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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours' baby not in a car seat

67 replies

shelleybee · 28/11/2017 19:02

Posting for traffic really.
I don't know what to do. As I left the house just now, my next door neighbours were also going out. They had their 7 month old daughter with them. He got into the car's driver's seat and she got into the passenger seat with the baby on her lap. They then drove off like that.
I have seen them do the same once before. OH says he has also seen them do it before.
My dilemma is this: they are Polish and speak very little English. If their English was better, I'd have no qualms with pointing out how dangerous this is, but I've lived next to them for 11 months now and their English seems limited to 'hello'.
What should I do?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 28/11/2017 19:04

Contact the Health visitor, explain your concerns and ask them to visit?

Cornettoninja · 28/11/2017 19:08

I second the advice of health visitor definitely.

I saw someone with a baby on their lap in one of those transit vans the other day and it made me wince. It's just not worth it imho. Although I know there could be a situation where there was no choice I doubt it.

RavingRoo · 28/11/2017 19:10

Health visitor, non-emergency police line, even social services would be interested.

Badgerloco · 30/11/2017 13:28

Alternatively you could offer to help them, rather than report them, maybe you have a car seat you no longer use? Or could buy then one.

FGSholdthedoor · 30/11/2017 13:37

Gosh this strung a cord with me.

Im from a different country (European) and my DP(arents) also live here. I don't get it but for some reason they don't seem to put as much importance on things like that. I've had my DF in the past say "DS can just go on your lap since we're only going 5mins away" or "he can just sit on my lap (the effing driver!!!) as I'm only going down the road to the shop" as he usually CBA moving it from my car to his. Everytime it's been shut down by me getting the car seat from my car or giving him my car keys to bring it across.

They've also brought him back to my house before with my DM sitting in the back with DS on her lap as "he didn't want to get in the car seat"/"was crying" (he was about 12 months at the time). They don't have him on their own anymore.

It's like they're quite happy to take the risk because they think the odds of anything happening are rare.
They do reign it in now only because they know where I stand with it. They can judge all they want and I really couldn't care less if they think I'm OTT.

You telling them won't sort anything, I'd report to the health visitor, maybe they'll get worried if they think they'll get in trouble.

FGSholdthedoor · 30/11/2017 13:38

*struck a cord

Sorry.

MyKingdomForBrie · 30/11/2017 13:40

Next time you see them just try talking to them about it, their English is probably better than you think.

Warn them that it’s illegal, they might not know.

HistoryMad · 30/11/2017 13:40

Ignore it. It is none of your business.

We had a car seat. DS had awful awful reflux and colic, which meant there was no way we could even do a 5-10 minutes journey without him screaming his head off. The only way out of this was to hold him in my lap, and that's what we did.

tinysparklyshoes · 30/11/2017 13:43

Ignore it. It is none of your business

It is her business. If you are breaking the law and putting your child in danger, both of which you did when you travelled without the child in a seat, someone has to protect your child when you do not.

Afreshstartplease · 30/11/2017 13:44

Surely screaming for 10 min is better than flying through a window!

DurhamDurham · 30/11/2017 13:44

*Or you could buy them one
*
Only on mumsnet would it be suggested that you buy a neighbour that you barely speak to a car seat Hmm

LostMyMojoSomewhere · 30/11/2017 13:44

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 30/11/2017 13:44

HistoryMad I can sympathise with the reflux as DD had it badly (and still does suffer) but it’s not really ok to do this. Not only is it illegal it’s also very dangerous.

Neverender · 30/11/2017 13:46

Definitely do something. DD would be in her seat whether she screamed or not!

Rainatnight · 30/11/2017 13:46

Why don't you try to have a word, maybe with the help of Google Translate. 'Hello, what a lovely baby. You might not know, but in this country, babies have to be in car seats. You'll get in trouble if you don't have one.'

Not that difficult

MrsCharlieD · 30/11/2017 13:48

Don't ignore this. If they have an accident the child could be killed. They could also be fined or prosecuted if caught by the police. I don't know how best to broach them but i know I couldn't not say anything x

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 30/11/2017 13:48

LostMyMojoSomewhere you would have got away with it as the journey was unexpected and necessary. Popping to Tesco for a sandwich (or whatever) is not unexpected or necessary

BewareOfDragons · 30/11/2017 13:48

Do not ignore it. It IS your business. It is all of our business because we know better and that's why there are laws on the issue. Society doesn't want children being maimed and killed unnecessarily in car crashes.

Call the local health visiting team or the non emergency police number and report it so they can sort them out.

hiyasminitsme · 30/11/2017 13:49

call the police. now. 999. I've done it twice and both times they have sent a patrol car out to look for the car and thanked me for doing it.

mumisnotmyname · 30/11/2017 13:50

I would go with ravingroo's list, sometimes when working on front line social work I would sigh at the stuff people thought we should get involved with but this I would have no hesitation logging and passing onto health visitors to chase up. This is both illegal and dangerous and the family need to be aware of this and that a car seat not an optional extra for a baby.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/11/2017 13:50

Yes, I think you need to report to someone, others above have offered advice on who to report to.

My ExP used to this with HIS OWN KIDS and it drove me nuts. His son who scream his head off so exP would let him just sit in the car seat, unstrapped.

I used to refuse to start the engine until both kids were safely strapped in. He just couldn't understand why I made such a fuss if we were only going 'down the road' - I just had visions of his son dashing his brains out on his knees if I braked suddenly.

Are they aware that it is the law in the UK to strap kids in? Do they speak any English?

MrsCharlieD · 30/11/2017 13:50

Confused at @historymad. My ds was born with oesopheagal atresia. He has the mist severe reflux our consultant has seen. He has never travelled in a car without a car seat. What were you thinking? Shock

RatRolyPoly · 30/11/2017 13:53

Um, Lost, I think that was in fact illegal.

The gov.uk website says if they're OVER 3 they can travel without a car seat if the journey is short, unexpected AND necessary, but if the child is UNDER 3 they can only travel without a car seat in the back of a taxi without a seat belt under the same circumstances.

Becca83 · 30/11/2017 13:53

history mad are you actually crazy? You would seriously risk your child's life like That? I'm sure the reflux is awful, but I would like to think that your child not being killed in an accident would be a priority for you.
I'm actually astonished that anyone wpuld even consider this.

tinysparklyshoes · 30/11/2017 13:53

but it's not actually illegal

Yes, it is. There is an exemption for short, emergent necessary journeys, so a&e yes, your train being late, no.