AIBU about Ex purposely calling my son (not his) the wrong name.

[SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace]

So DS1 has come home from a weekend with his dad and told me that he has been purposely calling DS2 (my younger son, not his and has nothing to do with him) a silly nickname because he thinks his name is ‘Stupid’.

DS2 is 3. AIBU to find it disgusting that he would upset his own DS this way by being rude about his little brother and also just disgusted that he would be nasty about a 3 year old?

I don’t plan on saying anything (I think) because he really isn’t worth it. I think I just wanted a rant 😞

I’m not surprised you wanted to rant! How old is DS1?
You need to help him practice s9me good phrases like 'my brother's got a great name.' 'It's stupid to make fun of people's names'. 'Why are you be8ng mean about my brother?' Help him work out a few he'd be comfortable with, and try them out ready for next t8me!

Kill him.

Your Ex sounds like a total tosser. It must be difficult for your DS1. Would he be willing to say anything to his dad, or is he too wary? No child should have to put up with that.

If it upsets your eldest then I think you can ressure him that it is ok for him to tell his dad he doesn't like it. Your ex is being pathetic.

@picklemepopcorn thank you for your reply. I’m used to him being an arsehole but this really wound me up.

Without giving away what his name is, let’s just say it’s Owen well DS1’s Dad is calling his Lou Lou 😖

@Anniegetyourgun @LittleCandle @Whatsername17 thank you I’m so glad I haven’t come across as petty!

What a pathetic little man.

What an arse. Agree with coaching DS to deal with it assertively.

What an idiot. I'd pity someone so pathetic.

Why does he nees to call him anything?! Why is he even talking about him?

Nasty little man i agree with ANNIEGETYOURGUN

In social work speak this is emotional harm of DS1 and should be stopped. The trouble is how to do it. If you have a good relationship with the school, speak to the Head or the SENCO and say that you are worried about the long term impact on DS1. If the boy is prepared to confirm to one of the teaching staff that this has upset him then that would justify them having a word with the father without you having to be involved.

FFS what an utter knob. Arm your son with phrases and practise so he can answer back next time.

No SJC2. Do not. It is bad enough that one parent is using the child to pursue their own ends, without the other doing it.

What a sad little man

@C0untDucku1a he has no need to talk about him at all but he constantly questions DS about every little aspect of my life determined that he’s going to find something to have a go at me about 😒

He honestly is just pathetic. He also ‘forgot’ to bring back his coat. I don’t want to out myself but we don’t live near by and his contact isn’t even every month so I’ve told him he’ll have to post it to me which he also has the hump about.

Fuck me, what a loser. What a lucky escape you had OP!

Does DS1 get anything positive out of this contact, and is it court-ordered? If it's making him unhappy, even with a court order, it might be time to try to change it - maybe to supervised only, if this prick can't be trusted not to tease and distress his son.

Wake up every morning and pat yourself on the back for dropping this dickhead.

How hurtful to your older child.
Ex is wanting a reaction out of you and well done to you for not rising to it. (I don't think i could have been as calm)
He is only showing his true colours too his son.
Totally shocking behaviour.

What a pathetic toss pot. Well done, OP, that he is an ex. Does your ds1 enjoy his visits otherwise?

No wonder he's your ex. Dickhead.

Thanks everyone, I honestly thought I was going to be told to grow up!

This is honestly mild in the long list of awful things he’s done. Contact is court ordered (we moved away due to his behaviour) and has recently all just been brought back to court which was a very stressful/expensive time and start to finish lasted nearly a year. He/his family decided that DS would have been better off living with him (even though he’s never lived with him in the over 10 years of his life, we didn’t live together thank fuck in hindsight!).

What should have been an open and shut case was dragged on and on with my character and parenting being attacked. Thankfully judge saw sense in the end and the lot was thrown out of court. I nearly had a break down because of it all.

My DS gains absolutely nothing positive from his visits but ex is good at putting on the caring father act in front of others.

What an absolute arsehole. I’m so sorry you and your ds have to put up with this

I would write to ex, by email, telling him that his son is upset with what he has been says about his brother.
Tell him that he must stop doing this IMMEDIATLY and must not critisize little brother ( DS2) or any other family member as DS1 is not at all happy on his return from the visit.
Then, make sure you write down exactly what your son says happened. Any other problems, write them down too.
It's sounds like your ex is always going to be an utter knob and I can see you having to go back to court for supervised access.
Your main priority is your little boy - and you sound like you are being a super , caring, protective mummy. You do what you need to to protect your DS1 from this nasty bitter fuckwit.