Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be annoyed that my parents are getting married without me??

30 replies

AllGoodDogs · 10/11/2017 22:41

Only slightly serious.

Parents (dad and step mum) have been engaged for 30 years. Dad had cancer last year and is now thankfully out the other side but it's made them evaluate things. They're having an amazing holiday next week to Antigua and the resort is so posh that they'll marry you for no extra charge!

I'm a bit upset that I won't be there, and that they've gone out and got rings, mum's got a dress etc already so I didn't get to be a part of the exciting planning stuff either.

I'm so happy they're getting married, I've been telling them to forever, but I am upset I'm not involved at all.

AIBU??

OP posts:

Sandsunsea · 10/11/2017 22:43

Yes.

Rachie1973 · 10/11/2017 22:44

I wouldn't say you're unreasonable, it's one of those moments people love to share. However, it seems like the wedding was a bonus from the holiday and they're going to grab it.

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 10/11/2017 22:47

Yanbu but it looks like the ship has already sailed. Can you ask them to have a wedding party when they are back home and maybe offer to help?

scotchpie · 10/11/2017 22:50

Are they just having a blessing? Pretty sure you need to plan in advance when getting married abroad.

LondonGirl83 · 10/11/2017 22:53

Yabu

7Days · 10/11/2017 22:55

No of course yanbu. It is a big deal. But it seems as a family you have had enough to deal with of late so don't make an issue of it. You can still help your mum pick out special outfits and can still have 'hen parties, and perhaps a family occasion when they come home. It can still be a wonderful family time even if the legal stuff is done on their honeymoon rather than before.

lalliella · 10/11/2017 22:56

Go!

Namechangetempissue · 10/11/2017 22:59

You feel how you feel, but don't show them your disappointment and ruin their special day. It sounds like they have had a very hard time and they deserve a special day, just the two of them, to celebrate their love for each other. In the nicest possible way, it isn't anything to do with you really, although they obviously love you and you them. Wishing them well and maybe contacting the hotel to arrange a nice bottle of wine, flowers or a cake in their room could be your involvement

Original poster

AllGoodDogs · 10/11/2017 23:00

The ceremony is planned and booked - they'll go and register etc and it is legal.

Sadly no way l can afford to go even if I was invited! I did ask if they were going to do something when they come home and they said possibly in the summer they'll have something of a celebration at home.

I'll get over it I'm sure!

OP posts:

Hellohellorain · 10/11/2017 23:01

Are you the only child? If so then yes you should be involved. If your not the only child then they may just want something quite

Original poster

AllGoodDogs · 10/11/2017 23:02

I am going to dig out the garter from my wedding and give it to my mum so she has her borrowed and blue. She has a new dress and an old necklace (that I had as my borrowed for my wedding 7 years ago).

OP posts:

llangennith · 10/11/2017 23:15

You know YABU but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong to feel put out about it. You sound lovely as do your dad and stepmum. Wish them well and help them celebrate after they’re married.

somethingDifferent38 · 10/11/2017 23:16

Are you the only child? If so then yes you should be involved.
Sounds an interesting rule, but seems a bit random - what's so special about being an only child that it gives you the right to be included in everything, always!?

I'm partly asking because I'm an only child, and am wondering if I've been missing out on a lot of stuff I have special rights to ;-D.

MaidOfStars · 10/11/2017 23:23

You call her Mum. This is not your average step/parent wedding. YANBU. I'd be sad. Not sure what you can do though.

CointreauVersial · 10/11/2017 23:26

I'd be sad about it, but as someone suggested, why not persuade them to throw a "wedding" party when they get back, and help with all the arrangements?

I didn't go to either of my parents' second marriages - but that was back in the 70s when second marriages weren't really something to celebrate.

Hellohellorain · 10/11/2017 23:27

@somethingDifferent38 just meaning they might want something quite just the two of them but if op is an only child it would be nice for her to be involved so no one feels let out.
If that makes sense.

Original poster

AllGoodDogs · 10/11/2017 23:31

I have an older brother but he works abroad so we don't see him much (if that makes a difference?).

I call her mum as I've lived with them since I was 4 after our "real" mum died. She's all I remember of having a mum.

I am SO happy for them, just having a little sulk that I won't be there! But they are having a photographer so will see lots of pics when they're back

OP posts:

Dobopdidoo1 · 10/11/2017 23:36

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all to be upset at not being invited!

Who is going to be there?

PeiPeiPing · 10/11/2017 23:45

YANBU. How thoughtless of them to exclude you.

Make sure the next time you do anything big or special (child's Christening or a big party for your 40th or something,) that you go away somewhere they can't get to, so they are excluded.

Spiteful and petty? Hell yeah - but fuck it. Let them see how you felt when they excluded you from their fucking wedding!

Rightly or wrongly, this would make me very angry and upset.

YesThisIsMe · 10/11/2017 23:46

Under the circumstances I can understand why you feel the way you feel but I can also understand why they’ve made the choices they have as well. Tell us that you feel upset, we’ll (mostly) say “there there, we do understand why you are disappointed”.

Then take a deep breath, wish them well and help them plan a local celebration (big or small) when they return, or just take them out for dinner and tell your mum and dad how special they are to you, and how happy you are to have them with you.

Longdistance · 10/11/2017 23:50

I’d be really sad too.

Seems like they may have re-evaluated their lives with your df being ill, and they’re being practical in the sense of if they’re married and one passes at least they have each other’s pensions/assets.

They’re having a holiday and a wedding wrap into one, and unfortunately are being a bit thoughtless in not inviting you along.

Skinandbones · 10/11/2017 23:51

Can they not Skype it, then you can at least watch while it happens.

Wolfiefan · 10/11/2017 23:52

Why don't you arrange a celebration for when they get back?
TBH a wedding is about the couple. Even if you could afford to go over wouldn't you feel a bit of a third wheel?!

Original poster

AllGoodDogs · 10/11/2017 23:56

It will be just them (and registrar, witnesses will be resort staff i presume). I'm sure I'm not the only one to be upset- both their mothers and siblings would all love to be there too.

I expect when they get back they'll really want to do something at home too as I'm sure they'll miss me everyone being there with them.

I'll write them a card for them to open on their wedding day so they know I'm not really a 32 year old whining child

OP posts:

TheWernethWife · 15/11/2017 18:55

My partners mother did the same but in a town only 6 miles away from us. She had lived with this man for over 30 years and it was always about his grown up sons, even though she would never admit it. Rang my partner up at work one day and said we got married this morning. She would have gone bloody mad if we had done that, my partner was her only child.

Flip

1 2