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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not allow my 13yo to vape?

37 replies

Nipplesunited · 04/12/2017 13:59

I have taken yet another vape off of him this morning.
He smokes cigarettes off his mates as well.
He claims the vape helps him not smoke, and his friends are allowed to use them.
Only i cant for the life of me find any part of myself that even agrees slightly to showing any kind of encouragement.

The school got him a prescription for smoking patches. He used them for two days, got bored of them and was smoking again.
He has no intention of stopping.

He gets no money from me so i have no idea where he is getting them from

OP posts:
SylviaTietjens · 04/12/2017 14:02

Can you ground him and then make sure he doesn’t smoke in the house? Where does he say he gets the money for cigarettes from?

And of course yanbu to not want a 13 yo vaping!

Angrybird345 · 04/12/2017 14:05

The school gave him smoking patches..... really?!

Just ground him and take his money away.

hellsbellsmelons · 04/12/2017 14:06

Hell no.
Just have a google of 'popcorn lung'
I smoked at a young age but I made sure my parents had no idea.
I'd not be happy but I've no idea what you can do about it.
He will find a way.

RestingGrinchFace · 04/12/2017 14:06

Just never let him leave the house again?

Original poster
Nipplesunited · 04/12/2017 14:09

Grounding is a tough one. Its not something that really works with him. Ive told him to go for walks and stuff if hes struggling with anger - it helps him. He doesnt smoke cigarettes in the house, but vapes in his bedroom without me knowing.

His friends seem to supply him with these things.
I stopped all pocket money due to all of this ages ago. Never started it again for many reasons

OP posts:
Strokethefurrywall · 04/12/2017 14:09

Popcorn lung is utter bollocks (FYI) and if he's already addicted to smoking, the dangers won't even bother him.

Where is he getting the money to buy vapes? Or cigarettes? Ground him, take money away - over Christmas ground him again.

At the very least, not hanging out with his mates means he won't be smoking.

petitdonkey · 04/12/2017 14:09

I haven't had this yet but had a recent dinner table conversation with my children where I told them if they started to smoke or vape I would withdraw all funding from them - pocket money, clubs etc. I can't stop them if they decide to do it but I won't pay for it. (I smoked when I was younger and still do sometimes, I wouldnt wish it on anyone to start)

Strokethefurrywall · 04/12/2017 14:10

Sorry x-post.

petitdonkey · 04/12/2017 14:11

Sorry - x posted, I see that you don't give him any money.

Do you pay for his phone? X Box account? Try changing the wifi password???

crazycatgal · 04/12/2017 14:15

If it's a certain friend giving him cigarettes can you speak to their parents and explain that you don't want their child giving cigarettes to yours?

Nicolamarlow1 · 04/12/2017 14:16

Perhaps you need to have a conversation with him about stopping smoking. The vast majority of capers are, like myself, ex smokers, who use vaping as a way of quitting cigarettes. If he wants to stop smoking then vaping will help him to do it. ( I haven't smoked for almost 4 years and have no desire to do so). He can then, if he wishes, reduce his nicotine levels until he gets to zero nicotine, then he can stop vaping as well.

Original poster
Nipplesunited · 04/12/2017 14:16

Wifi and stuff are removed due to his school refusal.
I just sometimes wonder if im the only one who doesnt allow their child to vape since they all seem to be doing it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nipplesunited · 04/12/2017 14:19

Nichola -he keeps saying that if i dont want him smoking cigarettes then i should let him vape. Only he vapes whatever his friends give him.
I cant imagine myself buying him the stuff and supplying him to vape.
Sometimes it seems like the better option but it just feels too wrong iykwim

OP posts:
Welshmaenad · 04/12/2017 14:20

Well, would you rather he smoked cigarettes then?

I took up smoking in my teens. It wasn't until I discovered vaping in my mid thirties that I could truly say I kicked the fags for good.

I wouldn't want my children to just take up vaping - but if they'd started smoking I'd be far happier with them vaping as a cessation aid than continuing get to smoke.

Do you actually know much about vaping? Perhaps reading up on it, debunking myths (like 'popcorn lung' and all the other shit that I'll informed people spout about it) might be useful? Agree some rules and parameters - where he can vape and what starting nicotine strength he's on and how he aims to reduce that to eventually also quit vaping?

tampinfuminragin · 04/12/2017 14:20

I would let him vape if he's going to smoke.

I wouldn't be happy but I believe vaping is the lesser of 2 evils.

crazycatgal · 04/12/2017 14:21

A lot of young teenagers are vaping because they think it looks cool, not in order to stop smoking.

Strokethefurrywall · 04/12/2017 14:23

At this point I think you need to focus on school refusal rather than his vaping, which is at least the lesser of 2 evils...

RavingRoo · 04/12/2017 14:24

Get him volunteer work at a hospice. It took working with people dying of smoking related lung cancer to get my cousin to stop.

Caulk · 04/12/2017 14:25

Are his friends the same age? Do you know any of their families (ie you’ve been fiends with the parents since reception) and could you ask them about their child vaping. Would be good to know if it’s just him or all of them

Queeniebed · 04/12/2017 14:27

I had to look up popcorn lung

Squeegle · 04/12/2017 14:28

I wouldn't worry about the vaping. My son says it calms him, and I would a million times rather he caped than smoked. What is the problem with vaping?

Somethingfantastic89 · 04/12/2017 14:31

One of DD's classmates is allowed to vape by her parents so she can quit smoking. She's 14. According to DD (though they're not very close so it's mostly hearsay) this is working well for this girl.
I don't know how I would feel about one of my children vaping, and I'm an ex-smoker/current vaper. But like someone said, if he's already taken up smoking, he might be addicted to it and no punishment will actually help. You can take away his money etc but at the same time, maybe allow him to vape to see if it helps him quit. You'll need some form of reassurance that he's not smoking too though.
It's so tricky OP. Thoughts are with you Flowers

LordSugarWillSeeYouNow · 04/12/2017 14:31

I have an almost 15 year old with a large group of friends, male and female and this is not a thing for any of them.
Ds is extremely honest and open with me ( too much for my own liking sometimes! ) and detests smoking.

I myself smoke, his dad doesn't. I smoke outside.

If the school have given him patches then there is clearly a big vaping/smoking problem within the area.

We live in one of the most deprived boroughs in the whole country and I've never seen a young person vaping and am quite shocked at it ( genuinely am and not being goady at all )

Vape kits are bloody expensive, I've had a few. How did he buy these? Are his friends new?

I would be worrying that smoking will lead to other stuff, talking from my own experiences here.

I honestly don't know the answer but I hope you resolve it, you sound like a lovely mum.

Somethingfantastic89 · 04/12/2017 14:33

LordSugar Dispoable e-cigs are around £6, and I'm sure there are cheaper (and more dangerous ones) out there.