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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude friend

38 replies

Emy0306 · 22/01/2018 07:17

My friend, let's call her Friend A came to visit yesterday and made no effort at all with any conversation .We had another friend round, friend B. Friend A made no effort all day and was just giving one word answers and just not really joining in. Didn't really bother me too much just assumed she was having a bad day but then we all went for dinner and my friend A just stood back and gave her order in. She had no idea who had paid for her she just ate her meal and went home. No thank you. I've known her for nearly 20 years and feel incredibly let down by her behaviour. I am not actually earning any money at the moment and she knows it . Why are people so rude. Should I say something?

OP posts:
FiveLittlePigs · 22/01/2018 07:21

No. You should order an Ocado delivery with champagne and flowers to be sent to her house. Hmm

Pigglesworth · 22/01/2018 07:25

If her behaviour is out of character I'd follow up by asking if she is OK as she seemed withdrawn. And letting her know what her share of the cost of the meal was.

myusernamewastaken · 22/01/2018 07:25

Yes absolutely.....send her a text telling her what she owes you for her meal then distance yourself from the rude cow !!!

hidinginthenightgarden · 22/01/2018 07:26

Well you could message her asking if there was something wrong as her behaviour was out of character. Also I would be telling her she owed X amount for her meal.

treaclesoda · 22/01/2018 07:28

Why wouldn't you say something? Confused Why did no one say at the time 'so that works out at £20 each' and then wait for her to put her share in?

walkingdowntheboulevard · 22/01/2018 07:30

Perhaps she wanted to speak to you and didn't expect anyone else to be there. Sounds like she's not her usual self,so why not give her a ring and see if she's ok.

Poshindevon · 22/01/2018 07:33

I cant understand why you did not ask for her share of the money at the time you paid for the meal.
You definitely need to talk to her and tell her how let down you feel by her behaviour and ask for your money.

treaclesoda · 22/01/2018 07:33

Perhaps she wanted to speak to you and didn't expect anyone else to be there.

But how does that relate to expecting someone else to pay for dinner?

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 22/01/2018 07:36

Hmm depends how good a friend she is normally. If this is out of character I would be really concerned and give her a call or text to see what’s up.

bimbobaggins · 22/01/2018 07:43

I don’t understand how you can sit through a meal and when it comes to pay you wouldn’t just say, your share costs £££. Who actually does this? Only on mn would this happened. No one is really that soft that they would just willingly pay and not say something

ShowMeTheElf · 22/01/2018 07:50

She was expecting some one on one time with you and was put out by friend B being there I think. Does she know/get on with friend B?
Regarding dinner, just text her 'Oi, I need you to put some in the kitty for last night's dinner please. Your meal was £20. Are you OK? You were really quiet yesterday and I didn't have opportunity to talk to you alone.' Then see what she comes back with.

shakeyourcaboose · 22/01/2018 07:54

Were you out out at a 'sit down' restaurant or takeaway place? Just wondering how she was during the meal?

spiderbear · 22/01/2018 07:59

I'd defo say something. What did friend B say about it? Did they notice her behaviour was off as well?

rocketgirl22 · 22/01/2018 08:13

If she is usually a kind and caring person then def something is wrong. Dont text it wont tell you anything, phoning is better.

If she has form for this why on earth is she still welcome in your life?

Sweetpea55 · 22/01/2018 08:14

Was she with you all day? Didn't you have a chance to ask her if she was ok, when friend B went to the loo for instance?
Is she friends with friend B ?

Original poster
Emy0306 · 22/01/2018 08:19

Thanks all . It was a pay at the bar before we sat down . She just hung back . It’s the not saying thank you rather than the payment that’s upset me . She knew the other friend was going to be there when she came

OP posts:
jellycat1 · 22/01/2018 08:28

In your shoes I'd have assumed she was very upset about something or had us some really bad news. Maybe she was waiting to be asked if she was ok.

ChasedByBees · 22/01/2018 08:33

If she hung back either she wanted someone to pay for her and that was deliberate or she was completely distracted by something - i would have asked if she was OK too.

blueskyinmarch · 22/01/2018 08:57

I guess it is fair enough that she was quiet during the day - maybe she was feeling unwell or distracted by something worrying her. It was very cheeky of her not to pay her share of dinner though. Maybe send her a message saying 'Hope you are ok, you seemed very quiet yesterday? Just to let you know forgot to pay me for your dinner last night. Your share was £15.'

whiskyowl · 22/01/2018 08:58

Is this normal for her, or totally out of character?

If the latter, I would think that she is sending you every possible sign that something is wrong. I would be ringing her up to find out what on earth was going on. There might well be something you don't know about here - depression, bad news, a recent shock - that could explain her attitude.

If she is often like this without a particular cause, however, it may be time to reassess the friendship.

talulahbeige · 22/01/2018 09:00

If it’s out of character definitely dont just have a go at her. Sounds to me like she’s having a rough time of it.
I often shut down (depression) but still force myself to go out with friends, friends should understand. She might just need a bit of pushing to talk.

restingbemusedface · 22/01/2018 09:08

Maybe something is wrong?? Maybe she’s upset about something? If my friend was acting that out of character at dinner I would say ‘is everything ok? You see a bit out of sorts.’

CorbynsBumFlannel · 22/01/2018 09:11

Why didn't you tell whoever was serving you that you were paying separately?
You need to ask her for her share.
And if her behaviour was out of character I'd ask if there's something wrong as well.

CremeFresh · 22/01/2018 09:17

I went to my friends house the other day , I'd been there about 1 minute when she said 'what's wrong ?' She's my friend and knew immediately that I wasn't myself. Why didn't you ask your friend if she was ok ?

Original poster
Emy0306 · 22/01/2018 09:18

Thanks everyone. Of course I did ask her was she ok several times throughout the day. Ther are things going on in her life so I understood the quietness but still.. a thank you costs nothing

OP posts: