To think that force feeding children is abuse?!

[InMemoryOfSleep]

DS (18 months) has gone off food lately, which I'm putting down to a combination of his age, teething, and the fact that he's been permanently ill since starting nursery! However I did a quick Google in case I was missing something, and came across a post on one of the other parenting websites, which had me absolutely

The Mum stated she held her child's cheeks to 'get the food in', which caused a meltdown (understandably). When I mentioned this to a mum friend she shrugged and said, 'well, whatever it takes sometimes'.

AIBU to think this is abusive, and to be utterly shocked that people still think this is an acceptable way to get your child to eat?!

You actually can’t force a child to eat IMO. Any parent that did that would have the food spat out at them surely?! When mine didn’t eat the only thing you can do is encourage and not make it a battle.

I would never do that. However, I have cajoled and bribed toddlers to eat. Things like “three more mouthfuls” or “no pudding til you eat your veg”.
Mainly to prevent them eating NO dinner and then saying they are hungry and wanting snacks 30 mins later! Also, my son would live on junk if I let him. I see it as my job to ensure some veg goes in

Doing things like that is brewing problems for later surely.
I found the best way to get mine to eat was to tell them they didn't have to if they didn't want it

Force feeding your child is asking for them to be even more adverse to eating. Self fulfilling prophecy etc.

Our DS sometimes doesn't eat (24 months and, sometimes does - he has always been quite small but is full of energy. We don't make a deal out of it and if he has a day where he doesn't eat much he will then demolish all his food and then some the next day.

Ah an anorexic /bulimic dc in the making. Or a phobia of vomiting.

Also - yes, abuse

Just a phobia of vomiting - yes exactly what I was thinking, I would be terrified of anyone coming near me with food after having it shoved into my mouth 🤢

That's horrific! I'm lucky that dd is a good eater but I've never even cajoled her into eating if she doesn't want to. She just doesn't get anything else until an appropriate snack/meal time and I always make sure there is something on her plate I know she is keen on.

It's asking for an eating disorder. A friend of mine sat at the table for 8 hours when she was a child as she couldn't leave until she'd eaten 'what was put in front of her'.

She has major food issues and she'll probably have them all her life.

Abuse and, ultimately, pointless.

I agree that force feeding a child like that is setting them up for future issues- mainly issues/bad habits around food.

You can only ever encourage a child to eat- if they don't want to, they shouldn't have to.

So glad it's not just me! I really do know how hard it is to cope with a food-refusing toddler, and I especially struggle with the thought of him going to bed hungry. But I hang on to the fact that he won't starve himself, and just act very blasé about the whole thing, I'm terrified of setting him up for issues later on if I stress about it!

Yes that's abuse. And storing up a whole lot of problems for the future.

It's terrible. I really don't understand it at all.

I never encourage/ cajole/ force DS to eat. If he doesn't want what I make (so long as I know he does eat it) I assume he isn't hungry and put it in the fridge for later when he tells me he is hungry. There's no making him something like toast or giving him something sweet to get him to eat.

I don't eat when I'm not hungry, why should he? Just because society has told us that we should have 3 meals a day? I'm teaching DS to listen to his body and eat when he needs to eat, not when society says he should eat.

No wonder we have so many food issues.

It's abuse. There was a news case about something on those lines a couple of years ago. A woman was on trial for doing this and sadly in her case it had led to her child's death as the child choked. Will google.

we always had the rule that they did not have to eat stuff they did not want to . occasionally I have asked them to try stuff, (lick sniff, take a little bite which could be spat out if required, but never more htan that)

I have even praised them for stopping eating when they are full. (I don't, I feel guilty for not eating it all, I am overweight. )

My DH was pinned down and force fed, in fact it's one of his earliest memories. He has food issues as a result, it's definitely abusive, not that his parents would have been bothered by that...

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-15689864

Longer ago than I thought. Dreadfully sad.

I just don't get why you would do it? Surely, as another poster said, any food forced in is going to get spat out? And then you're just setting up mealtimes to be even more stressful?

I never forced mine sometimes they ate a lot some times hardly anything and they are teens now and their appetites still vary. The conversation should be about healthy eating not how much. Toddlers are very in touch with their requirements, don't worry this stage will pass.

That's bloody dreadful.

DS is the pickiest fucker eater and I would never force feed him.

They're not going to starve themselves.

Instead, we're firm and he knows his meal is his main food, if he doesn't eat it he can have fruit.

You wouldn't force feed an adult so why would you force feed a child... it's primal.

I had a tiny appetite as a child, I was forced to eat. My mother had the same treatment. I refuse to force my son (not even a ‘one more spoon’ waving a loaded spoon suggestion), he is a superb little eater not sure if it’s nature or nurture but meal times are fuss free (and usually pleasurable! Well as nice as sharing a table with a three year old Vets 😂)

Jesus that's horrible.

I never force mine, meals get put in front of them and they can eat it or not and I don’t get stressed etc about it.

When I was a child my parents never made me finish my plate but one time when I was at my friends, we had dinner, I was full and tried to leave food and the mother insisted I couldn’t leave the table until my plate my empty. I’ve never forgotten it

At a baby group once we met for lunch and one of the mums kept putting this cottage pie in to the child’s mouth, he would spit it out and she would spoon more in. Said child was sick in the end and the mother wondered why, it didn’t occur to her she had made him sick.

Yanbu!

I can't see how you could force feed (apart from that awful story of the mother with the jug). I found it easier to bribe cojole, distract and try again later. If all else failed, I just gave her yoghurts and tinned spaghetti hoops which were always eaten regardless 😳😳 (oh and buttons). I berated myself at the time when one week she was badly teething and had lived on petis flippin filous and Thomas spaghetti shapes but know what, she's made it to 13 and eats liver and bacon now too!