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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to exchange gifts with DH....

44 replies

cjt110 · 13/12/2017 09:11

on christmas eve after DS has gone to bed?

Our son is 3 and is really getting into the magic of christmas. He loves presents and has been known to "help" others open theirs in the recent future.

As such I thought it might be nice to have some nice food and wine on christmas eve once he's in bed and exchange our gifts. It is also to make the whole of Christmas day and gift giving about him.

WWYD?

OP posts:

00100001 · 13/12/2017 09:50

Definitely don't do this if the reason is because he might have a tantrum

Surely he knows to take turns??

I quite like the idea of the two of you having a special Christmas Eve together once little one is in bed, but it should be for the 'right' reasons.

00100001 · 13/12/2017 09:54

He will have fun anyway, whether all the presents are for him or not.

I don't really see the point of letting him open all of his presents first. Surely it will be tough for him to then watch you open yours after breakfast?

Why not... all open one present each before breakfast - he could choose a present to open for himself, one for you and one for Dad. You can then open them in any order you like. Him first if you like, all together.. whatever. That will help him learn that Christmas presents are for everyone.

You can strategically place presents the night before.

Original poster

cjt110 · 13/12/2017 09:54

I just cant face the drama of a kick off. Have just been to the doctors and had my medication increased and changed because of my anxiety.

OP posts:

sundayfeeling · 13/12/2017 09:55

Please don't make the whole day only about him. It's not.
I don't know about your DS but my DC have got really upset in past when they thought I had no presents (I tend to get one or two more expensive things and we often we don't get round to opening them for a bit, while the kids open theirs).

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/12/2017 09:56

Will it make you less anxious if you exchange gifts with DH one day before?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/12/2017 09:58

Can’t face the drama of a kick off? From Ds? Why would he kick off?

Original poster

cjt110 · 13/12/2017 09:59

I think our plan is to get him to "write" his list to father christmas on Christmas Eve and put it under the tree (We've got photos of the things he's asked for and we have got for him to stick on his letter). Get him to put his stocking and father christmas key out then settle him to bed. Nice food and wine etc once he's in bed and lay out all of the gifts/his stocking.

Our room is upstairs and his is downstairs. He has to come through the lounge to come up to us. I'm concerned I suppose about him seeing his presents too. Last year we put a camp bed next to our bed and brought him up to us when we went to bed. Left his stocking on his campbed and enjoyed the stocking opening before we went down.

I'm putting far too much thought into this.... fuck off please anxiety

OP posts:

CPtart · 13/12/2017 10:00

Children need to learn they are part of a bigger picture and it's not all about them, especially as he one day might have siblings? He's a perfect age to start.
It would be nice for you to swap personal gifts with DH once he's in bed, but absolutely your DS should see you both swap gifts with each other and others on xmas day too without his "help". Don't let your anxiety give him his own way due to fear of meltdowns, you'll be doing him no favours in the long run.

LagunaBubbles · 13/12/2017 10:02

Surely it only takes a few minutes to open gifts? Nice meal etc sounds great on Christmas Eve but Christmas morning then would feel a bit of an anti climax for me regarding your own presents. Me and DH dont open ours until our kids have well and truly opened everything!

Original poster

cjt110 · 13/12/2017 10:02

GreatDuckCookery I think it would because our gifts would be exchanged and out of the way. My son is lovely but is very hard work and demanding. We've tried no end of things to try and ease it. I might be making a mountain out of a molehill and all will be fine but the thought of arguing and kicking off on Christmas morning just makes me sad

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/12/2017 10:10

Ok OP. You’re obviously feeling very overwhelmed and imagining something that might not happen. Do what you think is best this year. Hope you start to feel better soon.

whiskyowl · 13/12/2017 10:12

I don't think you need to justify this to any of us. I'm sure there are other ways and means of teaching your child that the world doesn't centre around him, and other years to do that in. If doing things this way makes it easier for you at a difficult time, do it.

frenchknitting · 13/12/2017 10:16

I think you are over thinking it. As a 3 year old, he'll likely kick off 20 times between now and Xmas - once more on Xmas day will make no difference.

