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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send this message?

52 replies

GlitterFart · 11/12/2017 21:24

(Posting my first thread in AIBU, yes I am feeling brave)

A very close friend of my DP has just become a dad (about 3 weeks ago), I have met him and his partner around 5 times over the course of a few years. Always got on well with both of them and look forward to spending time with them.

Recently went round to see the new baby and drop present off and got talking to DP’s friends partner, we have common interests and she is nice, funny etc. Seems like she is struggling with having a newborn, no time to shower or eat etc as she has an unputdownable baby, my AIBU is would it be weird of me to message her offering some adult company and someone to hold baby/make some food so she can shower and nap? I would be happy to do this as I have the time, but don’t want to impose or seem intrusive!

P.s she has no family locally if this makes a difference.

OP posts:
Tinselistacky · 11/12/2017 21:25

Likely she will bite your hand off!!
Send the message!!

toolonglurking · 11/12/2017 21:26

Oh god do it! I'd have killed for someone like you when I had my DS. Just say what you've said above, be friendly - I hope she takes you up on it!

Pengggwn · 11/12/2017 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reflexella · 11/12/2017 21:26

Yes how lovely of you, please send it x

chocolateorangeowls · 11/12/2017 21:26

As someone with a young baby I would say yes!

mumof2sarah · 11/12/2017 21:27

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I'd have loved to have had a message like that. Obviously not making her feel like she's struggling just be like you had a lovely time when you visited to see the baby and you'd love to make it more of a regular thing, maybe have a coffe and then say if she ever needs anything you're there, even if it's just a sitter well she has some her time x

CocoLoco87 · 11/12/2017 21:27

Definitely do it! What a lovely thing to offer! She can always politely decline if she feels awkward about it but at least she knows the offer is there. You sound like a lovely friend Smile

ohfourfoxache · 11/12/2017 21:28

Definitely do it - and take cake or biscuits with you for even more points!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 11/12/2017 21:28

That’s sweet ! Text her and if she puts you off don’t take it persoballly x

VladmirsPoutine · 11/12/2017 21:29

Yes that would be lovely. Even if she doesn't take you up on the offer it will almost certainly be wonderful for her to know that you do care and are offering practical support should she choose to take you up on it.

As a side note, good thing you mentioned that you are friends, I'm almost 100% certain that should you have been posting as her MiL you'd be in for very different responses Wink

HildaZelda · 11/12/2017 21:29

Definitely send it. She may not take you up on it, but it's a lovely offer.

ohcecelia · 11/12/2017 21:30

You sound lovely - send the message x

londonrach · 11/12/2017 21:31

Please do that. Id have loved someone to helped whilst i slept. Thank god for my mil.

londonrach · 11/12/2017 21:32

Ohfour..pity mn doesnt have a like button....id be liking your post!!!!

mistermagpie · 11/12/2017 21:33

God do it!! People were so helpful when I had DS1 but when I had DS2 I didn't see anyone for dust. I had two under two, so it was quite hard sometimes and I would have bitten somebody's hand off if they had offered me even half an hour to shower and have a cup of tea in peace.

Bluntness100 · 11/12/2017 21:36

Do it, but don’t send your op asking if she fancies a shower or a nap, she’ll think she stinks and looks knackered.

Send something like, hey how are you doing, fancy some company, I’m at a total loose end and happy to proverbially hold the baby whilst you have some me time, or even happy to make you lunch!

She might put you off as she will see it as hosting, if she does, don’t take it personally.

Dozer · 11/12/2017 21:36

I would contact her and just offer to pop over to see her / meet up sometime with the baby, and not make the offer of holding the baby so she can shower, sleep etc: she doesn’t know you well and might interpret it that you think she’s not managing well.

MummyMummyMummyyyy · 11/12/2017 21:39

Definitely do it!

Dozer · 11/12/2017 21:43

I don’t think many of the mums I know would actually be comfortable to accept offers to hold the baby in order to sleep or shower, except perhaps from a very close friend or family member.

I personally would just have appreciated low key company.

MikeUniformMike · 11/12/2017 21:45

Yes definitely. Offer to pop round for a natter and see how it goes.

Justaboy · 11/12/2017 21:47

Go on offer hsome help if its like my DD2 with A new nipper she'd bite your hand off;!

mummmy2017 · 11/12/2017 21:48

Maybe you can arrange to go round again with your DP, then make the offer to her in person, to meet up, or for her to come round to your house sometime..

If she seems ok with the idea, set a date that she can do, as I don't visit people on spec, but will go if they do a more formal arrangement.

BrizzleDrizzle · 11/12/2017 21:53

I think she'll be delighted.

manicinsomniac · 11/12/2017 21:53

Why would you not send this? I don't get your AIBU Confused

Practicallyperfectwithprosecco · 11/12/2017 21:59

I was on my own with dd1 and bit the hand off anyone who offered to watch her so I could shower in peace!