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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nativity sharing..

48 replies

Nosleepmakesmetired · 05/12/2017 15:06

Totally prepared to be told I abu

I took a short video if my dd1's appearance in her first nativity today. It's obviously got other children in (one either side of her) i wasnt the only person recording BTW, every parent did.

I have a private facebook with only family members on it.. Not all of them have mobiles for sharing it via What s app etc. I don't have any of the parents from school as friends. I've had a look at apps to crop the video but can't find one.

Would ibu to share to to my family on facebook. It's literally only family on this account which I use for sharing pictures of dd1 and dd2

What does the hive mind Think?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2017 15:10

No it's not OK. You have no idea if one of those children has very serious reasons for not being in a video. Life threatening reasons.

Did the school tell you not to video or not to share?

RestingGrinchFace · 05/12/2017 15:15

What if one of your family members is a peado? It's really not ok. I wouldn't want strangers seeing a video of my child.

BrokenBattleDroid · 05/12/2017 15:17

What have the school said about safeguarding etc?

Facebook is not the place if you want to keep stuff actually private, even if you use the message function - they own the stuff you post or message once you've put it on there. Plus if the accounts of those you've shared with (or yours) get hacked then the video is out there. Unlikely to cause problems? Yes. Email is a lot more secure though so I would use that for something you don't want to risk going public. But is mainly about whether the school allowed the video in the first place.

MrsU88 · 05/12/2017 15:19

We're told at every play and nativity to not share any photos or videos on fbor social media which have other children in them.

we have children at school who are "looked after" in foster care, I also have a friend who is hiding from an abusive ex.... you never know who knows who. And all these family have to do is accidentally click "share", or sometimes pressing "Like" and their friends can see.... I have had posts pop up of random people I dont know saying "bob smith liked this photo".

How about sending via email and telling them NOT to share?

Original poster
Nosleepmakesmetired · 05/12/2017 15:19

The school said we could video as long as it didn't go beyond family.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2017 15:24

The school said we could video as long as it didn't go beyond family. That wording is odd. What did they actually say? The actual wording.

There are hundreds of parents, therefore thousands of 'family'. So about 10-20 of 'family' will be sexually attracted to children. Then there's the violent exes and the stalkers and everyone else.

You know that in a few years, you'll be complaining that you have been asked not to video. And it will be caused by people doing what you want to do.

DontCallMeJohnBoy · 05/12/2017 15:24

Nosleep, the issue is if your family ignore that and post it more widely. What can you do to reign it back in if your MIL reposts the video on her Facebook wall?

jay55 · 05/12/2017 15:25

Once it’s there someone from your family with more lax privacy settings could share it or post it elsewhere.

Sirzy · 05/12/2017 15:26

Our school are always very clear that videos and photos containing other children can’t be shared

Zoomaa · 05/12/2017 15:30

Depends what the school rules are but on a private family Facebook, depending how many members, I think it's fine.

I would put nativity video on my private family group without question

Zoomaa · 05/12/2017 15:33

If the school says you can video then it's fine - it's their liability if it gets spread further

DontFundHate · 05/12/2017 15:35

Absolutely being unreasonable. You have no idea if the other children are under SS / anything about their history.

DontFundHate · 05/12/2017 15:35

Even if you only have family on FB it is too easily shared. Just show them the video on your phone when you see them in person

TeenTimesTwo · 05/12/2017 15:36

If they said no social media / online then that means not even your facebook.

My children don't appear online due to safeguarding reasons. If my child happened to be next to yours I'd be pretty unhappy.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/12/2017 15:37

You mustn't share video of other people's kids on social media. That's all there is to it.

PumpkinSquash · 05/12/2017 15:38

No, I wouldn't be OK with this. Put your own children up by all means, but you don't get to decide whether other children get to be published on social media.
I put pictures of mine on, but would never any that had other children in the background in any way.
It's common courtesy. Something that's sadly lacking nowadays.

poddige · 05/12/2017 15:41

I appreciate you are proud of your DC and wanted to share.

However I sat behind someone at the Harvest festival who filmed their DC throughout. Just so happens their child was sat next to mine, and I watched as they happily filmed my little girl dressed as a pumpkin for 30 mins.

Obviously am sure this is innocent, and nothing will come of this, and school say it’s ok: However, this just doesn’t sit right with me.

You were totally unreasonable to put this on Facebook.

Rachie1973 · 05/12/2017 15:41

We have a 'closed' family group page, with the understanding that everything on it is for our eyes only.

Since they are my immediate family I trust them implicitly and we share on that page/

SeptimusClaw · 05/12/2017 15:42

Not OK

poddige · 05/12/2017 15:42

*would be.

Original poster
Nosleepmakesmetired · 05/12/2017 15:45

I haven't put it on facebook... Please read what I wrote properly. I know it's a safeguarding issue. I don't see all of my family. Some are in Australia some in America. Some don't have mobile phones etc it's a private profile with 8 friends. None of them share or like any of the images or videos I post as they know I don't want anybody seeing what they are liking when it comes to my dds.

I get it. Won't be posting it. Will have to find another way of sharing with them.

👍👍 have asked mn to remove this because knowing how this place goes the insults will start soon enough and that's just pointless..

Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nosleepmakesmetired · 05/12/2017 15:45

Cross post poddige. Apologies

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 05/12/2017 15:49

You can't or at least shouldn't be able to ask MN to delete a thread just because you think insults will soon start!

As far as I can see people have answered your post fairly. You asked about whether it would be OK to post on a private facebook. You were generally told no, you have accepted it.

All sorted, no issue. Smile

This thread is useful for other parents to see as it may help them think twice too.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2017 15:50

If the school says you can video then it's fine - it's their liability if it gets spread further

Do people really only care about legal liability? Rather than social responsibility and care for others.

Ellie56 · 05/12/2017 15:55

I am surprised the school allowed videoing/photography at all. In the school where I used to work it was absolutely forbidden.