Lie ins

[LoopyLou1981]

My dh and I have 2 small children. About 50% of the time we all get up together at the weekends (the dc wake up somewhere between 6am and 7am) but occasionally one or the other requests a lie in.
Ages ago a ‘lie in’ was agreed at anything up to 10am. Before mine, I usually enjoy a couple of glasses of wine and go to bed around 11ish. My dh tends go on w but of a drinking binge and stay up listening to music (with headphones on) until the early hours.
He’s now arguing that him getting up at 10am isn’t a lie in because it’s still only 8 hours sleep (or less) which is the same as he’d get on a normal night and that he should be allowed to sleep until midday. My argument is that a ‘lie in’ is 10am, if he wants to stay up late that’s his problem!
Who’s bu?!x

That should say 'a' lie in in our house. As in both of us would consider 9am a lie in.

I really don’t see the issue with an adult staying in bed until lunch occasionally if that’s what they want to do. It’s by arrangement, it’s not like he just hasn’t got up on a school day.

Kids need to learn that the whole world doesn’t revolve around them and that adults still have lives to. Comments like the one below make me sad both for the spoiled kids and the poor parents who give up living their own lives and end up existing only as the parents of their children.

Give the bloke a rare break and organise something for yourself sometime. The kids won’t die or be mentally scarred by a parent taking some time to themselves occasionaly - even on a Sunday.

You just don’t get to do what you want anymore when you have kids. Sorry

Well said mumsy, you explained it far better than me!

No, my comment was nothing to do with children. Even before we had kids we would have considered 9am a lie in. I just personally couldn't be in a relationship with someone who chooses to spend their time that way. It doesn't matter to me what anyone else does in their house, that's their business.

And if other people are happy with mid day lie ins then fair enough.

I'm kind of with him.
I don't really agree with all these 'rules' people seem to have; ie giving up all the things you enjoy doing, so that you have 'family time.' As long as you get the same amount of time off, i.e. Till midday on your morning. Luckily dh agrees with me, so it works for our family.

It just sounds a bit depressing and rejemented. For me it would depend how often it is but once in a while, you just need the extra sleep and you need to have fun staying up or whatever. As long as it's occasionally and there's give and take

He IBU. Turn the maths round on him, point out that by staying in bed to midday (and having the same amount of sleep) means that he gets 2 hours less waking time with the children, and how it that fair?

BTW What's a lie-in? When I get sent away with work and don't have to get up until 7:30 for a buffet breakfast, that's a lie-in to me!

Let him lie in till he wants intane it he's been working all week.

I agree that you then need to rename it to ‘morning off’ or similar. Hell then complain when you go out, and you’ll need to point out that he chose to have his free time in the evening.

Selfish arse. Definitely say you want the same on your lie ins. Bet you he changes his mind so fast you hear the crack.

And having kids does mean you can't just do what you want anymore. That's how it's supposed to be, it's called responsibility. Alternating lie ins sounds a lovely way of managing self care and balancing/sharing parenting responsibilities.

Excuse me. My children are not spoiled- you know nothing about me!

I agree that people should be allowed their own time but not if this is the norm for every weekend! It would mean no family time. I didn’t see the context of the original post as I took it that the lie ins were happening every weekend. Everything should be in moderation.

How does having one morning to yourself every week equate to no family time? What about the other 6 mornings, the 7 evenings, the 2 afternoons (assuming mon-fri job) .

"Half the day is gone by midday when you have small children!".
Being a pedant sorry but half the day is gone by midday by definition :o

God some of the replies on this thread. FFS, the world doesn’t have to revolve around your children!

Personally someone staying in bed til
Midday isn’t attractive to me, but if it’s just once in a blue moon then who cares. All this ‘but think of the kiddies’ ‘what about faaaaaamily time’ ‘You don’t get to do what you want anymore when you have kids’ urgh. The children aren’t going to be emotionally scarred forever because once in a blue moon their dad wanted to stay in bed til midday.

Sorry OP, unless he’s planning on making this a regular thing, or he does it on a day when you have a day out planned and need to be out of the house by 10am etc, then I would just suck it up and get on with your day yourself, take the DC out or something or potter about the house until he’s up.

Ha that’s true!

Presumably most of the mornings or evenings can’t be family time as everyone is going to work or Nursery etc, or it’s nearly bedtime?

Free time in the week yes- eg to do sport after work or what have you.

It’s about getting a balance for everyone involved, both in the week or at weekend.

TBH I’m probably very biased right now. I’m knackered and I don’t get hardly any time for myself, so I haven’t managed to practice this yet!

Personally I would agree to it as long as you get the same time. Why fall out over it when it means more time for you to chill and focus on yourself as well!

Howsthings, that's a really positive way of thinking about it.
Tell home to enjoy his lie-in till midday with your full blessing, then look forward to your extra 2 hours peace on your day.

The OP's dh does want to make it a regular thing. And I disagree with him going to bed late and then expecting his lie in should be to mid day. What a man-child

Dh gets a lie in every weekend until 9.30 which is 2.5 hours after I get up with dc. I then will nap when dd2 does. This works for us but mid day would be ridiculous.

Wow! That escalated fast! 😂
I’m taking bits from both sides. I’ve said he can have he can have a midday lie in every so often so he feels like he’s had his ‘me time’ but I’ll occasionally escape for a quiet coffee on my mornings (can’t believe I never thought of that before!).
I do tend to agree that your life should revolve around kids once you have them though. I would’nt expect either of us to have a lie in if we were all going out somewhere xx

Hoho. Half the day is gone by midday when you have small children!

Not in this house. We’re vampiric!

As long as you both have EQUAL free time, things generally work.

I don't lay in because I naturally wake up at 6:30 at the minute - bloody annoying because I would LOVE a lay in.

But I let DH lay in until 9:30 (when I get back from school run) or I'll let him sleep until 10. He starts work at lunchtime or afternoon.

Any time after 10 and he gets grumpy.
He can go to sleep any time between 11-3 on a weekend but still won't sleep any later than 10.

Lately he has been getting up earlier which is nice. Saves me a job!

I think he's making the most of the fact he'll be taking over the morning school runs in a few months as my due date approaches!

I remember those days.Xh had a lie in and on my days after dd was fed she'd come to me(full of beans) to talk to me,play games(tunnels under the duvet when very small).
Now she's a teen and I get a lie in on Sundays and if she needs me up for some reason then the request comes with a cup of tea.

As long as it's fair and equal there should be a way to arrange lie ins or the wake up time you want. Some people love sleep, some people don't.

If one person in a relationship really loved sleep and once in a while wants to sleep in til 12 and will happily repay the favour, what's the problem?

I would be pissed off if someone said 'you have to wake up at 9am for the next 10 years, because that is the time I feel is a lie in cut off'.