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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make my DD babysit

52 replies

pleasingone · 27/10/2017 08:29

My DD16 agreed to babysit fo a friend of mine a month or so ago on a evening in November, so it’s been booked a while.

One of DDS best friends has since announced that she is having a birthday party on the promised night of babysitting and my DD is understandably desperate to go, everyone going, big night etc etc...

AIBU to insist that she misses the party as she agreed to babysit first?

Teenagers are tricky things.

Thinking of just asking my friend if she could organise someone else to do it however she may not be able to and I also want DD to understand commitment.

OP posts:
Notanothernamechangeaddict · 27/10/2017 08:34

I would ask the friend if they are able to make alternative babysitting arrangements, if they can't then I would make your daughter do it as she has commited to it and it's not right to let people down.

Pengggwn · 27/10/2017 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dropthemic · 27/10/2017 08:41

It's a hard one. On one hand it's important to show her the importance of committing to something and seeing it through. On the other hand she is young and will have plenty of years ahead of her to have to compromise and miss out on things she would like to do. It is also a time where friendships are fickle but the most important thing in the world, missing out on a party can be upsetting. I'd say to her that she needs to ring the parents directly explain the situation, attempt to come up with her own solutions like finding another babysitter etc.. and be prepared that if the parents and her cannot find someone else she has to babysit as it isn't fair to expect them to miss out on what they were planning just because of her. If they can find someone else she should offer to babysit another night but for free to make up for the inconvenience.

user1493413286 · 27/10/2017 08:43

I think I would also see if the friend can make other arrangements or do it myself but get your daughter to call the friend to explain so she is taking the responsibility for it.
If it was a normal friends get together then I’d make her babysit but remembering far back to being a teenager these things are really important

upperlimit · 27/10/2017 08:46

I don't have teenagers yet - just so you can disregard my opinion if you feel that's relevant.

I think I'd urge her to babysit. It's just a party and this commitment was made a long time ago. So long as neither you or your friend strongarmed her into this arrangement then she should follow through.

Failing that, I'd babysit myself on this occasion and ask my friend to find a different babysitter in the future.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 27/10/2017 08:48

I'd speak to my friend to get her out of it if possible.

Best friends parties at that age mean the world.

Shouldileavethedogs · 27/10/2017 08:51

Hell no. She commited to an arrangement and you as her parent should enforce this. It's about growing up and realising if you say you will do something you do it. It's unreasonable to now out pressure on your friend just because a better offer has come along.

uptheclydeinabananaboat · 27/10/2017 08:51

I'd make sure she babysat.

It's a life lesson that if you make a commitment to something and then a better offer comes along you need to bite the bullet and honour your commitment

YellowMakesMeSmile · 27/10/2017 08:54

I'd babysit instead of her.

At 16 your BFs birthday party is a great deal. If she was working and s party cropped up she could use annual leave so unless she regularly backs out of babysitting her commitment shouldn't be an issue.

Pengggwn · 27/10/2017 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deepestdarkestperu · 27/10/2017 08:57

I would babysit for her and let her go to the party. If this wasn’t possible, I would tell her she needs to honour her commitments.

She can’t leave your friend in the shit just to go to a party, but as her mum, I would offer to help her out if I could.

NoSquirrels · 27/10/2017 09:00

I would say if she needs to get out of her prior commitment then she needs to be offering up a solution to the person she's letting down.

E.g. I have persuaded Mum to babysit for you instead

I'm really sorry to let you dine but I will babysit FOR FREE another evening for you to make up for it

I can recommend Friend A who might be free to do it

etc

Ellendegeneres · 27/10/2017 09:53

Against the grain but I think yabu.
She's 16! She's not calling in sick to work at 18 for a party, she's giving notice that she's now unavailable to babysit.
Why should your best friend take priority to hers? I mean I get she agreed to babysit first, I really do. But surely there's enough time to get another sitter, you don't say when in November it is but I'd estimate at least a week away.
I've had someone cancel on me the night before, nothing I could do.
Hmm. Getting splinters from the fence sitting.

CrumpettyTree · 27/10/2017 18:12

I would try and do it for her

Jesstheblackandwhitecat · 27/10/2017 18:13

I agree with penggwyn

Psychologika · 27/10/2017 18:16

No, I wouldn’t “make her”. For me this is a lesson in learning to problem solve, rather than honour the commitment. So, how can she fix the problem? Can she find a replacement? Is she able to call the parents herself and explain? Etc etc

messyjessy17 · 27/10/2017 18:18

I don't think insisting she does it teaches her anything about adulting, it's just treating her as a child having to do what her mother tells her to.

I would talk to her, get her to look at it in an adult way. Can she suggest an alternative? Can she find someone else to babysit? Can she speak to the person she agreed to do it for and see if they have an easy alternative?

As an adult, if I were her I would see if there was a way I could go to the party and the other person gets a babysitter she is happy with. I don't think its a good life lesson to tell young women that they have to please others at their own cost.

Original poster
pleasingone · 27/10/2017 18:53

Thanks for the mixed views.
I am going to ask her to speak to my friend and explain, no texting.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 27/10/2017 18:58

Another one who would probably offer to do the sitting for her.

BackforGood · 27/10/2017 19:01

psycho and messy phrased it better - I agree this is about teaching her to problem solve. Yes, she has committed to your friend, but equally, if there is a way of resolving it that means friend can still go out, and s can she, then everybody is happy.

RavingRoo · 27/10/2017 19:43

At 16 she should talk to the friend directly if she has a change of plan, and you need to stay out.

Butterymuffin · 27/10/2017 19:52

I agree with Peng and NoSquirrels that if a suitable replacement babysitter can be found, no problem - but that's your DD's job. She took this job on, she needs to find cover.

I'm surprised by the number of people saying they'd do it instead. What if OP has plans herself that night? Is she supposed to do it for free since it's now her own friend she's helping out? Will this be expected every time the DD takes on babysitting but then a better possible night out comes up?

CrumpettyTree · 27/10/2017 20:44

I'm surprised by the number of people saying they'd do it instead. What if OP has plans herself that night?

Obviously people don't mean the op should do it if she has plans that night.

Is she supposed to do it for free since it's now her own friend she's helping out?

Up to her. Would she normally charge her friend for babysitting? Do that.

Will this be expected every time the DD takes on babysitting but then a better possible night out comes up?

She can always speak to her dd and say she will never cover for her again or something if she wants.

scrabbler3 · 27/10/2017 20:48

I'd offer to babysit but make it clear that it won't be happening again and that in future she must honour her promises.

MMcanny · 27/10/2017 20:49

Leave it to her.

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