job. I, on the other hand, have to walk round a couple of fucking bags and seethe every time I see them. Considering a tshirt for him with your words on it, MrsH. Either that, or more gin for me...

OMG I was silently cussing about this very issue only today. I've tidied up, he says. No. What you've done is gather everything up and dump it into a bag/box/anywhere that's not its proper place and then wonder why it takes me an eternity - or never - to sort it out. MIL tells me that her ex DH (i.e. my DH's DF) would say tidying was easy and pretty much swipe everything into a random bag, stuff it in a cupboard and say there you go - sorted, what's the issue?

Yes, yes,yes! The expectation here is that I’ll then ‘go through’ it. Or, in reality, simply get so pissed off walking round it that I’ll put it back exactly where it came from in the perfectly serviceable cupboard. Until the next time he ‘tidies up’. If I didn’t know him better I’d suggest some Machiavellian plan to make me beg him to stop tidying up.

He's only doing half of it! Yes remove piles of crap from the places they shouldn't be, but you need to find a home for the pile of crap once you've finished tidying the original place.

Can you not just dump the piles onto his side of the bed or something? Might encourage him to stop leaving them in random areas.

Argh! My DH does the opposite- he puts things away in random places. Just scoops up whatever's lying around and bungs it in random cupboards. He claims I'm untidy, but in reality the problem is that he uses all the storage space for his stuff, so there's no room left for mine!

So annoying though!

I could, Gummy if there wasn’t already a pile of books and a pile of his Christmas presents that he’s not yet found a home for there. He insists that it’s me who is untidy. In reality I just don’t bother making piles. I either leave things where they are or put them away. I think maybe he thinks bags and piles are in fact invisibility cloaks...

Equally irritating, Fiesta. At least I know everything is in a bag or on a pile...

YANBU!

Mine does this too! In fact I had no idea it was a 'thing', thought it was just him.

He will actually sort out quite a lot - so sorts all the laundry into different piles for each person, but then leaves it in laundry baskets and never actually manages to put it in the right wardrobes. Arrrgh!

Yes Yes, every bloody day I have this! Drives me flippin'batty.

Ive now named it "ta-da!" tidying i.e. look at this big empty space!!! (Amnt I a clever boy), but see all that paperwork you had been working through is now in one big pile waiting on you, to go through (again!) but hey! there is no paper now on the dining table!!

My OH collects everything up, puts away a small amount of his stuff then makes a pile of everything else and says ‘that’s your pile’. There will be my things in there, as well as anything to do with the house, anything to do with the DC, and junk mail that he could have easily filtered and recycled (often addressed to him), some things of his he didn’t know where to put....etc

If he says he’s going to tidy up I now try to deflect him (‘hmmm that’s great I wonder if you could start with the hovering is my usual line!’)

I went to a meeting the other day. Took my best work bag. Only realised when I was almost there that my husband had ‘tidied’ all my hobby paperwork into the bag - a huge wedge of paper that weighed a tonne!

DH empties the contents of the dishwasher - onto the draining board.

I’m finding small amounts of comfort here. Wish I’d name changed then I could show DH the thread. He simply doesn’t get that he’s not tidying at all.

Is this better than the shove it all to the side of the room method?

Does dumping it all on the stairs count?

Why would you finish the job for him?

I'd say "You've left those bags on DS" floor..." until he moved them.

Mine “tidies” the Tupperware pots. All the pots over here and all the lids over there. This makes perfect sense to him, but I CBA rummaging through to find a lid that fits, so I don’t use them. He is baffled by my lack of awe at his “neat” piles of pots/lids.

My oh & my dd are both pile makers. They have piles in every room of the house. I gave up and came to terms with the fact I live in a shithole. It makes life far more
Bearable

This is my plan, sausages but I capitulate (after a row) as I just can’t live with bags full of things in DS’s room. Mainly because he then decamps to the living room with his Lego and don’t get me started on DH’s attitude to Lego tidying...

Oh, new my DH used to do that. I got him to see the error of his ways by throwing away the credit card he’d been waiting for. It was in my pile of post but I didn’t need it, so in the bin it went.

Ugh. I came home a couple of weekends ago to find the husband had cleared out the downstairs cupboard. Hats, scarves, gloves etc shoved into backpacks and put on the highest shelf. Out of my reach. Thanks for that. My shoes and the five year olds shoes shoved into bags for life while his are neatly arranged. He’s lost her school shoes btw. The kitchen was a tip and we had a pile of laundry. But no. The cupboard was the priority. Argh!!

Yes! My OH does this. Sweeps up letters and paperwork from round the house but just dumps them on a shelf in the spare room. So I think he's filed, binned etc but he hasn't and I don't realise until i try to find something and it's in a paper mountain.

It's not just men. My mother is a chronic stacker, it's been making my dad somewhat edgy for over 40 years. He just bins things occasionally when it gets too much, then she has a panicked rummage through the recycling.

He's currently putting up a heroic resistance to having a breakfast bar fitted. In their last house it was just a very expensive place for mum to stack papery things.

YABU
You should scream out loud. Just saying something clearly doesn't work.

LTB. Then get a divorce, on the grounds of mental cruelty.