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Original poster

Another Christmas dilemma..

30 replies

EstaVino · 16/12/2017 16:32

My sister moved to another country over ten years ago and started family life. I usually see my sister at least once/twice a year which has included Xmas a fair bit.

My brother is visiting for the first time for a long weekend with his new GF. I've haven't seen my brother in over 5 years over a silly argument but he prides himself his mentality of 'one strike and you're out'. I have tried apologising, wrote letters, begged for forgiveness (it wasn't really an argument but I was suffering from anxiety as a teen and didn't return his phone calls for a couple of weeks as I knew he wanted to lecture me about college decisions).

Now this is my dilemma, I want my brother to spend quality time with my sis and nephews as he's never really any spent time with them. It's a big deal that he's going to visit as he said he never would apparently doesn't like the country but we've got a feeling his new gf does and they want a cheap holiday. He's incredibly stubborn and I reckon a complete narcissist so if I rock up he'll see it as i'm stealing his thunder. But I do go over there regularly and this Xmas my mum is spending the day with her BF and I don't want to third wheel. I could go to friends' but I'd feel like I was imposting. So I was going to spend Xmas on my own, probably go out with friends on Xmas eve and spend the 25 nursing a hangover watching cliche movies.

The cheapest day to fly is xmas day so he would have a couple of days and Xmas morning with the family (i'll also be jetlagged so i'd be in bed early). He's leaving on boxing day so we wouldn't spend that much time together. I'm more than happy to be civil (I would like to make the peace but that will never happen) I'm sure we can all play happy families for a day over monopoly.

My sis is nervous over him coming as he's extremely judgemental, perfectionist and it's like stepping on egg shells. WWUD?

OP posts:
2cats2many · 16/12/2017 16:34

Does your sister want you to go for Christmas as normal?

SpartonDregs · 16/12/2017 16:35

Sorry what?

HerRoyalNotness · 16/12/2017 16:40

If the overlap is only a day or so then I'd still go to your sister. What does she think of you being there at the same time?

Bluntness100 · 16/12/2017 16:41

Stop pandering to the twat that’s what I would do.

Does your sister want you to come? Do you want to go? If the answer to both is yes, then go. Your brother is irrelevant.

Original poster
EstaVino · 16/12/2017 16:43

My sister wants me there but also doesn't want my brother to go crazy. She says she's left the ball in my court if i'm going or not. She's also said that I have every right to be there as I actually bother with her family whereas my brother is clearly going for the free accommodation- she doesn't even know if he's going to be spending the whole of the day at hers as all the tourist attractions will still be open (not a Christian country). But on the other hand he seems to be making a bit more of an effort with her/boys so we don't know if he's realised his mentality is actually a lonely place to be.

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 16/12/2017 16:47

I would say speak to your sister, you sound fairly close and I wonder if you explained your worries to her she’d understand. Also wouldn’t it be good to make things up with your brother? Perhaps in the spirit of Christmas and all that he might be more willing to listen? Especially with your sisters/his gf’s influence? I think communication is key here.

Anixety is horrid, I really feel for you and hope you manage to make arrangements for Christmas. It’s a difficult time of year Flowers

Crispbutty · 16/12/2017 16:47

Go as you planned to. He’s the one with issues. Why should you miss out. Sounds like your sister will be glad of the moral support too. He can only get away with being an emotional bully if you allow it. Also if he has a new girlfriend he’s more likely to be on best behaviour or even better she has managed to soften him and make him into a more decent person.

glitterlips1 · 16/12/2017 16:51

I wouldn't keep pandering to him. Do what you want, he sounds an arsehole.

Bluntness100 · 16/12/2017 16:51

Seriously, what are you both doing letting him away with this shit. She doesn’t want him to go crazy? If he goes crazy she needs to tell him to fuck off out of there.

Go and neither of you put up with his shit anymore
Understand he is rhe one with the problem and neither of you need to put up with it.

Blackteadrinker77 · 16/12/2017 16:54

Can you not email him and see how he feels about it?

I wouldn't just turn up in case it caused a big scene in front of the children.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 16/12/2017 16:55

He sounds like a utter arsehole. Stop the craziness and set an example by just turning up, being an adult and let him deal with himself.

He's been bullying you all for years with this appalling behaviour, by the sounds of it. Don't let him do it any longer.

NinonDeLenclos · 16/12/2017 16:56

Stop pandering to the twat that’s what I would do

This.

You go see your sister, you both have a good time. Let the twat do what he wants. If he's a pia don't invite him back.

HerRoyalNotness · 16/12/2017 16:56

I'd go then and just talk to him as if nothing had happened. It might be a way for him to make peace, if he doesn't want to, so be it.

NinonDeLenclos · 16/12/2017 16:57

Both you and your sister have to stop enabling this shit.

He did you a favour by having a hissy fit over nothing. Don't ever apologise to him again.

Gemini69 · 16/12/2017 17:01

every single one of you should tell your Brother to PISS OFF and take his judgmental spoiled brat attitude with him... Xmas Grin

and the rest of you Enjoy Christmas.... Xmas Smile

StaplesCorner · 16/12/2017 17:04

Both you and your sister are perpetuating this. He behaved like an arse, he remains an arse. Please don't let him ruin your family time - I have no idea why she would want an arse like that in her house, but even so, you will only be under the same roof for a few hours; surely your silly sister can tell him to keep his arsehole ways to himself for that short time?

BewareOfDragons · 16/12/2017 17:08

Why do you and your sister care what your brother thinks of either of you when he's clearly a self centred asshole? Stop tip toeing around him and go see your sister for Christmas. Back each other up if he becomes a massive twat while he's there. Warn his girlfriend off him if he does, too.

ragged · 16/12/2017 17:17

Why is your sister pandering to him?

ForgivenessIsDivine · 16/12/2017 17:22

How long are you going for? In the situation you describe with your brother, I think I would fly out on Christmas day and then wait until he has left before turning up at your sister's house. Would the saving in cost of flights fund an overnight in an AirBnb?

Though my sister would want me there to break up the atmosphere and to have someone to share knowing looks with when he was being an arse and to chew over his behaviour after he had left..

Maelstrop · 16/12/2017 17:22

Don't let him control what you do or spoil your sister's and your Christmas plans. Do what you want. Either he can be pleasant and stop being a twat or he can sod off.

DancesWithOtters · 16/12/2017 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flopjustwantscoffee · 16/12/2017 17:30

Is your brother a sixteenth century king? Him (and his opinions) certainly seem to be being given a lot of importance otherwise...

BerylStreep · 16/12/2017 17:34

You apologised and begged forgiveness for not returning his calls? Wtf?

He is a bully. I agree, never apologise to him again. Go to your sister as planned and don’t engage in his pettiness.

HardHatForTesco · 16/12/2017 17:37

Go and visit your sister - why are you all dancing around him?

diddl · 16/12/2017 17:40

" my brother is clearly going for the free accommodation"

Well if that's how she feels then more fool her for letting him.

She should tell him that you are going for Christmas as usual & he can put up or fuck off.

What's the big deal about him visiting when he said he never would?

He's a shit for ever saying that, not a bloody saint for going!

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