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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Scared to drive

36 replies

Jmarie59 · 07/12/2017 23:23

So basically I passed my test in September and got a car lees than a week ago. When collecting my car I had to drive back home which was over an hour by myself (however following a friend infront). I was so so scared.

I am really scared to drive my car. I have been going out in the late evening when there have been no cars about. When I think about getting in my car my stomach turns and I feel sick. I work two hours away from my home (by bus) and I can't pluck up the confidence to drive to work or even during the day.

I'm just wondering does it get easier? Has anyone else experienced this? I feel really down to the point I'm wishing I hadn't bought a car.

Thank you.

OP posts:

RunningOutOfCharge · 07/12/2017 23:28

I used to be the same! It does pass,yes

Keep going out in your car. You'll get over it

Original poster

Jmarie59 · 07/12/2017 23:30

Thank you!

OP posts:

Craftylittlething · 07/12/2017 23:31

It gets easier, I think you don’t really learn to drive until you’ve passed your test and have a car. Everything in life takes practice, just go out every day and practice.

ginorwine · 07/12/2017 23:32

You can do it
It gives you immense freedom !
Maybe plan to go to some places near and further that you love - have a cake and a jolly
Then you will start to associate the drive with rewards and good times ...💐

Sparklingbrook · 07/12/2017 23:32

I passed my test and was too scared to drive to work the next day so got the train as usual.
I then did the work trip v early on a Sunday morning just to try it, and then started driving to work. The more practice you get the better it will be.

happylantern · 07/12/2017 23:33

I was the exact same! You'll get there, keep persevering.

DorisDangleberry · 07/12/2017 23:33

Down a few gins. A bit of Dutch courage always helps

ginorwine · 07/12/2017 23:34

Also make friends with your car
I mean put a nice cushion or something in
Take a friend out
All to dissociate from fear and replace with small buildable positives that will get more and more strong over time .

ginorwine · 07/12/2017 23:35

Rescue remedy from holland and barret calms the nerves too

Tink06 · 07/12/2017 23:36

Is there anyone who can go out with you for a while? My daughter has recently past her test and gets really nervous on her own still. Keep practising at quiet times. Could you do the work run on a Sunday to get used to it?

StripeyDeckchair · 07/12/2017 23:36

Would it help to have a lesson or two with your instructor in your car?
Drive the route to work & other places you'll want to drive to. Do some motorway driving.

ByThePowerOfRa · 07/12/2017 23:38

I just passed in June and bought a car a few months ago. I still hate driving to new places tbh and still haven’t driven on the motorway or at night since I passed! BUT, I definitely don’t get the fear before every car journey anymore. I’m actually quite confident now and not a bad driver.

elephantoverthehill · 07/12/2017 23:38

Doris I was so nervous before my motorbike test my DM offered me a brandy and then said 'Oh no you can't have drink because it is before 11 am'.

Carolwithane · 07/12/2017 23:40

I used Rescue Remedy. I don't know if it actually did help or was all in my head but always felt calmer and more confident with it

I passed my driving test first time but was 37 at the time and lsck of confidence was a huge factor! Build yourself up gradually and don't be too hard on yourself - everyone makes mistakes

Good luck

TheWickerWoman · 07/12/2017 23:40

I was exactly the same apart from I hadn’t driven my first car alone for an hour when I first got it, it takes balls to do that when you’ve first passed.

Keep going, it’ll get easier and less scary, what you’re feeling is totally normal.

DorisDangleberry · 07/12/2017 23:41

You could always get really stoned. Then you just drive everywhere at about 5mph, using the kerb to steer. The downside is you can only turn left

Tigger001 · 07/12/2017 23:46

I was exactly the same and I used to go to the loo for a nervous wee about 10 times before leaving the house (sorry if tmi ) If I was going somewhere new I would have to do street view to see where i could park, what all the roads were like on route...but it really does pass, so try and persevere and it will fly by to when you don't even think and just jump in and off you pop

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 07/12/2017 23:47

I passed my test last week and was petrified at first. I have no choice but to drive for work and already noticing a difference in my confidence out there on my own. You will feel better after a while.

BakedBeans47 · 07/12/2017 23:48

The time of year doesn’t help when the weather is crap and it’s so dark. Remember why you wanted to drive and have a car, and keep practising. It’ll come :)

bakingcupcakes · 07/12/2017 23:48

It got easier for me although the anxiety comes back at any mention of adverse weather. Currently worrying myself sick about having to drive in the snow & ice forecast this weekend. I passed my test 8 years ago!

Original poster

Jmarie59 · 07/12/2017 23:51

Thanks everyone.

I think my fear is everyone beeping at me when I stall (which I do a lot as I'm very heavy footed). When I drove in lessons and my test I was very confident. I don't know what changed.

OP posts:

MikeUniformMike · 07/12/2017 23:54

Ignore the silly suggestions.

Keep going out. Make an excuse to go somewhere in the car. Go at least once a week, ideally every day or two. Get a friend to go with you on a day out in the car e.g. to out-of-town shopping outlet or something.

Well done on passing your test.

MsHopey · 07/12/2017 23:56

I used to drive a little 50cc moped to work!. It was cold, small and slow. When I was learning to drive I brought myself a cheap car that my FIL collected for me, the day I passed my test I brought my car insurance. I had work that evening at 6, meaning I'd have to drive in rush hour traffic (retail shift work). I begged my husband to let me drive my moped to work, even with the £2,000 yearly car insurance I had just paid. I was so scared! But you just have to get on the horse, and keep doing it until you're less scared. They wouldn't have passed you if you weren't safe. Try and enjoy it! And honestly, I don't like driving now, too many knobs on the road, but ive never had an accident and it's so much better than the bus.

skunkrat · 08/12/2017 00:00

OP I passed my test ten years before I started to drive properly - I was bastard terrified and would avoid driving at all costs. I’ve not read the full thread but when I got pregnant I knew I needed to drive so forced myself. I swore I wouldn’t drive on motorways - now I drive up and down country and can hand in heart say I don’t know why I was so afraid - go for it be brave

Cowardlycustard2 · 08/12/2017 00:01

I could have written your post I was totally terrified to drive after passing my test. I took some advanced driving courses which really helped. Funny enough it was my instructor that suggested the rescue remedy to me as well. It really helped I don’t know how it works! Just practice practice practice. The more you do the better it will be. Something that I learned on the advanced driving course was a technique to drive defensively which involves constantly monitoring the road conditions and spotting any potential hazards whilst speaking aloud about them to yourself. For example “ approaching a roundabout, motorcycle to my left, lorry to rear, reduce speed”.. it sounds ridiculous and you do feel a bit daft at first speaking to yourself however it’s a really good technique because it totally focuses you on the here and now and what is happening on the road. You don’t have time to worry about anything as you are too busy! I am a good driver now but still sometimes use the “technique” if I am getting stressed in awful traffic or something. Keep going and you will be fine, it might take a bit longer but you will get there

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