One of the things I'm most looking forward to about Xmas is my 3 year olds excitement about giving the gifts he chose to his dad and brother. But it's almost guaranteed he will have a melt down at some point in he day. It's so overwhelming for them.

If I was you, I would

exchange 1 present with DH on Xmas eve
stop imagining a perfect day
just take the day as it comes, with no pressure on yourself
encourage him to take time opening presents, playing with each one, and you and DH relax while he does so.

Deemail · 13/12/2017 10:21

If it's going to ease your anxiety I think you should go for it.
Your Christmas eve plans sound lovely and relaxed.
You can show your gifts to ds the next morning or even pop them in a gift bag and pretend to be opening them.

Yes your son needs to learn to allow other people to open their gifts but he's 3 one Christmas not seeing you open gifts won't kill him.
In this case the benefit to your mental health supersedes everything else.

mellowout · 13/12/2017 10:21

Do it! Do what suits your family, there is no right or wrong way to when you open your gifts! What a lot of nonsense I have just read on here! We do this every year as on Christmas morning there is not the same time to enjoy opening our gifts as well. Also my son has autism so it works out better all round. Keep one gift back to open on the morning if it matters so much. Enjoy your peaceful present opening on Christmas Eve, I know I will.

MissSueFlay · 13/12/2017 10:34

I think one of the most helpful things you could do is try not to build Christmas Day up to be something uber-perfect like the sparkly things on the tv. It's just another day, and you'll be setting yourself up for disappointment if it doesn't match the picture in your head. If your DS tantrums regularly (and he's only 3 so it's expected) then he's just as likely to do it on Christmas Day as any other.
I do think that aiming for this ideal, perfect, Christmas Day can cause so much pressure. It's very unhelpful and not at all what Christmas is about.

Peachypossum · 13/12/2017 10:38

Ah Op, I'm sorry you have having a tough time, anxiety is an awful thing. I suffer over some very odd stuff and my DH gets so confused as its just normal, day to day not scary in the slightest stuff!

I think your idea is lovely, I would spilt it in two like PP have said. I would do a romantic Christmas Eve gift exchange, little bit of wine, nice food and almost a 'date'. We all need a bit of couple time and romance and Christmas is the perfect time to share this. I would then have several smaller gifts for the adults under the tree too (Just little things) and make a bit of a fuss about everyone receiving and a gentle reminder that not all the gifts are his to open. I wouldn't get too caught up with the fact he wants to open them all, I would let him help personally but be firm that the gift is not for him. At this age I don't even think they think it is all for them, they just get excited with the unwrapping and wanting to see whats hidden in side.

Lots of 'Whats mummy got from Daddy' and 'oh lucky daddy, what did he get' etc. Just reinforcing the divide between his gift and others without turning it into a telling off, stern no etc. He's 3, this happens once a year (or twice with Boxing Day) and its exciting and overwhelming. He is still learning and he has many years to sit quietly whilst others open their gifts. Mine used to help unwrap at that age, both now older teens and neither are spoilt monsters, they both now love getting presents for others and get quite excited to give them.

I really hope the med change and Dr visit will help you feel better, hope you all have a lovely Christmas.

Original poster

cjt110 · 13/12/2017 10:40

Thanks Peachy. Anxiety really is a fucker and I hate that it's casting a shadow over this.

I take on board your comments too SueFlay

OP posts:

PurpleMinionMummy · 13/12/2017 11:02

What MissSueflay said. Most Christmas' with young kids are stressful at some point. Normally because Mum/Dad has to spend 5 years opening a box, breaking the plastic ties, digging out various bits and finding a sodding screwdriver to unscrew toys from blinking boxes whilst the child asks every 2 seconds if they're done yet in a race to see who can hold their shit together the longest

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