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Original poster

How to approach Tinder dating?

35 replies

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 12/01/2018 23:20

How should I approach Tinder dating? (Or any kind of dating, really).

Was talking to a relative, and they think that I should be seeing several people at once in order to increase my chances of finding someone I really click with and really want to be with. I much prefer the idea of seeing people individually though. The relative met their DH on Tinder, and was only seeing their DH individually, but has a lot more experience of relationships than me (is a few years older).

OP posts:
NewYearNiki · 12/01/2018 23:22

With very low expectations.

Tinder is for the most part men wanting hook ups.

BlondeB83 · 12/01/2018 23:33

Don’t judge everyone on looks, read their little bio as it may spark an interest. Don’t talk for ages without meeting, make it clear what you are looking for and be open minded!

I met two people from Tinder, the first was a very nice man who had similar interests to me. We had a nice first date and he was very gentlemanly with no expectations except a nice evening. He asked me for a second date but I did go in the end as there was no real spark.

The second, we had an instant spark and I ended up back at his! Blush He is now my husband!

Good luck! Tinder is not all bad! My friend also met her husband on Tinder.

DancesWithOtters · 12/01/2018 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheGhostsOfPresidentsYetToCome · 12/01/2018 23:41

I’d say keep talking to several people at once until you’re sure you like them. Stops you getting overunfested!

There’s an OLD thread in relationships and they have some ground rules and are there to offer support if it all goes tits up.

I met my boyfriend on there. Unfortunately he’s boring like a pig beside me now HmmGrin

TheGhostsOfPresidentsYetToCome · 12/01/2018 23:42

Snoring!

Argeles · 12/01/2018 23:45

If you want a quick fuck or a fuckbuddy then Tinder’s your friend (apparently). I say this as someone who married before Tinder existed, but this is what I have heard to be common knowledge of this site.

If I were you, I’d go for sites like eharmony and match.com. Good luck with it.

NewYearNiki · 12/01/2018 23:49

EHarmony is shit. Met a few time wasters on that and match.com was diabolical

Original poster
WellAlwaysHaveParis · 12/01/2018 23:50

Thanks everyone!! Your advice is really helpful.

I'm really, really close to this relative, but I just personally really don't like the idea of seeing several people at once. (And I haven't even found anyone else on Tinder to have that option anyway!!)

I also absolutely don't want her to think that I'm brushing off her advice. I tried to explain why I felt the way I did, but I felt a bit like I was justifying myself in front of her for only wanting to see one person at a time as she's older and much more experienced in relationships.

Also, the guy that I'm seeing now (very very early days!!!) would be my first ever relationship, for a variety of reasons. My relative and I were looking at his Facebook profile earlier, and there were some things on his profile that I felt she was judging a bit. I'm sure she wasn't, but it just felt a bit annoying, as if she was sort of criticising my taste in a way or sounding a bit patronising as if to say, oh Paris you have no experience in relationships - you can't be expected at all to know what you want. Does anyone sort of get where I'm coming from?

OP posts:
Original poster
WellAlwaysHaveParis · 12/01/2018 23:51

If you want a quick fuck or a fuckbuddy then Tinder’s your friend (apparently).

It's weird though Argeles because my relative met her DH on Tinder, and most of the couples I know met on Tinder.

OP posts:
NewYearNiki · 12/01/2018 23:54

I dont know anyone who met on tinder.

You've already met someone.

Do you usually do what others tell you to do with your life?

Don't want to multi date? So don't.

trojanpony · 13/01/2018 06:54

I got off tinder last year (now in long term relationship with someone from tinder!) but I was very much like yourself OP and was really not keen on multidating initially.

However I came round to it and did end up multidating for a few reasons; it stopped me fixating /overthinking things and also reduced early overinvestment.
It made it easier emotionally to move on and be less disappointed when someone didn’t work out.
It is also waaaaay more time efficient, so I might have had three first dates in a week but only gone on a second date with one the next week.

I thought of it more as “multi meeting” as I wasn’t ever casually dating multiple people IYSWIM

Also I found tinder 100x better for relationships than match eharmony etc (POF was the worst) but there are lots of time wasters and arseholes whatever you use

I recommend screening/vetting dates with a discerning eye 🧐

trojanpony · 13/01/2018 06:58

Hang on!? You are seeing someone already???
You don’t need tinder at all 😂
I’d minimise chat about the new boyfriend to your relative. The fb thing doesn’t sound nice
what was “wrong” with his fb page?

ultimately you need to find your own path and make your own choices (even if it is a mistake) that’s how you learn and grow

SavageBeauty73 · 13/01/2018 07:30

With a thick skin!

