Splitting the bill. What should I do?

[Embarrassed18]

I am cringing.

Went out for dinner and drinks with 3 friends. One doesn’t drink and is veggie.

We ordered 1 platter of hams and another of cheeses to share, plus individual main courses.

When the bill came, someone suggested splitting it. As I’d had 2 large glasses of wine, I went along with it unthinkingly.

Got home, sobered up a bit and realised non drinking veggie friend would have ended up paying nearly £20 more than she should have for what she actually ate and drank.

I texted her immediately to say how embarrassed I was about it. She texted back to say “don’t worry! I enjoyed the night out!”

I’m seeing her later in the week for a wedding.
WIBU to give her £20???
Or is that really gauche? I feel bad for not being quicker off the mark and hate the thought that she might have felt taken advantage of.

The other two think I should let it go, that there’ll be other opportunities to pay her back such as coffee here and there.

WWYD?

Could you pay for a couple of her drinks at the wedding or have her commit to a coffee /cake meet up and you pay?

Do you have her bank details?

I would just quietly transfer the money and then send her a message saying that you paid less than your fair share so have paid her back, and thanks again to her for covering it? That way it’s not an issue

As she hasn’t accepted the £20 offer, I would take her out sometime - good friends do pay for each other from time to time and don’t keep count of the exact pennies. (But somewhere more substantial than coffee)

I would still offer the £20 at the wedding too

I doubt this particular wedding will have a paying bar. And anyway £20 worth of soft drinks is an awful lot for anyone to be able to consume unless they are those overpriced mock tails!

So, slipping her a twenty is a bad idea?

This happens to me sometimes, also veggie and hardly drink. Often friends will knock the booze off before splitting the bill which I always appreciate but if not I don’t make a big deal of it (although might grumble to myself!). I think she will appreciate your text and that you’ve realised but she might not want to take money from you - as PP have said maybe pay for her lunch/coffee/cake next time. I’m sure she’d like that.

She doesn't seem bothered so I definitely wouldn't slip her the money. Why not arrange to meet her for lunch and pay for it.

I wouldn't worry she sounds nice and relaxed about it. Don't turn it into an issue

Next time you all go out, say clearly at the beginning of the meal that the three of you will split the bill, since you owe her for last time.

I was recently on a night out when someone forgot to pay their share of the wine - I put in some extra and promptly forgot about it. A few days later my friend presented me with the 'missing' money - it was a pleasant surprise but I'd never have thought of it again if he hadn't remembered.

It depends on the type of person she is. There are some people that whilst might very well say that they aren't bothered - will feel quite rightly annoyed. And others that would cringe at the prospect of being handed a £20 note.
I'd suggest going out again at some point and paying her share. My good friends and I don't keep tallies because we know it will always equal out.
Only you can really say what sort of friendship you have with her.

I'm a bit like her, I often up losing on shared bills. But if it's good friends I really don't mind, and I'd be pleased that you messaged me afterwards. I think buying her coffee or lunch next time you see her is enough, sending £20 is a bit OTT.

But you only owe her about £7 if she paid £20 extra and there were 2 other meaty drinkers?

£7 is cake and coffee easily so just pay next time you do that. If the others want to pay back their share then they can do the same.

Don't slip her money or put it in her bank account- it sounds like it would be awkward and not what she wants.

Either treat her for lunch or next time you're out with the same bunch make sure she doesn't pay over the odds or suggest she doesn't pay to make up for last time.

You sound like a thoughtful friend.

Could you pay for her next time or do her a favour sometime? You both sound like really nice people BTW so don't worry about it too much. Have a nice time at the wedding.

Just buy her a couple of drinks at the wedding.
I’m a non drinker/veggie and it always makes me feel in an easier position to say split the bill as I hate ppl squabbling over it and they usually tend to realise that I’m the one paying more.
I’d rather just enjoy the company than have that at the end of the night, and when someone starts penny pinching it can often become sour.

She will however appreciate the fact that you’ve noticed

I’d get a dinner / drink / coffee date in the diary so you both know you have chance to balance it out soon.

But it’s probably more for your peace of mind really!

Some people find accepting money difficult. As she's said not to worry I'd buy lunch, get tickets for something or share a money off voucher with her if she's interested.

Take her for coffee and cake and let it go. I often buy my friends drinks because, although I don't drink, they do and I'm not morally opposed to them getting plastered

I'd either buy her a couple of drinks at the wedding (even soft drinks at 'niace' venues are often pricy) or meet her at some point in a café and buy her a cuppa and cake.

Treat her next time. As others have said you sound very thoughtful.
I think good friends do even things out anyway.

I’d just treat her next time, perhaps arrange a lunch out next week just the two of you.

I think if this happened as a one-off and you have acknowledged it and offered money which she refused, it is fine. As others have said, you can buy her a couple of drinks (doesn't have to exactly total £20 - it's the gesture that counts) or next time, pay her bill. If you really want, at the wedding you can offer the £20 again,mbut if she says 'no' then just graciously accept her choice.

It's good you were aware of it, even after the event. Often veggies and non-drinkers get stung by people who knowingly or unknowingly take advantage. Some will speak up, others will keep quiet but feel aggrieved and others perhaps don't care.

With groups I go out with, when the bill comes, a drinker/multiple course eater will usually say 'I need to pay more' or 'X hasn't been drinking/only had a main course' and then usually that person is invited to work out their cost and pay it and the rest of the bill is split amongst those who ate most. It seems to work well and be fair. If I'm drinking and eating lots, I will try to speak up like this and if I'm not, I do appreciate the acknowledgment of this.

I find this tends to work well in group smog up to about 6. Once you are beyond that number, it's often much more difficult to treat people differently and splitting is easier, if not fairer. My DH says that if he goes to the Work lunch where there are about 30 people in a Es no point not drinking or only having one course because he knows the only way is to split the bill, so he might as well fully enjoy the full meal. Different though to a group of friends!

Next time you all go out, say clearly at the beginning of the meal that the three of you will split the bill, since you owe her for last time.

I think this. It's not just you who owes her; anyone else who was there could also have pointed out the disparity.

I think it's very nice and thoughtful of you. She sounds cool about it too. But I'd definitely make that – shared! – gesture next time.