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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want this house?

29 replies

sunshineinabag · 13/11/2017 14:50

The back story is I moved from London where I'm from to move out to the sticks miles away where my DP is from. It took 2 difficult years of me adjusting but finally I worked through the upheaval and settled in (separate places). Now we're looking to move in together.

Theres this house in the local town. We agreed we would live in this small town so I can hold on to some semblance of life (his whole community is a 10 minute drive away in the country).

This is more for me than him obviously as he would rather be in the country but hes cool with it since its so close and he sees his friends and family every day.

This house is perfect and we both l9ve it.

EXCEPT it has no garage. He has a motorbike and a car (I have neither). Having a garage was one of his only criteria and I feel so bad for preventing him from having that. But at the same time i feel like ive given up a lot.

I dont know. WWYD? I already know i will let him have the final say on this. More just looking for confirmation either way.

I know AIBU

OP posts:
MismatchedCat · 13/11/2017 14:53

You've both made compromises, but your compromise (moving from London to the country) was life-changing, his weren't.

On that basis YANBU

Fabellini · 13/11/2017 14:54

Is there enough outside space that you could build a garage?

NancyDonahue · 13/11/2017 14:54

Is there space in the garden to build a garage/shed? Most people just use garages as storage anyway.

Battyoldbat · 13/11/2017 14:55

Can you build one? Is there space and does the purchase price allow it?

Ttbb · 13/11/2017 14:55

Is there any possibility of building one? How difficult is it to find a similar house but with a garage?

bigbluebus · 13/11/2017 14:56

Why does he need a garage? Hardly anyone puts their car in a garage and plenty of people leave motorbikes outside - Or does he actually need a garage so he can tinker with his vehicles?

Original poster
sunshineinabag · 13/11/2017 14:57

Absolutely no possibility of building one.

There is off street parking.

We could potentially try and find a garage to rent from someone who has one but doesn't use it.

(This is renting btw not buying)

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshineinabag · 13/11/2017 14:58

Theres a basement for doing DIY and stuff which is good for him.

I dont actually drive so have no idea how important it is but part of me thinks he should just do off street parking for his car and leave his motorbike at his mums or sisters (as i said 10 min drive away, plus motorbike is more for when its a nice day out and he wants to go for a spin if you get me).

I dont know if im being a selfish callous bitch though!

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 13/11/2017 14:59

It’s unlikely you will be able to find a house that ticks every single box. You will have to compromise on something.
You have car parking and your husband can keep his motorbike round the back covered up.

NancyDonahue · 13/11/2017 15:00

Off street parking can be a pain in the arse. I'd recommend visiting in the evenings to check it's not too chaotic.

Trailedanderror · 13/11/2017 15:02

You've sacrificed enough. He can put up with off street parking.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 13/11/2017 15:02

No garage for a motorbike would be a deal breaker for me. Damage and theft would worry me too much. Sticking them under a tarpaulin is really not good enough. If it's already a rust bucket then that might be different, but if it's his pride and joy then no way.

BarbaraofSevillle · 13/11/2017 15:08

You can get secure motor bike sheds about the size of a small shed. Would that work? Something like this - can be bought and sold on ebay for less than new.

www.trimetals.co.uk/product/motorcycle-garage/

Original poster
sunshineinabag · 13/11/2017 15:10

The problem is its a terraced house so theres absolutely no give re doing stuff round the back. Its rent a garage/off street parking plus leave bike with family member/forget the house. One of those 3 options.

Its a very unusual period house with a lot of charm. I definitely understand the issues re leaving motorbike outside not being an option and off street parking being a PITA.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshineinabag · 13/11/2017 15:16

Oh and sorry this may be a massive drip feed because i feel really bad about bringing it up as I dont want it to be an issue because its not right but: irrespective of where we leave i said i would pay 2/3 rent as i outearn him by a fair bit.

I didnt want to mention it as it doesnt seem right to but since MN is where we can cone to offload our secret thoughts i have to admit that despite myself that plays on my thinking too

OP posts:
HotelEuphoria · 13/11/2017 15:24

I actually think you have sacrificed enough and that him finding somewhere off site for his motorbike should be his contribution.

HirplesWithHaggis · 13/11/2017 15:31

Sorry, but why is off street parking a problem? Surely on-street would be worse? Confused

DistanceCall · 13/11/2017 15:32

You'd be crazy if you let a house you love go because of this. You have compromised enough already, let him compromise a little now.

Original poster
sunshineinabag · 13/11/2017 16:47

Update

Just got back from seeing the house in person (we had videos and photos from agent). I loved it even more in person. Its beautiful and really quite romantic. Very unusual. Plus the move in date works perfectly with no double rent over lap.

BUT - he didnt like it.

In addition to the no parking or garage thing, the house is OLD so slightly damp. He was also not impressed with the uncared for aspect (I didnt see it as a problem to be honest. Think chipped paint and scuffed floors).

He really didnt feel comfortable there. I feel quite gutted and confused. I know we need to compromise but I cant help feeling like Ive already compromised a lot :/

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 13/11/2017 16:51

I feel for you Sunshine, I really do :(

I relocated 140 miles from my family & friends for a man I desperately love 15 years ago. I moved my kids along with me.

His dream though is to retire to Norfolk so when his Dad died unexpectedly we inherited some money. Guess where we now own a house?? That's right, in deepest darkest Norfolk. I feel steam rollered quite honestly.

Original poster
sunshineinabag · 13/11/2017 16:54

@Rachie1973
:-/

I mean i know that if i put my foot down he would go with it. Its more of a conscience thing. He didnt want to live in town so is it really fair of me to try and push a house in town PLUS with no parking PLUS its old and crumbly?

OP posts:
Oddmanout · 13/11/2017 17:02

Sounds grim to be honest - damp would put me right off.

You say after 2 difficult years you've settled in but to me it doesn't sounds like you're over it TBH? Why did you choose to move out of London?

Alicetherabbit · 13/11/2017 17:05

With your update regarding damp, I'd carry on looking if I were you, damp houses can be fixed if you own them, but renting doesn't always mean issue free.

Alicetherabbit · 13/11/2017 17:07

Also regarding you earning more, it will become an issue if you get to chose a big thing like house. I out earn Dh five times over and we have equal say and compromise.

MyKingdomForBrie · 13/11/2017 17:11

I wouldn’t rent a damp house, nor one that looks uncared for as that suggests a shit LL.

If you do take that one you can always move in 6 months/a year if you’re not happy though, it’s not a big commitment like buying.