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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to exchange gifts with DH....

44 replies

cjt110 · 13/12/2017 09:11

on christmas eve after DS has gone to bed?

Our son is 3 and is really getting into the magic of christmas. He loves presents and has been known to "help" others open theirs in the recent future.

As such I thought it might be nice to have some nice food and wine on christmas eve once he's in bed and exchange our gifts. It is also to make the whole of Christmas day and gift giving about him.

WWYD?

OP posts:
sirfredfredgeorge · 13/12/2017 09:13

It's a bit weird to have a day that is all about him opening presents, but you can do it however you want!

Original poster
cjt110 · 13/12/2017 09:15

I suppose I'd like to open my presents in peace without him kicking off trying to open them for me.

OP posts:
MissSueFlay · 13/12/2017 09:17

Personally, I think it's good for the little ones to see that it's not all about them getting presents, but that other people get presents too! When DD was 3 we got her involved in 'choosing' a little present from her to DH and me, so she knows it's not all get-get, it's also give-give too. This year she's 5 and actually thought of something to give DH herself (I have to pay for it of course! Grin)
You can still have some nice food and wine on Christmas Eve, just the two of you

Invisimamma · 13/12/2017 09:19

My children 3 and 7, love to see me opening my gifts, they know Mummy deserves something too. Just explain to 3yr old that he has his gifts, and you have yours Hmm.

whiskyowl · 13/12/2017 09:20

If this would make you feel happier and more relaxed (and give you some enjoyable adult time), do it!!

mumeeee · 13/12/2017 09:23

No I wouldn't do that. When our children were young we all opened our presents together. They had their stocking from Father Christmas first thing which was all about them. Then later on we would open the main presents.
I always found it good thst the children saw that everyone got presents.

jaseyraex · 13/12/2017 09:26

Do it. Me and DH always exchange gifts on Xmas eve, we've done it since before we had kids. We have a few drinks, watch a horror movie and exchange "main" gifts so we've got a little something to open on Xmas day in front of the kids too.

meredintofpandiculation · 13/12/2017 09:27

I've always felt Christmas was about giving rather than receiving. It's lovely to have a quiet Christmas Eve time, and exchange special presents. You could then keep a small present for opening on Christmas Day, and start teaching him the joy of watching someone else open a gift.

DurhamDurham · 13/12/2017 09:27

I know he’s only three but I wouldn’t start to make Christmas all about him, it’ll be good fo him to see you getting presents and opening them. I can understand you washing some peace and space while you open them but I don’t think doing it on Christmas Eve is the right way to go about it.
Our girls loved to watch us exchange and open gifts, they sometimes ‘helped’ but usually they were just happy to be part of it.
Having said all that, if it works for your family then go for it.

swingofthings · 13/12/2017 09:28

It is also to make the whole of Christmas day and gift giving about him.
Surely that's the wrong message to give him. He needs to learn that Christmas is not about him and him only. What's wrong with very gently and kindly say no when he wants to help others open presents and teach him that watching others open their presents is fun too, maybe saying that he can help with one only.

PurpleMinionMummy · 13/12/2017 09:29

Yanbu to want to enjoy some quiet time opening gifts with your dh. Yabu to want to do it because your 3 yo will kick off. He has to learn at some point he can't open others gifts. Do some during the evening and some on xmas day maybe.

AdalindSchade · 13/12/2017 09:30

Do you have any other gifts to open on Christmas Day or just the ones from each other? I don't think it's helpful for him to be the only person opening gifts on Christmas Day tbh but I can see why you would like to exchange gifts in peace. Maybe buy each other a couple of small stocking fillers to wrap under the tree too?

MsHomeSlice · 13/12/2017 09:30

there's a word you can use to dissuade small children from doing things you don't want them to do, it's "No."
You've a fortnight to practise, so do at least try, and it will stand you in good stead going forward for other people and situations.

LucheroTena · 13/12/2017 09:30

I agree kids love to see adults opening presents too. He needs to learn he can only open his own.

LemonysSnicket · 13/12/2017 09:31

Well Father Christmas doesn’t bring adults presents ... so you take a break, after breakfast and you open your gifts from each other and wider family ( he gets you both a gift too with the others help) and he learns about giving as well as receiving. I used to love it when my mum opened her presents , she’d go all sparkly eyed at my dad lol .

But each to their own if you prefer it!

greenjojocat · 13/12/2017 09:31

Maybe it's better to teach him to take turns with the present opening. We've always taken turns with opening and someone hands them out rather than everyone opening all at the same time. My SDD found it weird the first time she was with us for Xmas as she's used to gathering all her presents and opening on her own but this way everyone is taking their time to appreciate things and now she likes to hand out gifts.

Original poster
cjt110 · 13/12/2017 09:34

Ok, thanks for the replies. I dont know about my gifts from DH but he (DH) only has 3 gifts from me.

I dont get paid til 22nd now so I could grab some small token bits on that day but surely, they would be for the sake of it.

I like the idea of DS opening all his first, breakfast then we open ours.

We have another "Christmas Day" on Boxing day with my parents

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 13/12/2017 09:36

MsHomeSlice He does get told no - thanks. No need to be so snarky in your reply. I am struggling with anxiety at the moment and he thought of a meltdown on Christmas morning is the last thing I want.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/12/2017 09:38

Christmas isn’t all about DS surely? It can be geared up for him to have a wonderful day with his parents exchanging gifts too.

Dairymilkmuncher · 13/12/2017 09:39

DP and I often gift each other in private, stuff you wouldn't want children or in laws seeing, it's nice to grab a wee bit of time together.

It's great for kids about three to realise that presents are for other people too and to get used to handing them over as a little helper or gift giver though

Stickerrocks · 13/12/2017 09:39

We always exchanged a single present at midnight on Christmas Day. Then DD decided that she wanted to get in on the act as she had outgrown Santa. A few years ago now she hurtled into our room at midnight and flung herself onto our bed at top speed with an ominous crack. One of the slats snapped and we spent the first 20 minutes of Christmas Day rearranging the remaining slats and remaking the bed. So much for peace & goodwill!

ohlittlepea · 13/12/2017 09:42

Like the sentiment about having special time with your OH.
But dislike the making it all about him/ letting him open all his presents first before anyone else sentiment.
Spoilt monsters are made not born and this seems like a recipie for producing one.

Original poster
cjt110 · 13/12/2017 09:43

GreatDuckCookery I'm just not feeling the christmas cheer this year due to my anxiety and for me, the pleasure will be seeing him have fun.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 13/12/2017 09:43

It is also to make the whole of Christmas day and gift giving about him - that seems a ridiculous idea, Christmas should not be centred around one person - regardless of whether it is a child or not - surely that leads to entitled children who think the world revolves around them and their enjoyment Hmm.

Of course it's fine to have a special meal/drinks/watch a film of your choice etc when your DS has gone to bed but surely it's important to see that adults get presents too?.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/12/2017 09:45

I get the whole thing about him learning that it's not just about him but oh OP that sounds so lovely! Lovely food, a few drinks, candlelight, some Christmassy music...sounds gorgeous to me.