*lighthearted* To think my teenage son might be...

[ididntmeanitlikethat]

a vampire

DS is 14 and appears to be allergic to daylight. He'd happily spend his whole life in his bedroom, blinds closed, no light on...ever!

He speaks a weird language, that only his vampire teenage friends appear to understand.

There's this strange smell attached to him, which no amount of deodorant masks

This is quite common.

Quite often the teenage vampire will also exist only on a diet of bread and sweets and Nando's/McDonald's/some other shite. No red blood will pass their lips, so no one is in danger. I'd keep garlic to hand though, just in case.

Phew...glad to hear it fromage

I'm not sure how well DP would cope with DS sucking his neck. Could be the end of the relationship

My lovely 15yo is the same. According to him vegetables are the work of the devil, however if he is one he's not a very good one as he loves garlic, can spend an hour in the shower -thanks YouTube- but detests onions.

I have one of those. I like to dramatically enter the room and fling open the curtains whereby he will dramatically clutch is throat and hiss and croak writhing slowly toward the floor.

His bedroom has two scent settings

Lynx and Gag

Both are awful.

So I make him burn incense in there.

@honeydragon yes the room scent, both are bad, especially when he gets ready for school in the mornings, its that bad I'm thinking of asking Santa for a gas mask this Christmas

I remember my brother being like this.

The light. It burnsssssss ussssssss.

(And he ended up an accountant, so you do have to be very very careful )

What is that smell in their bedrooms? Every time I go in I wonder wtf is mkaing that smell and can't figure it out.

I have no idea bonfires and I agree that Lynx makes it worse!

I'm hoping it's temporary though or he'll have to live in the shed

I think it's a combination of sweat, cheesy sweaty feet/socks/trainers and - er - dirty tissues/stiffened socks.

We say that about DS who is the same age. He likes chicken Kiev though so slight doubts on the vampire theory but the rest fits.

It's just a chrysalis phase. Give him a few years and he'll pop out a half decent human who's discovered washing under armpits is advisable for attracting the opposite sex.

The smell is evaporating jizz!!

and - er - dirty tissues/stiffened socks.
Yes, this
Mine goes through periods of being super clean and then falls back into lynx/sweat/windows shut/dirty plates/stink mode. I suspect I need to thank some girl for those clean periods.

The smell is evaporating jizz!!

I feel sick...never going in his room again!

@HoneyDragon - I used to invigilate for the GCSE and A level exams, at ds1's all-boys school - the entire building was pervaded with a fug of BO and Lynx - so thick you could almost slice it!

I think the vampire phase goes on past the teens - No2 son (22) has just got up - very proud that it is still morning.

Ds was out the house at 7am this morning thus ruining my lie in dd got hers though. Otherwise ds is thrilled if he’s awake prenoon

When I taught, it was always obvious if a year 10 class had been in the room before my lesson because of the stench.

The vampire thing goes on for years. I had a boyfriend at uni who was nicknamed "The Prince of Darkness" by the cleaners in halls because they'd never seen him in daylight and he refused to open the curtains.

So funny
I've just shown the ops post to the 16yr old, he laughed
I told him it reminded me of him and his brothers rooms, he laughed again

There is hope!

3-4 years further along, and my vampire-troglodyte is occasionally opening its his curtains (well, one of them. Part of the way.) and even vacuuming his cave (well, most of it. Occasionally.)

And got a girlfriend. Which has helped him to rediscover verbal language and decent manners, as he wants lifts.

Is this just boys or do girls take on this vampire persona as well? I have one of each so wondering if I have to do it once or twice!!

Oh just to add, other son is 19....
16 yr old refers to his room as the 'bat cave'..... it smells like a bat cave too, full of bat crap!!

I have a young teen who has just entered this vampire chrysalis phase. What is the average age for emergence I wonder?

Wilber I don't know about the curtain/darkness, but girls' rooms get MESSY. Clothes everywhere (except in the wardrobe), books and gadgets on and under the bed, used plates/cups in the corners, empty water or fizzy drink bottles in a pile... and if you say anything, they will scream that you're hurting their self-esteem

The language thing gets me as well and I think this is both boys and girls

I have taken to looking things up on urban dictionary! Most recently looked up 'chode' (wish I didn't)

Your message takes me back years. When my son finally left home, I ripped out everything in his room because I could still smell him. Despite this, the smell never quite went away - he is now nearly 40, a great dad and husband, cooks like a dream, and has a wonderful job - they do grow out of it eventually!!!