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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think working PT with young kids does not = all cleaning

30 replies

puglife15 · 03/12/2017 07:25

I've come across this a few times - attitude that if someone is PT they should/could do all housework... Am I the only one who struggles with this??

Maybe because of the hours I work, or how demanding my kids are, but I find it hard enough to get the time to cook, load the dishwasher and stick a wash on let alone dust, vacuum and clean the bathroom!

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 03/12/2017 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
puglife15 · 03/12/2017 07:30

That's what I think tbh and also surely the point of pt is primarily quality time with kids/making their lives easier? Yet IRL and on here I've seen lots of conflicting views (not wanting to make this a TAAT)

OP posts:
Collaborate · 03/12/2017 07:36

puglife15 Are you saying that as the PT worker is having quality time with the kids while the other parent is working, then the working parent should have their quality time when they get home? And in true MN tradition they should ensure that their quality time is equal in duration to that the PT worker enjoyed?

swingofthings · 03/12/2017 07:37

Depends on the age of the kids, the job you do, the job your partner is doing and how messy you are in the first place, if you have a garden, if the house needs regular DIY.

I was a single mum working FT when my kids were under 5 and I had to do all the cleaning myself, so I don't think it is unmanageable to do so the same with a PT job. However, working FT doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything at all.

Dusting, vacuuming and cleaning one bathroom takes very little time but then it depends on standards.

RockinRobinTweets · 03/12/2017 07:41

Depends how pt.

If there are 2 adults, all the roles inc bed/bath should be taken into account, along with hours worked.

When I did pt and dc napped for 2 hours, I did get most of it done.

Pengggwn · 03/12/2017 07:43

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chewbecca · 03/12/2017 07:51

Pre school, less so. When they're at school, the PT worker genuinely has more free time so I think it is reasonable that some cleaning is done in that time.

In my own circumstance (DC in school), I have 1.5 days off (DH works FT). We have a cleaner, I do the washing and shopping on my days off and we share anything else that needs doing.

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/12/2017 07:54

There's also a lot of the opposite view Peng. If the woman is a SAHP/PT worker she is a parent not a housekeeper, so the man should still be doing half the housework.

If the man is the SAHP/PT worker, he should be doing the bulk of the housework/washing and cooking or else he is a cocklodger.

If one partner is at home more, they do have time to do the majority of the housework, unless several DCs/SNs etc. But the WOHP needs to do something too.

If they tidy up after themselves and do things like pick up shopping on the way home from work, do household admin tasks during lunchbreak/commute, its a big difference to doing absolutely nothing and making work because they leave a mess everywhere.

procrastinationsupremo · 03/12/2017 07:58

I totally agree Pengggwn, my husband took a year of paternity leave whilst I went to work. He is an absolutely brilliant Dad, but definitely prioritised having a lovely time with our daughter over any housework etc. Yet everyone at the parent and toddler groups etc. seemed to think (and tell me) he was the second coming.... He did cook dinner every night (whilst I did bath and bed) but I definitely did at least half of the housework even though I worked FT in a very demanding job. Now I work around 30 hrs a week and he works FT and I would say I do at least 75% of the housework and his contributions are pretty lacklustre!! I would generally think that our relationship is fairly equal and respectful and he is a lovely, hard working, caring chap, but this element is definitely not a fair split. And as for the mental load, don't get me started!!!

Pengggwn · 03/12/2017 08:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yorkshapudding · 03/12/2017 08:15

If DC are at school on your non working days then I don't see why you couldn't get some housework done. Obviously it's trickier when they're tiny and you're trying to do jobs while they're under your feet.

Codlet · 03/12/2017 08:18

If you are looking after children on your non working days then it’s impossible to get all the cleaning done IMO (without stressing yourself out a lot anyway). If they’re at school / pre-school then it’s different.

kiwiquest · 03/12/2017 08:49

Impossible with a new born maybe but otherwise depends on the children and circumstances. I work PT, 2 year old DD, husband works away every week. I do 95% of cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping. Toddler knows she either has to play by herself for short periods or she helps and does 'jobs'. For example folding washing, she finds all the socks for me. We actually have quite a good routine now it's pretty easy. I finish stuff off once she's in bed. If I didn't juggle it nothing would ever get done!!

