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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your honest opinion?

45 replies

NannyPlum40 · 08/11/2017 17:30

Ok,

Came out of a LTM a year ago, but it had been dead for a couple of years. A month or two after, I joined a dating sight basically looking for NSA fun.

Met a guy who was in a relationship at the time. We texted loads to the point where he told me he loved me.

After a couple of months of constant texting, we met. No sex, just kissing and talking really. Met up a further couple of times.

He split with his gf and we eventually had sex. This was 6 months ago and I haven't seen him since.

We do text, but he is very up and down with me and fallen out several times, Even before we had sex.

We fell out recently and didn't speak for 3 weeks but then text me again out of the blue. He said he just wants to be friends with me for a bit first before arranging to meet again. Because he said that when we get close we fall out. But then he talks about us having sex.

I'm so confused over this guy, but I really like him. We haven't seen each other for months, whenever we arrange to meet he goes hot and cold with me but then keeps telling me how much he wants to keep having sex with me?

Am I being played?

OP posts:
Barbiesears · 08/11/2017 17:32

Yes.

Furgggggg12 · 08/11/2017 17:32

Yes

You can do so much better

CandleLit · 08/11/2017 17:33

Yes.

Laiste · 08/11/2017 17:33

Yes. Sorry.

Keep him on the back burner for a bit of fun when YOU fancy it and get back on with looking for someone else.

Glumglowworm · 08/11/2017 17:36

Yes

Get rid of him.

You deserve better

ohfourfoxache · 08/11/2017 17:38

Urgh, I wouldn’t even put him on the back burner tbh - he sounds like a right specimen Shock

Killerqueen2244 · 08/11/2017 17:40

Don’t waste your time! You want some fun, not going from a dead marriage to a childish knob! Why not spend some time in your company, being selfish and going out with friends/making new ones? Or find a new hobby?

juddyrockingcloggs · 08/11/2017 17:40

Yes and assuming you knew about his girlfriend whilst kissing him I have little sympathy.

Get rid.

LastOneDancing · 08/11/2017 17:42

He played around on his last gf with you.
Then fucked you & fucked off.
You argue a lot.
He doesn't want to meet up with you.

Tell me what you really like? Confused
It sounds awful.

Mishappening · 08/11/2017 17:42

He's playing you like a fish on a line - he will reel you in now and again for sex, then let you swim for a bit.

He's a rat. Give him the bum's rush!

HotelEuphoria · 08/11/2017 17:46

Seriously?

PinkHeart5914 · 08/11/2017 17:50

Of course your being played but start playing a round with someone in a relationship what did you honestly expect?

He had a gf when he was talking to you/meeting you/ kissing you and you knew he had a gf and it didn’t stop you

Find yourself someone else. Lots of actual single guys available

Original poster
NannyPlum40 · 08/11/2017 17:57

Thought I was.

But another strange thing is, I told him I'd met someone else, I hadn't, and he went really possessive with me. Almost is if he doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone to have me??

OP posts:
Ameliablue · 08/11/2017 17:59

Leave well alone.

juddyrockingcloggs · 08/11/2017 18:03

With no disrespect intended you sound like you’re playing the games a 16 year old would.

Look, we all make mistakes, this is yours. He was trying to nob you while he had a girlfriend which makes him an arsehole and you an arsehole enabler. You are continuing to enable the arsehole. Stop being an arsehole enabler and get some self respect. You can do better and you know it.

Wiggles9408 · 08/11/2017 18:04

Runnnnn!

Guy sounds like a knob! And so weird in one breath ‘let’s just be friends’ Then the next ‘I still want to have sex..’ Then the next ‘You’re still mine though even if you’ve met someone..’ HAH who is this guy?!? Bin him off he sounds like an absolute headcase, he can’t pick you up and drop you when it suits him.

Good luck!

LagunaBubbles · 08/11/2017 18:07

But another strange thing is, I told him I'd met someone else, I hadn't, and he went really possessive with me. Almost is if he doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone to have me??

Thats not strange at all, its called keeping you dangling, why are you confused if you can see this?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/11/2017 18:25

Yes you're being played, abs even if you weren't I'd warn you off. If he can cheat on his gf, and texting sexy messages is a form a cheating. Don't think for one minute he'll treat you like a princess.
Its his poor unsuspecting gf I feel sorry for. He's a brute and tbh, as soon as you knew he had a gf. You should have told him where to go.
Its is in no way my intent to upset you, but be mindful that you did ask for honest opinions.

SilverySurfer · 08/11/2017 18:30

Not sure why you're surprised. You went with him knowing he had a girlfriend and he obviously had no problem dumping her. Yep he is keeping you dangling, useful if the new woman in his life is not as gullible.

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried · 08/11/2017 18:35

I joined a dating sight basically looking for NSA fun.

So you went looking for no strings attached then get surprised when the other person doesn’t want strings?

Make up your mind. You don’t know what you want. Stay away from relationships until you have worked out what you actually want.

You’re being played. He is a serial cheat. He doesn’t love you, he never will. He will use you when it is convenient for him. Because he actually understands what no strings means. He wants easy sex without the effort of a relationship.

Original poster
NannyPlum40 · 08/11/2017 18:43

Battered he said he doesn't want the hassle of a relationship and just wants an easy life, which yes is no strings.

But I'm just trying to understand this?

OP posts:
BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried · 08/11/2017 18:45

But I'm just trying to understand this?

What is there to understand? It’s pretty self explanatory. He doesn’t want a relationship. He wants sex, when he wants it without having to speak to you in between times if he doesn’t feel like it. Are you up for that? If so, carry on. If you happen to possess a scrap of self respect then move on.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/11/2017 18:48

Sex without the 'hassel' of a relationship is absolutely fine as long as both parties are fine with it

bathghter · 08/11/2017 19:31

Hun

Killerqueen2244 · 08/11/2017 19:43

🙄 why do you need to leave a marriage to then get into a relationship? There’s nothing to understand, he’s just telling you things to make sure you’re at the end of the phone for him!

Find your self esteem/self worth somewhere else instead of spending time with a load of fuck boys and buy a decent vibrator!!!!

Unless of course you’re a drama llama and this is what you thrive on, in which case I feel sorry for you