AIBU to want this house?

[sunshineinabag]

The back story is I moved from London where I'm from to move out to the sticks miles away where my DP is from. It took 2 difficult years of me adjusting but finally I worked through the upheaval and settled in (separate places). Now we're looking to move in together.

Theres this house in the local town. We agreed we would live in this small town so I can hold on to some semblance of life (his whole community is a 10 minute drive away in the country).

This is more for me than him obviously as he would rather be in the country but hes cool with it since its so close and he sees his friends and family every day.

This house is perfect and we both l9ve it.

EXCEPT it has no garage. He has a motorbike and a car (I have neither). Having a garage was one of his only criteria and I feel so bad for preventing him from having that. But at the same time i feel like ive given up a lot.

I dont know. WWYD? I already know i will let him have the final say on this. More just looking for confirmation either way.

I know AIBU

I have more of a feeling that it's because he actually doesn't want to live in town that you will find that even if the house of his dreams comes up you are unlikely to see him do anything other than shrug his shoulders and mumble 'it's ok'.

I don't know. Maybe that's unfair. But - you've made a lot of sacrifices here and he really is getting it ALL his own way. I think I'd put my foot down, I honestly would. If you love the house and it's perfect for you then yep I'd let him know that he too is expected to compromise here.

And - it's only a rental. You could end up moving on in six months or a year.

Don't get manouevred into jumping through hoops trying to make this as painless as possible for him, of subconsciously putting him first as if the clock has been re-set now you've moved here and you're both equals in it. You're NOT. You've already compromised. If you love this house then tell him that's where you want to live. For now. And you can see how it goes.

it will become an issue if you get to chose a big thing like house

I would say what's more likely to become an issue is a pattern of him saying no and by default making allll the decisions instead. He's already refused to budge from the area he's lived in all his life and OP has sucked it up. In the interests of teaching him that yes, she will also dig her heels in and make him suck things up in return I'd say that OP should just say yes please and be done with it. It will be interesting - I think essential for OP - to see just how he responds to that.

I wouldn't be saying this if they were buying or anything permanent, of course. But I think it is time OP flexed her muscles in this relationship too. I remember her previous thread.

I also remember the previous thread. Well done for reaching decision about where to live. I do think that if his stipulation was that he wants a garage then you shouldn't even look at at properties that don’t have one. What are your stipulations - period features? Would you be happy to forgo those? You’ve compromised moving out of London, he’s compromising moving into town, now you need to find a house you both like - with a garage.

As a biker, I have to say that no garage would be a deal-breaker for me. It's maybe something that only other bikers would understand. I'd rather compromise on the house than the garage.