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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lie ins

51 replies

LoopyLou1981 · 03/12/2017 07:41

My dh and I have 2 small children. About 50% of the time we all get up together at the weekends (the dc wake up somewhere between 6am and 7am) but occasionally one or the other requests a lie in.
Ages ago a ‘lie in’ was agreed at anything up to 10am. Before mine, I usually enjoy a couple of glasses of wine and go to bed around 11ish. My dh tends go on w but of a drinking binge and stay up listening to music (with headphones on) until the early hours.
He’s now arguing that him getting up at 10am isn’t a lie in because it’s still only 8 hours sleep (or less) which is the same as he’d get on a normal night and that he should be allowed to sleep until midday. My argument is that a ‘lie in’ is 10am, if he wants to stay up late that’s his problem!
Who’s bu?!x

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopyLou1981 · 03/12/2017 07:41

*a bit (stupid phone!)

OP posts:
Anatidae · 03/12/2017 07:43

He is.

Dh and I give each other a lie in once a week unless we have a specific reason to bothe be up. He was up last night gaming with his mates. He will be up in an hour or so, and doesn’t really drink.

Two options here. 1. Tell him he gets till ten and him being hungover is his problem, or

  1. You stay in bed/go out and do something till midday too once a week
RoganJosh · 03/12/2017 07:43

Our lie ins are normally till around nine. But if he needs that time to himself then maybe that needs to happen occasionally. You need to get the corresponding time too though. Can you mention that you’ll be then popping out for a coffee till midday when it’s your turn?

Mynametodaywillbe · 03/12/2017 07:44

He's BU. Midday is way too late for a parent of small children.

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/12/2017 07:45

He’s being U. Once ina while is ok for a big night out or if your partner is really exhausted and overtired but no, sorry mate, you’re a parent now and things are a little different now yeah?

He’s not an adolescent. So many threads on here where childish men feel fully entitled to get a better deal/more leisure time/more sleep. Because they have dicks I suppose. Must be exhausting hauling those willies around Hmm

Allthetuppences · 03/12/2017 07:46

He is. He is responsible for what he does about getting sleep. If he'd rather act like a student at uni for fresher's week that's his choice.

Chattycat78 · 03/12/2017 07:47

Hoho. Half the day is gone by midday when you have small children!

We have 2 small children too. Each of us gets a lie in once a week- that means til around 9 am or so in my book. He needs to go to bed earlier!

RefuseTheLies · 03/12/2017 07:48

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to stay in bed until lunchtime once in a while. Obviously not on a regular basis though.

drquin · 03/12/2017 07:48

Well I guess he's mathematically correct!

But to me to the whole point of a lie-in is to have a lazy morning when there's nothing or no-one otherwise affected.

By choosing to go to bed when he does, and taking his allotted 10 hrs, he's impacting when the whole family can do something. That would be the issue for me. I wouldn't care of someone stayed in their bed all day IF it didn't impact the rest of us. If by taking an independent decision (drinking, going to bed later, getting up later) he's affecting what the rest of you do ..... then that's a problem.

XmasFairy86 · 03/12/2017 07:51

I just want someone else to feed the kids 😂😂 that's all my lie in consists of! He's being an ass.

InspMorse · 03/12/2017 07:54

'Lie in' is too vague!

He sees it as his time to relax and not be around for the first half of the next day.
You on the other hand are up early at 10am ready to join in.

I'm afraid I'm with him. 10am isn't a lie in if you've had a very late night. wouldn't surface until 11/12 if I was having a proper 'lie in'.

Chattycat78 · 03/12/2017 07:59

For what it’s worth, my DH does the same on his lie in- the night before he drinks a fair bit, stays up late and listens to music. If he stayed in bed til midday the next day I’d be fuming. You just don’t get to do what you want anymore when you have kids. Sorry.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 03/12/2017 08:00

He is - for not using the time effectively!

44PumpLane · 03/12/2017 08:01

I think it's just different expectations but it has to be one rule for both.

If he feels strongly enough that he shouldn't have to get up till midday then he needs to agree that you get to opt out of family life equally as regularly until midday.
You may only need a lie in until 10 but then you might fancy a soak in the bath with your extra 2 hours- which is surely equally as legitimate as having an extra couple hours to "relax" by getting smashed by yourself in front of the telly the night before.

Original poster
LoopyLou1981 · 03/12/2017 08:05

Thanks everyone! I’m especially liking the suggestions of using the extra time going out for coffee or having a bath! x

OP posts:
Hohofortherobbers · 03/12/2017 08:11

Midday? ! Ours is 8:30am, dh has only got another 20mins

Kentnurse2015 · 03/12/2017 08:11

Our lie ins are only until about 8.30 so they don't actually impact our day. Maybe once in a blue moon one of us has an epic lie-in like that but I'm talking really special circumstances!!

InspMorse · 03/12/2017 08:12

Yes, make it 'child free morning' (until 12pm) instead of 'lie in'.

He can sleep his time away if he likes but you can get up early & go out for the morning on your own if you feel like it.

BellyBean · 03/12/2017 08:14

Our lie ins are every weekend unless something special planned but only til 9. On the basis that with 2 young children you want to aim to be out the house by 10 or you've wasted the day.

I'd say lie in til 12 would be ok if a monthly or less occurrence. I'd happily get up at 9 and go for a coffee or something with mine though!

ShimmeringBollox · 03/12/2017 08:18

I think it's fine until later than 10 if that is what he wants to do. You're both adults and you both get to decide what works for you, even if the other person doesn't like it all that much.
I would and have just snuggled up with the sofa or taken the dc to the park, or out for a hot chocolate etc.
If you want to take some extra time, just do it. What would happen if you just said, I'm going out for lunch or to watch a film ?

LookAtMyRingsMyRingsMyRings · 03/12/2017 08:19

i lie in every saturday, dh every sunday and the latest we would come down is 9am unless one of us had gone out for the night (rare). usually its around 8.30am we come down though.

we have 4 dc under 8 and have done this since dc1 was a baby! exceptions are christmas and the DC birthdays when we all get up together. we also swap about for fathers/mothers day so we get a lie in on 'our' day.

midday is ridiculous - how do you paln for doing stuff as a family if one of you is asleep ntil lunchtime?!

lightcola · 03/12/2017 08:22

I get the wanting to stay up late and do something that is just for you. I get cross about having to go to bed earlier than I may want to because my delightful children will be up by the crack of dawn. But I wouldn’t then lie in so it affects precious family time.

Kahlua4me · 03/12/2017 08:32

If it was only occasionally I don’t think it would bother me. You are both adults so shouldn’t have to go to bed early just to get a lie in.

As long as you know when his turn is can you not plan the next day accordingly, take the dc to the park, visiting friends and family, watching a film etc.
Then when it’s your turn you can choose how to spend your time whether it is to have a long bath or go out for coffee.

It might work out well as both of you will have a good period of “me time” and then feel more energised in the process. Life has to be about all of you not just the dc.....

Justabadwife · 03/12/2017 08:35

On a Saturday DH will be out of bed by 9ish (esp this time of year, when parking becomes an issue) so we can go shopping, visit the inlaws, do whatever needs doing.
Sunday we just stay at home generally, so DH stays in bed until about 11.30. If it's a nice day me and dd will go for a walk to the park and buy DH a coffee and a bacon baguette on the way home.
I can't stay in bed late, once in up im up unless I'm ill or hungover
After my staff summer party I didn't get out of bed, I couldn't move. 🤢

treaclesoda · 03/12/2017 08:37

I lie in in our house is until about 9am.

I honestly don't think I could be married to someone who lay in bed until mid day.