Pengggwn · 03/12/2017 08:55

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kiwiquest · 03/12/2017 08:56

Perhaps I should caveat that DH when he is home is capable of picking up a Hoover, doing a wash or cooking without being asked. So it's my choice to do the house stuff. I actually think it is probably lack of choice and expectation that pisses women off more than actually doing the chores.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/12/2017 09:05

Depends on everything. Ages, activities, size of house, standard of cleanliness, effort of cooking etc etc

I just always try to be honest and fair. So, when I was a sahm I 'worked' in some capacity from 9-5 every day, same as dh was doing. It wouldn't have felt fair to sit watching a movie whilst dc slept/played whilst dh was at work and then expect him to chores as soon as he got back from work. Likewise, if I'd had a difficult day, and got no house work done, I would expect him to pitch in.

ColonelJackONeil · 03/12/2017 09:12

I work PT and what happens here is that DH does his favourite jobs; dog walking, diy, grocery shopping and I do more of the cleaning and cooking. It works for me as i have lowered my cleaning standards so much I barely do anything.

Appuskidu · 03/12/2017 09:37

I’m part time with school aged children and do most of the housework. I see that as a good deal! When the children were very little, I still did more than DH because he worked such long hours.

He’s always done other stuff though and generally cooks,and will get stuff from the shop and make phone calls during lunch breaks etc. He generally also does the ferrying of children here there and everywhere at weekends as well. I would say that he doesn’t do much in the way of changing the beds and cleaning but I always did that around children’s nap times.

WeAllHaveWings · 03/12/2017 09:51

There is no rules who should do what, everyone is different.

If you’ve got dc who easily entertain themselves it’s only fair the parent at home does some housework instead of watching Jeremy Kyle or mumsnetting while the other parents is working. If you have dc who need your full attention then housework isn’t possible when you are with them alone so needs to be evenly distributed when your partner is home. It’s all about being a team and doing what works best for both of you.

3nonblondedd78 · 03/12/2017 09:56

Yep, this attitude annoys me too. I work part time and I have had people say working x hours is nothing. Completely forgetting all the hours spent caring for the children pre and post school. Clearly that is not work.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 03/12/2017 10:12

If one of us was part time then yes I'd expect the other to do the bulk of the housework so that things were more equal. Unfair to expect the other to come home and start in the house when they have been at work and the other has played with the children or had a fun day out etc.

Either it's done by the part timer during the day or they do in the evening whilst the worke gets their quality time with the children. Highly unfair to expect the full timer to do their job, the house and forgo time with the children whilst the other does a few token hours.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 03/12/2017 10:29

I agree with others

It depends on the age of the child and what sort of part time

So my children are at school and i work 6 hours a week so i have plenty of time to keep the house clean and tidy during the day

When dh gets home or its the weekend we share

TidyDancer · 03/12/2017 10:31

Agree with others, this is very dependant on how many days/hours are worked and the age of any children.

But I do think the person (be that mother or father etc) working part time should on the whole be doing more of the home related work.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 03/12/2017 10:33

Sorry really should have said

If the children are at school and thats when you are working then i would say that yanbu

Or the children are not at school and you are working yanbu

Babbitywabbit · 03/12/2017 10:40

Depends on age of children and hours worked.
I worked 3 days a week when my children were pre school age. When it was just dc1, and she was still small so sleeping when out in the pram and napping at home, yes, I’d be the one to pick up stuff from the shops when our walking with her, run the mop round the kitchen floor or prep dinner when she napped. It seemed obvious as I was the one physically at home to do it!

By the time we had 3 pre school dc, on my days off it was pretty full on bf youngest, playing with the two others etc Probably the most I did was bung the washing and drying on - again, because I was physically at home to do it. After all, doing the laundry these days is hardly the massive chore of yesteryear - it’s not like washing by hand and putting through a mangle.

I stepped back up to full time the term my youngest started school, so we’ve shared everything pretty equally since, but if I’d stayed part time with school age kids I would have taken on the lions share of housework - I think it would have been taking the piss not to in that scenario. So, it’s not that part time = all housework, but depending on age of kids and other variables, it’s likely to mean doing more of it