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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nativity sharing..

48 replies

Nosleepmakesmetired · 05/12/2017 15:06

Totally prepared to be told I abu

I took a short video if my dd1's appearance in her first nativity today. It's obviously got other children in (one either side of her) i wasnt the only person recording BTW, every parent did.

I have a private facebook with only family members on it.. Not all of them have mobiles for sharing it via What s app etc. I don't have any of the parents from school as friends. I've had a look at apps to crop the video but can't find one.

Would ibu to share to to my family on facebook. It's literally only family on this account which I use for sharing pictures of dd1 and dd2

What does the hive mind Think?

OP posts:

OlennasWimple · 05/12/2017 15:56

"Don't share beyond family" means it's OK to email it to your family and it's OK to show it to your family, but don't play it for Mrs Miggins who you see every Tuesday at Sainsburys and don't FFS post it on Facebook.

Hillarious · 05/12/2017 15:56

Invite the close family round to watch it on your computer. I wouldn't have a problem with my DC being in your video, but you have to respect other people's wishes with regard to their children.

We have to learn to stop sharing everything on social media. As a pp said, it just takes one person to put something, whether it's a photo, video or comment, beyond your own privacy settings and you've no control over where it's circulated, in what context it might be shared or what assumptions might be made about you and yours and any bystanders included.

trumptown · 05/12/2017 15:57

School should be asking that parents do not post anything on social media. If you want to share it with grandparents etc then email it to them privately or have a private WhatsApp group.

Having said that, if you share on FB, and one of your friends then tries to share it to their FB friends, I don't think FB allows it to be seen by anyone not in the original friend list. As long as you have the privacy settings set to "Friends" and not "Public".

Rachie1973 · 05/12/2017 15:57

We can buy a DVD of the performance from the school,

PeapodBurgundy · 05/12/2017 16:03

OP could you possibly save the video into a zipped file, then email it to them as an attachment? That way they couldstill see, without it being posted on social media.

We don't share pictures of DS online, so I'd be upset at the filming in itsself, but surely if there were children invloved without photo consent, the school would have said no to filming full stop?

TheFirstMrsDV · 05/12/2017 16:05

Its up to you. No one can stop you.
I am not worried about peados seeing a video of my child singing Little Donkey.
I have been very worried in the past that DC's birth mum will see a video including school uniform and other identifying details and turn up at school with latest bloke.
And if you knew birth mum you would be worried about that too. Not just for my DC but for yours if they went to the same school.

The trouble is that those you least want to find you and your children are generally those with the most time and motivation to put the effort into finding you. Violet men, birth parents, abusive family members.

I understand why you would want to share the video and I sympathise. Given my experiences I never, ever share anything unless other children are unrecognisable.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2017 16:06

Google 'how my child became a meme' and read the HuffPo article. That's why you don't share without express permission (even then I believe).

Coconutspongexo · 05/12/2017 16:07

What phone do you have? Most phones allow you to crop videos without an app now

Mia1415 · 05/12/2017 16:11

To be honest in your situation I don't see a problem with it. Its a private profile with 8 people on it, most of whom look to be not even in the UK. As long as you make it clear they are not to copy it/ share it etc I don't really see the problem.

Hebenon · 05/12/2017 16:17

If it is too big to email, try something like Dropbox which will allow you to share a link to the video.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2017 16:18

As long as you make it clear they are not to copy it/ share it etc I don't really see the problem.

The problem with that logic is... The school made it clear it wasn't to be shared on social media. But you do. You tell people not to share. But you did already so clearly you are aware that people don't do what you tell them. So one of the family shares with Mabel, her mate, because Mabel won't share, because she tells her not to. Mabel has terrible privacy and her son Bob sees it. He sees one of the children picking their nose, hahahahaha. He shares and then it's a meme. Oops, it was a looked after child.

Because the only control you have is to not share in the first place.

TheFirstMrsDV · 05/12/2017 16:18

Friend of mine shared a short clip of here adorable but highly camp DS on FB. It was a fantastic clip of him dancing. So fantastic that her friends shared it and it got picked up by Buzz Feed and went viral.

She was horrified. DS started being hailed as some sort of LGBT poster boy despite not identifying as gay or queer or anything.

It happened in about an hour from posting.

Coconutspongexo · 05/12/2017 16:24

Is it possible to set Facebook so that people can’t share and only certain friends can see?

MiaowTheCat · 05/12/2017 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hillarious · 05/12/2017 16:35

Is it possible to set Facebook so that people can’t share and only certain friends can see?

But then your friends download it . . .

Zoomaa · 05/12/2017 16:36

But it's not friends - it's family and school have said fine to share with family.

FluffyNinja · 05/12/2017 16:40

Our primary school posts every bloody thing on Facebook. I'm guessing that none of the current parents (who use fb) have any issues with that.

TeenTimesTwo · 05/12/2017 16:50

Our primary school posts every bloody thing on Facebook. I'm guessing that none of the current parents (who use fb) have any issues with that.

I bet that they actually check that all shown children have been given permission to be shown by their parents in the general permission forms signed at the start of the year / on enrolment.

Unless you are looking you wouldn't notice that somehow Child X is somehow never actually in their social media posts...

Lizzie48 · 05/12/2017 16:50

Definitely not ok!! My DDs are adopted and I wouldn't want anyone sharing videos online that have my DDs in them. If you want to share DVDs use WhatsApp or email.

trumptown · 05/12/2017 17:10

Dippingmytoesin if you have your privacy settings turned on to Friends only (not Public) anyone on your friends list can share the video BUT I don't think anyone can see it unless they are also your Friend i.e. only the people that you originally intended to see it can see it. Of course if you post everything publicly then you have no control.

I'm not sure whether you can choose to download your FB friends videos to a device or not. You can do that with photos. If it's possible to do it with videos too, then of course they could download it and repost it somewhere.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 05/12/2017 17:47

Ugh. Why couldn't you and the other parents actually watch your children instead of gawking through your phones?

Katedotness1963 · 05/12/2017 18:01

I have my FB set to friends only and I still wouldn't share anything that had someone else's child in it. I had a great picture of my boys and their friends last year, I asked permission from the friends parents to share it and one never replied, so I didn't share it.

Jonsey79 · 05/12/2017 18:55

I'm glad you're not going to video and share the video op. I've been a teacher for a very long time and am really surprised that the school have sanctioned sharing with family. This is an absolutely standard no no across my whole LA for all the reasons mentioned.

I hope mnhq leave the thread up because it's a useful reminder to people at this time of the year.

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