To feel uncomfortable about friend planning drinking games for Fri night when pregnant????

[looneytune]

Off to a friend's Friday night for girly night in. Just been chatting on MSN about plans and she's going on about drinking games and seeing if she can keep up etc .

I know some people drink when they are pregnant, I had 1 very small glass off champagne on my wedding anniversary and that what is but I know others who have glass of wine with meals etc. It's not that I'm getting at, it's the amount of strong alcoholic drinks my friend is obviously planning on having. Mentioned cocktails, shots etc.

Now I feel uncomfortable because it's just me and her so if I wasn't going, she wouldn't be drinking so much (well, I can't be sure) at 6 months pregnant! I also feel weird about drinking games with her.

Don't know what to do. She probably does it all anyway but I feel very odd about it. Should I still go? What would you do?

could you buy some non alcohic cocktails or wine to take.

I could but she won't have it! She deffo plans on getting drunk.

Oo this is down to your conscience, I went on a hen do with a drinking and smoking pregnant woman, felt really uncomfortable. I don't think you can preach or be self-righteous we all choose our own paths. If I were you I'd distance myself and not encourage it. It's tricky as you might end up questioning your entire friendship if you don't share the same values. The odd glass or two is an entirely different matter.

I think it's difficult, I didn't drink alcohol when I was pregnant, but some of my friends did. I wouldn't feel comfortable either playing drinking games with a pregnant friend. Could you suggest something else to do?

You could of course put your friendship directly on the line and have a word. She could have a dependency.

you are not unreasonable, i would feel the same

if she is talking about drinking games, and drinking shots, i would be tempted to have a chat with her, maybe she does not think taht drinking heavily as a one off or after the first trimester is an issue

i had the odd drink when pregnant, after the dfirst trimester, but not to the point of getting drunk

basically,every thing she drinks, will go to the baby too, the placenta will not filter it out ! maybe she doesn't know this?

I already knew we don't share the same values (doesn't use car seats with kids, swears a lot and lots more) BUT we do get on and she's been through a lot so I don't want to shut her out (don't think she has many friends). I did say on MSN 'oh, you drinking then' and then 'well, make sure you have a lower alc drink' etc but in a casual way for now.

I certainly don't want to preach but she nearly lost the baby a couple of months ago so I worry more and because it's JUST me going, I can't help but feel responsible about her doing drinking games.

I could end up not feeling well enough for drinking much or be on anti-biotics and then if I'm not having much, hopefully she won't.

I'm just not happy about indirectly encouraging it. Shame as I WAS really looking forward to Fri night;.

Lulamama - I may well have a word but I honestly think she knows the score but chooses to do things her way. This is baby number 4 so maybe she was like this with all pregnancies???

Glad no one has jumped on me saying it's up to her I just can't help this uncomfortable feeling

I would have to say something to her. If she still insisted on drinking then I wouldn't go. I would feel too bad for her poor unborn baby who she is damaging. I didn't drink at all in any of my pregnancies because studies show that they just don't know if even 1 drink affects the baby. I've read newer studies that show that even 1 drink makes a difference to the baby in it's movements etc. Not worth the risk imo and I would feel responsible if I went while she was drinking, at least if you talk to her your consience will be clear.

However you decide to handle it, just make sure you don't feel responsible for her. You're not.

Right, I've decided, I just can't ignore this so I'm going to speak to her. When I say 'speak', I will chicken out and do it via MSN as we don't actually call each other anyway. Plus, we're both childminders so have lots of noise going on.

I felt awful after my small amount of alcohol on my wedding anniversary but at least it was more like 2/3 sips (tiny glass) rather than a whole load of cocktails, shots etc.

Wish me luck - GULP!

Inthehouse - x'd posts. I could say I was shocked at what I read but why would that affect ME drinking? (need something that she believe )

Good luck anyway, no matter what you feel about it you can't make her do anything.

Two things, drinking games, shots ect, are alcohol abuse, a glass of wine(or two) with a mate to relax on a Friday is totally different.

It is strange that she would want to do that anyway with just the two of you and when she is pregnant it is totally unacceptable.

Secondly as a friend, I would say 'hang on a minute, you are pregnant, we will just have a couple of glasses of wine'. End of story. And if she objects just ask her how you are supposed to relax when you fundementally disagree with her behaviour. If she makes an issue of it, give her a miss.

drinking games with just two women and one of them pregnant...strangest thing to suggest

i'd say er no what a silly idea

Hi Looneytune, my friend was similar to this though she masked her drinking with guilt.. but still didn't stop! I think she's dependant. I'll never forget her partner saying to us, "right, well I better take my drunken pregnant girlfriend home then," ITs just all so I hated it and I stopped speaking to her (though didn't have the guts to say why).Luckily the baby's fine and she's b/feeeding and drinking loads instead. Its soooooo horrible, and like I said I had to remove myself from being around her and still do even now the lo is 5m old. I'd keep away if I was you, there's no point upsetting yourself.....

Agree with Lizzer - might be a good idea to keep away. I simply would not be able to keep quiet. I know all about not judging etc but I would judge. In my world, drinking excessively and smoking during pregnancy are heinous crimes and no amount of 'live and let live' would keep me quiet. If you feel the same way then I think you have 2 choices - keep quiet and keep away or tackle her. Sorry for lack of political correctness but I have none!

Sorry can't reply to each of you, just popped on quickly whilst kiddies have their snacks

I've MSN's her straight to the point!!! I really was quite blunt about it. Her baby means more to me than our friendship to be honest so if she gets p'd off with me, fine, we don't see each other but MAYBE she may THINK about what I said!!

GOOD I DON'T SEE ANY REASON TO HOLD BACK sorry unintentional caps

WOW, she's come back and is fine. She said she was just going to down shots of martini and lemonade and I said I wasn't really happy with that either as it's all part of the drinking game etc. I told her I would much prefer a pizza, couple of glasses of wine and a girly chat so she's said ok, we'll forget the cocktails and shots, and the games and just have a quieter girly night and she may have a glass of wine with lemonade - I'm much better with that now

She thanked me for being honest about how I felt and I feel great as I've now made it perfectly clear what my views are and maybe made her think about it a bit more.

Thanks for helping me know I was right to feel this way