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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my ex to pay for a babysitter when he can’t do “his” weekend

47 replies

Wishingandwaiting · 14/12/2017 21:39

I get on well with my ex. We separated 15 months ago. Divorced 6 months ago.

The children live with me. My ex has the children every other weekend (Saturday am to Sunday mid afternoon). Those weekends are SO important to me as I catch up on housework and general life admin.

He has gone on holiday for two weeks, one covering “his” weekend.

I’m so behind with housework and Christmas bits and pieces. Would it be unreasonable to ask him to stump up cost of sitter for a few hours so i can get my head down?

OP posts:
donners312 · 14/12/2017 21:41

I don't think it's unreasonable but TBH if you otherwise have a good relationship might be worth just sucking it up.

19lottie82 · 14/12/2017 21:42

Erm no Shock would you be happy to pay for one if you ever had to get him to take your DC for an extra night?

Original poster
Wishingandwaiting · 14/12/2017 21:45

19lottie82
He has them two nights a month. So I would rather!

Donner - I think you’re right. I don’t want to rock the boat. Just desperate for some time!

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 14/12/2017 21:45

How old are the dc?
Stick them in front of a dvd and get on with stuff
It won't hurt them .
Or do a reciprocal play date.

Snowman41 · 14/12/2017 21:45

I have heard it all now

Original poster
Wishingandwaiting · 14/12/2017 21:46

4 and 7
They very happily preoccupy themselves. But I just need 3/4 hours to really get stuck in.

Just going to suck it up I think

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 14/12/2017 21:48

The usual wisdom is that he is responsible for arranging child care provision on his contact days/nights. Did he ask you if you could have them, or just tell you he was going away?

BinkyandBunty · 14/12/2017 21:50

I wouldn't give up a chance to spend more time with my kids to do housework!

Happy to push back on the ex's (frequent) requests if I've got plans that are important to me, but if I've got nothing on I'm delighted to have them.

SonicBoomBoom · 14/12/2017 21:51

Of course you wouldn't be unreasonable. He absolutely should pay.

But men like this never cough up. They think you're the default parent and he can drop in and out when it suits him.

Maybe his mum could help him out and DC could sleepover with her on his weekend?

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 14/12/2017 21:51

Get him to do 2weeks on the trot or two extra days giving you a glorious 4 day break

HopeClearwater · 14/12/2017 21:51

Your kids are four and seven? They’ll never be this little again. Enjoy them while you can.

Starryskiesinthesky · 14/12/2017 21:52
Hmm
willstarttomorrow · 14/12/2017 21:53

I get where you are coming from. I am a lone parent with no local family support and any child free time outside of work is precious and filled with trying to get stuff done. It is crap but I think you will have to just suck it up. Just a tip to consider for the future, get them into a good scout unit. Those camps are a bloody sanity saver!

AnaWinter · 14/12/2017 21:56

Hope none of us will ever be as young as we are today so not sure what that has to do with it when it appears the op does the vast majority of childcare.

Original poster
Wishingandwaiting · 14/12/2017 21:57

No family on either side.

He’s a good man. I’m sure he would “cough up”. It’s jusy whether or not I would be unreasonable to ask.

Of course I cherish my time with the children! But it’s a very hectic time of year and I could do with a few hours to get up in the loft, sort out their presents, get the place a really good clean and go through some serious admin.

But I think I’ve concluded that I’ll leave it. Thanks for input

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 14/12/2017 21:58

You would absolutely not be unreasonable to ask.

BinkyandBunty · 14/12/2017 21:59

Can you do most of that list while they're sleeping?

TheSameCoin · 14/12/2017 21:59

No, you wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask at all.

Missythecat · 14/12/2017 22:03

Wtf are these responses? She should enjoy time with her children? I'm sure she does the 90% of the time she mentally and physically parents them. And if he feels like a holiday then that's ok as she should cherish her children. Good God.

I would ask for an alternative weekend back

RadioGaGoo · 14/12/2017 22:03

Definitely get him to do two weeks on the trot to give yourself a nice break. Don't worry, they won't turn into teenagers overnight if you do! Grin

bimbobaggins · 14/12/2017 22:05

Can you not just ask him to do an extra weekend when he gets back? I get where you are coming from but if you have an otherwise good relationship then let it go

becotide · 14/12/2017 22:07

Tell him to have them every other week, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights in a row, picking them up from school on Friday, and taking them to school on Monday. if he needs to use childcare for that weekend, he should pay for it. One overnight a fortnight is literally pathetic. Does he give you 20% of his wages or is that another thing he's skimping you on?

FFS how can he possible bond when he sees so little of them?

Starlight2345 · 14/12/2017 22:10

When is he going away. could he have them one evening before Christmas or at least a day this weekend if he isn't going this weekend?

I get how tough it is. I also agree with the poster, Beavers , cubs have been a lifesaver to me.. No involvement from Ex.

I wouldn't ask though particulary as it is a holiday

QuiteLikeable · 14/12/2017 22:10

Why are we guilt-tripping a single parent who looks after her children for 28 nights in every 30?

Sanctimonious or what? Shock

YellowMakesMeSmile · 14/12/2017 22:11

Why can't you do the house work and presents when they are at school or in bed? You can't be that behind on housework surely as a SAHM?

I wouldn't even think of getting him to pay for a sitter, surely he will have them when he gets back extra?