Broken11Girl · 13/01/2018 07:51

Yup this Grin Ooh Family Guy did an episode on this. Sorry, but that's what came to mind. My sister and friends keep telling me to get on there. Nope. Although I think it's fair enough to date several people in the early stages and see if any make it to relationship material not that I can imagine having the energy or being lucky enough as long as said people don't expect more than that ie everyone is honest.

ferntwist · 13/01/2018 07:53

Definitely date a few people at once - as in go on quick dates to see if you like them. Don’t read too much into their profile pictures. Some men look wat cuter in real life, others the opposite, they’re just not as good at taking selfies as women.

ferntwist · 13/01/2018 07:55

If you focus on one bloke only it will drive you crazy online - safety in numbers for sure. Get a book called The Rules for online dating.

Original poster
WellAlwaysHaveParis · 13/01/2018 10:24

It's very very early days (I've seen him twice), but I like him and want to see where it goes. I want to give it a chance and just see what happens.

OP posts:
ferntwist · 13/01/2018 12:19

Good luck! When are you seeing him next?

Original poster
WellAlwaysHaveParis · 13/01/2018 12:32

@trojanpony it's still reeeally early days. We've only seen each other twice and haven't moved off Tinder messaging. Which I quite like, as it helps me to keep things in perspective and just to take things slowly and at my own pace. He seems happy to do that. With my relative looking at his Fb page, I'm totally fine with it and I know 100% that she means well and it's because she's protective and doesn't want me to get hurt, as it's the first time I've seen anyone ever, so it's totally new.

@ferntwist thanks! :) We've made plans to do something next week, but haven't planned where or what day we're meeting. Looking forward to seeing him again :)

OP posts:
BornInSydneyy · 13/01/2018 12:36

Tinder is not just for a hook it. So ignore the people that say that. If a guy just wants sex then it’s very obvious anyway.

Just talk to anyone you match with and are interested in. You don’t have to be physically dating 10 different men at once.

Tinderella2018 · 13/01/2018 12:50

OP - great that you have a date set up - but don't let that stop you considering OLD in the future.

I am on Tinder and it can be fun - as long as you have a thick skin!
Multi-dates are par for the course, I'm afraid. Go on them with no or low expectations and see what happens, if you feel brave enough. I have met some lovely people - the spark wasn't there, but for the sake of a cup of coffee with someone new who might have similar interests, then it was worth giving it a shot. And a couple of dates have been the source of great amusement - not always for the right reasons!

It is definitely not just for hook-ups in my experience. There are some great people on there.( I do find it extraordinary that people who have no personal experience of online dating feel qualified to pass judgement and recommend other sites.)

I started a thread on Tinder about when to unmatch - one poster has responded with her thoughts - a good checklist for men or women when putting an OLD profile together. And other posters have also highlighted some good places to get info before you start on an OLD adventure - should you decide to do so.

Agree totally with trojanpony - there are some total tossers - whether you're on a paid site or not and ferntwist - absolutely agree about profiles!

Go in with an open mind whoever you're dating and however you've met them, don't overthink and ENJOY! Good luck.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 13/01/2018 12:55

I met my fiancé on Tinder.

I had no further expectations that a hopefully fun date. And it was, so we kept meeting up.

Don't overthink, or over-expect, but definitely go out to enjoy it!

trojanpony · 13/01/2018 13:48

I think you are right to be taking it slowly.
it’s worth thinking about what you want ( ie long term vs. casual dating) and broaching it.
I found for me 3rd to 4th date was around the time for the what are you looking for/are we exclusive? chat...

All the guys I ended up dating seriously were unanimous in their responses which was basically “I’m not planning seeing anyone else and I don’t want you to either! Be my girlfriend!”
If you get any ambivalent “let’s see him how it goes” and you Don’t want to be causal I’d be looking to move on to pastures new

Good luck!

Original poster
WellAlwaysHaveParis · 13/01/2018 14:48

Thanks trojan - that's really good advice. I'm still quite nervous so will see how it goes.

The last thing I want to do is keep him hanging, so I've tried to be upfront about the fact that I want to take things slowly and he seems happy to do that. I don't want to mess him around, so I've tried to be open and honest.

I want to get to know him, and I just feel that if I was 'seeing' several people at the same time, I wouldn't be focusing on him and giving him a chance.

OP posts:
trojanpony · 13/01/2018 14:56

Hmmmmm

Do you really really like him and do you want to see how it goes?

Or do you think he is “quite nice” and a good person and might grow on you ?