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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Update - kids in car

29 replies

Runlovingmummy81 · 28/10/2017 18:10

Hey, a few of you were asking for an update on the boys so here it is...

Around midnight last night (after landing in UK) I managed to get hold of ex husband sister who confirmed the boys had slept in the car Thurs night but were booked into a guest house last night.

I spoke to them this morning and they were OK. I'm not sure where they are tonight as he's told me they are back Sunday but my eldest said today so. Not sure. He also said that his dad had told him to tell me they'd slept in the car both nights to trick me.

Ill speak to them tomorrow at some point and when I can I'll speak to both boys about being honest in those situations.

Apologies for my tongue-in-cheek comment about cocktails too was being sarcastic of course my children are my priority.

OP posts:
Ginglealltheway · 28/10/2017 18:13

So he used his children as part of hid controlling game to cause you further distress. Sounds like great father material (!)

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 28/10/2017 18:17

Yeah. He does this a lot. He knows I will be worrying so will purposely ignore calls or texts from me when he has the boys.

When I have them on the same situation I inform him when we've arrived on holiday and returned etc and the details of where they will be. I don't get the same back.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 28/10/2017 18:24

you really need to link to the thread youre updating about or it doesnt make sense.

why did your kids sleep in the car?

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 28/10/2017 18:27

I'm not sure I can as they were deleted.

My ex husband had taken our two young 5 and 6 year old boys away and they were sleeping in the car on a car park by the sea this weekend for 3 nights. I was upset that he had done this as felt it was inappropriate.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 28/10/2017 18:29

Why are you contacting him during his time?

butterfly56 · 28/10/2017 18:29

Why are you allowing this moron to control your life through your children? Hmm

Stop interacting with him and falling into his trap of constant manipulation, unless you want your life to be full of never ending drama caused by his stupid moronic behaviour.

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 28/10/2017 18:30

He has had the boys for 10 days. We have telephone contact with the boys when the other parent has them as that's what they want.

OP posts:
Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 28/10/2017 18:31

Butterfly.... I know you're right.

OP posts:
Migraleve · 28/10/2017 18:31

Why are all your threads being deleted? I saw one earlier talking about kids in a car that said 3/4 had been deleted - now this is another one Hmm

Nicknacky · 28/10/2017 18:32

I can understand calling if that's agreed but not texting?

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 28/10/2017 18:34

Only texting is to see when they are free to talk. Although he also uses this as a weapon.....

They were deleted because they were hijacked.

OP posts:
Santawontbelong · 28/10/2017 18:35

Unfortunately backing off emotionally from the scenarios he is building is the only way.

My exh had been such a state regarding our ds x3 I was suffering symptoms of ptsd. You need to look after your mh for your dc - keep a diary of things but try and keep focused on what happens in your time with the dc.

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 28/10/2017 18:37

Hi, before anyone reports this thread for being a Thread About A Thread, we're aware that the OP is posting here.

She's unable to link to her previous threads because the first one was deleted as it had turned into something of a bun fight (mostly in her absence, it has to be said), and her subsequent update threads were also removed (mostly because they contained post after post of people saying ' TAAT', but also because there was a bit of a scuffle going on around a couple of other posters...)

Anyway, she's back to ask for some advice - hopefully this thread will stay on track.

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 28/10/2017 18:40

Thanks dawn xx

I do try and emotionally detach. It's just hard. :(

OP posts:
Ginglealltheway · 28/10/2017 18:55

Nicknacky, why is it not possible to communicate with your own children during either parents time? Would the Ex not be allowed to communicate with his children during the OP's time?

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 28/10/2017 19:09

He does communicate with them. He can whenever he wants to. They are his children too.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 28/10/2017 19:13

I didn't see any of the prior threads, so apologize if I'm going over old territory.

Do you feel the DC are at least minimally 'safe' when with him? Sleeping in a car park is not 'good' but (depending on where it's located) it isn't really going to hurt them, per se. Point being, if you stop reacting to what he does, will he stop?

YouTheCat · 28/10/2017 19:28

I'd say, given that the weather has turned quite chilly and the lack of toilet facilities, that making young children sleep in a car is bloody stupid. I'd say that going camping at this time of the year is also bloody stupid.

It'll be really uncomfortable too.

NerNerNerNerBATMAN · 28/10/2017 19:38

Glad to see the update OP, and also that exSIL was able to get you some information. Is she an ally in all of this?

Hope the kids are ok.

Your ex sounds awful to use communication as a weapon like that.

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 28/10/2017 19:41

She's not an ally, no. I guess just took pity on me. He really is awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 28/10/2017 20:39

Across the pond.... I expect so. Just a learning curve I guess :(

OP posts:
kali110 · 28/10/2017 20:47

Glad you're back op! Cant imagine the stress you've been going through!

TJ2503 · 28/10/2017 20:56

OP - apologies as I don’t have context for this as I missed your earlier threads but my as ExH could not tell me with any certainty where he was staying overnight with my son and there was a concern he was sleeping in his car - I pulled contact on safe guarding grounds and was wholly supported by my solicitor and mediator in this decision.

As I said I don’t have context but IMO sleeping in a car at any time with small children does not seem the safest option to me.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/10/2017 21:41

I can imagine it would be torture to grit your teeth and not rise to his shit. But you may want to consider whether or not a short term of ignoring him might be worth it if it makes him stop these 'antics. Obvs your DC safety is paramount so you'd have to decide if ignoring will stop him or make him escalate.

Is there someone or an agency you can speak to as far as what the 'limits' are before someone in 'officialdom' will take action? I'm not in the UK so I don't know who that would be.

Do you have any type of court order in effect regarding access?

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 29/10/2017 07:36

We have a contact order in place yes. At the time a section 7 was carried out by cafcass but my concerns were ignored and he charmed them, played the victim and nothing more was done.

OP posts: