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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think nobody likes me

39 replies

Cockwombleseverywhere · 28/10/2017 10:36

Feeling a bit sorry for myself today.

I have worked in the same large office for 6 years now.
Every week there are various collection envelopes and emails sent around for people who are going on maternity/leaving for other employment/ off sick/ recent bereavements/ have big birthdays (and sometimes just birthdays).

People have their desks decorated with balloons and cakes and banners (if appropriate of course!)

I always put into these collections and sometimes have been the one who has started them.

I have always got on with everyone and never had any issues at work, I am one of the few that has quite a long commute to work each day so I very often don’t attend arranged nights out for drinking ( it would mean either a stay over each time or a very expensive taxi).

Over the last two years I have had two quite large surgeries and a ‘big’ birthday and received , erm, nothing. Not even a card.

Aibu to presume that I’m not liked Sad

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/10/2017 10:41

That doesn't seem fair at all. Im not surprised you're upset and hurt.
Stop giving to other peoples collections, though, and most certainly don't be bloody starting them. You clearly don't get any better thought of and I don't see anyone putting their hands in the pocket for you.

NancyDonahue · 28/10/2017 10:44

Sounds odd. Have you told people when your birthday is?

Aeroflotgirl · 28/10/2017 10:44

That is shit! Stop giving and stop starting the collections. Mabey some subtle hints before the big day, to people in your work.

Somewherethatsgreen · 28/10/2017 10:45

Are you one of these people who don't tell anyone their birthday is coming up/have it private on fb and then get upset when others don't remember? If so: YABU.

If not, then that's really rubbish. Assuming that your colleagues almost certainly are thoughtless rather than horrible, it might be worth mentioning it in a passive aggressive jokey way at the next collection, e.g. 'Ooh another birthday collection. Here's a fiver. You guys better not forget me again next year haha. That was a bit harsh.'

Original poster
Cockwombleseverywhere · 28/10/2017 10:49

Yes people knew it was my birthday. And they knew about my operations as they were pre planned and I’d been having problems for a while previously that had been talked about when on shift.

I do (or thought I did) have a couple of closer friends at work, we meet up in the school holidays and take the kids to various places. So I kind of presumed that they would have arranged something. But neither of them even sent me a card or rang when I was off to see how I was getting on.

I’ve thought about not putting into collections any more but I feel like I would have to explain why and I don’t want to sound like a grabby cow.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cockwombleseverywhere · 28/10/2017 10:51

Everyone wished me a happy birthday on facebook. And I was working a 12 hour shift on the day ☹️ So it just made it that little bit worse.

I think nowadays people just automatically write happy birthday on Facebook when they’re told to and very often don’t even register who it is.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 28/10/2017 10:52

What's the point of passive aggressive comments? Refuse to contribute next time and tell them why.

ginghamstarfish · 28/10/2017 10:54

Not sure you have anything to lose by refusing to contribute any more ... maybe you can say something like 'unless it's for everyone ...' which might invite a question and you can explain. You are entitled to say what you've said on here. Good luck!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/10/2017 10:55

Its not about being a grabby cow, though, Its about fairness
Yes we all know the saying. You don't give to receive, but this is a different kettle of fish. They're giving to everyone but excluding you.
There are times you have to speak your mind

Pearlsaringer · 28/10/2017 10:55

it might be worth mentioning it in a passive aggressive jokey way at the next collection, e.g. 'Ooh another birthday collection. Here's a fiver. You guys better not forget me again next year haha. That was a bit harsh.'

Brilliant suggestion, do this, and fanfare your birthday next year with early birthday cakes. If you don’t get anything after that they are just mean.

But they’re probably just being thoughtless. Could you try and make one of the nights out? It might help you bond. Or maybe see if an after work drinks session is possible, or split a taxi home. Hope it works out for you, not nice feeling left out.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/10/2017 10:56

Don't contribute, and if asked why, tell them. Don't be a doormat. Have you told your closer friends at work how you feel!

Original poster
Cockwombleseverywhere · 28/10/2017 10:58

Thank you all. Just feeling a bit sensitive today.
It doesn’t help when you’re stuck on the sofa with nothing to do. Hopefully I should be up and about in a few days and able to occupy myself.

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 28/10/2017 11:01

We had a birthday book at work - everyone wrote their birthday in it (it was diary so you could see who's was coming up each month) There was a kitty we contributed to, and two people were in charge of buying a card, taking it round for everyone to sign and delivering it to the birthday person.

No one got forgotten, and everyone was treated the same (big landmark birthdays, people got a cake bought for them which was shared round)

Maybe you could suggest something like that so 'no one gets forgotten'

Original poster
Cockwombleseverywhere · 28/10/2017 11:04

Making the nights out is difficult.
DH works away a lot so I rely on family for childcare. Due to the 12hour shifts the nights out are always on rest days, never after work, and so I would feel bad asking DM/MIL to DC more than they already do.
No one else lives in my area so taxi sharing isn’t an option.

I guess I’m just going to have to not contribute any more and man up and tell them why 😔

OP posts:
sonjadog · 28/10/2017 11:07

I can see why you are hurt by their behaviour. Is your birthday at a time of year in which people are busy with other stuff? I have a July birthday and it is pretty much always crap. Everyone is or is about to go away on holiday.

Original poster
Cockwombleseverywhere · 28/10/2017 11:11

My birthday is the end of March so nothing really I can think of.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 28/10/2017 11:21

No excuse, it's a form of bullying, exclusion. don't contribute, and tell them why! Or put a few pounds in the collection, say loudly oh hope you don't forget my birthday in March like you did last time.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/10/2017 11:22

Yes you are, unfortunately some people are as thick as two planks and need to be told straight.

Poorlybabe4 · 28/10/2017 11:27

Dont start the collections. I did them all when i was at work and as a result no one remembered mine. 3 days later someone remembered and boight in some sweets... which i cant eat because of the gelatine. So they had them. I did balloons presents and a card for every member of our team....stopped doing it after as i figured obviously not a big deal then. Next birthday i didnt do and they kicked up a stink and i said sort it yourself. Turns out some others were happy we stopped as it was a bit silly and expensive. However i was just doing as i was told to do originally by my manager.

CountDuckulaTheSqueaky · 28/10/2017 11:33

I wouldn't contribute anymore. It would make me think like you, what is it about me, that people don't want to even buy me a card? I'm sure you're lovely, and it's their loss. 🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁

Slartybartfast · 28/10/2017 11:37

do you bring cakes in for your birthday op?
that is what we do where I work

retirednow · 28/10/2017 11:47

We like youFlowers what has made you feel like this now, your birthday was back in march. I felt the same where I worked, I always felt a bit left out which made me sad but having a loving family and partner was more important. What sort of work do you do? Could you request days off or annual leave when it is your birthday. I would just keep quiet, not contribute anymore and stop worrying about what they think, they are not real friends if they make you feel sad.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/10/2017 11:51

Slarty that's too late, no day has bothered for her day. Why should she treat everyone, nobody bothers.

Slartybartfast · 28/10/2017 12:10

i remember somewhere I worked they gave me the birthday list, the list of people's birthdays, and they didnt ask me mine Shock I was very sad. I took offence, I wish I had had the confidence to say Hey, let me add my birthday to the list.

Slartybartfast · 28/10/2017 12:11

I just bought cakes in and Shamed them,
shame them op, if they wont take the hint. Make a big deal out of it

Either that, or take the day week off