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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have made this decision?

33 replies

Mimsy123 · 21/01/2018 17:57

That after much thought and soul-searching, I have decided that I do not want to have kids?

OP posts:
Pickleypickles · 21/01/2018 18:01

That is your decision to make OP and a perfectly good choice. I mean this in a nice way, you dont need validation of a bunch of internet strangers.

Mimsy123 · 21/01/2018 18:38

Thank you Pickleypickles but do you think it is actually okay to have come to this conclusion?

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 21/01/2018 18:41

Of course it's ok. Why wouldn't it be?

Thistlebelle · 21/01/2018 18:43

Of course it’s ok.

It’s your body and your life. I have several friends who are childless by choice.

You need to be straightforward with any partner of course.

NeilPetark · 21/01/2018 18:45

Of course it’s ok, but as a pp said you need to be totally honest to any partner.

Huffpostisapileofcrap · 21/01/2018 18:46

Definitely ok! Also be open to the possibility that you may change your mind, or you may not. Be honest with any partner to.

DwangelaForever · 21/01/2018 18:49

It's your life and your choice. It's absolutely fine to choose not to have kids!

Sparklingbrook · 21/01/2018 18:50

it doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks but it's absolutely fine and I don't think it's that uncommon any more.

Jaygee61 · 21/01/2018 18:51

You absolutely do not have to have kids. It’s your choice and there are many good reasons to choose not to.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/01/2018 18:52

Ok by me. Stick to your choice.

Tistheseason17 · 21/01/2018 18:53

Perfectly fine, but...
Accept you may change your mind! It happens!

AmethystRaven · 21/01/2018 18:56

Entirely your choice, I have a lot of respect for people who say 'actually, that's not for me' and live the life that does work for them. Having children is a massive thing and no one should be judged for choosing not to if it's not right for them. If you don't want to be a doctor or a teacher or whatever, it's perfectly acceptable to say so and it should be the same for being a parent!

Needaneusername · 21/01/2018 18:57

Why would it be a bad decision? Confused

juddyrockingcloggs · 21/01/2018 18:58

My sister and her husband absolutely do not want, ever to have children. They have a fantastic life without them and are fulfilled in every way. Far far better to make that decision than to have children and resent them.

KimmySchmidt1 · 21/01/2018 18:59

How old are you? If you’re 21 then I’m not surprised you don’t want kids - lots of people don’t at that age, and it’s a bit of a funny age to make such a certain declaration (as you have about 20 years to change your mind). If you are 33 then you may well not change your mind and of course it is entirely up to you either way.

toomuchlikehardwork · 21/01/2018 19:00

Not having children shouldn't be seen as an odd choice or something you have to justify.

I sometimes think people should have to justify why they have children considering some of the parents and children I've come across.

I'm 37 and we don't want children. We enjoy our life, like our jobs, like our disposal income and feel like having children wouldn't be right for us.

It's 100% your choice and don't ever feel like you have to explain yourself.

Jaygee61 · 21/01/2018 19:00

I think it’s a bit patronising to say to someone who has said they do not want kids that they might change their mind. Would you say that to someone who wanted kids?

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 21/01/2018 19:00

Whyever wouldn't it be ok?

I knew as a teenager that I didn't want kids & at 44 I know I made the right decision. It's not compulsory.

Tistheseason17 · 21/01/2018 19:08

Yes, you would @Jaygee61

I nannied for a few years and decided I did not want children. I changed my mind 20 yrs later. It happens.

A person can choose to feel patronised or simply accept advice in the good spirit it was intended. After all, this is the AIBU thread! Grin

PurpleDaisies · 21/01/2018 19:10

OF course it’s ok.

Why are you looking for validation from strangers?

ConfusedButInLove · 21/01/2018 19:11

Its yoyr body your choice. In years to come you may change your mind. You may adopt. Or you may just be happy to choose nither.
As long as you are honest with any potential partners.
Do what is best for you OPFlowers

DriggleDraggle · 21/01/2018 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mimsy123 · 21/01/2018 19:23

Thank you, all of you, for your replies. The only issue I have is that now I’ve made the decision that I don’t want kids, how I am going to tell them later when they come home.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 21/01/2018 19:24
Hmm

Is that supposed to be funny?

DowntonCrabby · 21/01/2018 19:26

I was about to say of course YANBU but seeing your update GrinGrinGin

I've had one of those days where I fully sympathise!