To think nobody likes me

[Cockwombleseverywhere]

Feeling a bit sorry for myself today.

I have worked in the same large office for 6 years now.
Every week there are various collection envelopes and emails sent around for people who are going on maternity/leaving for other employment/ off sick/ recent bereavements/ have big birthdays (and sometimes just birthdays).

People have their desks decorated with balloons and cakes and banners (if appropriate of course!)

I always put into these collections and sometimes have been the one who has started them.

I have always got on with everyone and never had any issues at work, I am one of the few that has quite a long commute to work each day so I very often don’t attend arranged nights out for drinking ( it would mean either a stay over each time or a very expensive taxi).

Over the last two years I have had two quite large surgeries and a ‘big’ birthday and received , erm, nothing. Not even a card.

Aibu to presume that I’m not liked

Working in an office is the pits of hell! It's like school all over again. Glad that I work outside these days and that I'm my own boss. Fourteen years of office hell in my teenage years, twenties/early thirties...Shudder!

Keep a few early learning ctr plastic coins/ foreign currency to stick in the envelope when it comes round. Thats exactly what id do. Sod em.

ooh plastic coins/foreign money.
good one.

I’m off work at the moment as I’ve just had my 2nd op, so this time it’s kind of brought it home to me.
I kind of cut them a bit of slack after my 1st op and my birthday and trying not to think to much in to it but sat at home for the past week with not so much as a phone call from anyone (apart from family & my best friend) has left me lots of time to mull things over.

Thank you for all you kind words, I really appreciate them.
And it’s certainly made me think differently about things

Office dynamics can be difficult. I got upset once when my colleague got expensive perfume for her birthday and I got a bottle of wine for mine at the same presentation. I don't get into it now. I'm sure your much loved by lots of people.

Oh no smarty that is awful😩. So your good enough for your money, but not good enough to give to. Feel confident op in refusing the collection and if asked why, stating your reasons. Mabey phone them at work, telling them how you are, and that you haven't heard from them, is everything ok.

Perhaps you are the office leper, since you dont go to the evening dos?
do you feel like an outsider otherwise or just on your birthday?
if not perhaps it is simply a mistake.

I get on well with everyone, never had any issues at all. I’m always invited on the nights out, I appreciate that my not attending may be seen as I don’t want to socialise.
But I have explained that’s absolutely not the case. It’s the logistics of me doing so, I would actually really like to go as I don’t get out that much!

Bless you, I hope you aren’t feeling too down, post op blues probably not helping either. I get what other posters are saying about standing up for yourself but I’d advise against refusing to contribute to collections, it won’t make you any more popular and might compound the problem. Try and get to one of the nights out if you can, I’m sure DM/MIL would want to help if it will help you get your spirits up after your surgery.

It’s a good idea to have a birthday book/spreadsheet, we had one and also a card kitty. Don’t be the one running it though or you’ll be responsible for circulating your own card!

Speak up at work - however people communicate there - informally in the staff kitchen, or in a Team meeting, or by e-mail or just standing up in the office - but ask how the whole birthday / flowers when ill / etc collections are organised, as it appears to be pretty hit and miss at the moment. Suggest something like KurriKurri mentions upthread - and some rules about either everyone gets a card every birthday (which seems a bit pointless to me but some people like it), or the rule is something only happens for a '0' birthday. Same with illness / bereavement get some rules in place - flowers sent if illness is serious enough that you've been off over a week, for example.
If people don't want to get on board with it, then you have at least tried, and are then justified in choosing not to contribute in future.

Just don't contribute. Don't explain. If pressed say you are just not doing it anymore. Miserable gits.

No op does not have to contribute, in her position I would not.

So many great ideas. Off to a dance show with the dds now but I'll be back later.

Oops sorry wrong thread